Part 2 of Chapter 1 What is Magicwood?

[Lafayette]

Here is part 2 of Chapter 1 What is Magicwood.

Comments and qustions are welcomed.

For Forum

Part 2 of Chapter 1

What is Magicwood?​

In the stunned depression came a rap at the open kitchen door. A little man came bustling in, covered with sawdust and the smell of pine, cedar, maple and sweat. “Pardon, Mr. Percy,” he said, “I have wood for your fireplace and, of course, wood for your creations.”

Scurrying over to the kitchen fireplace, he dropped the wood with a loud clatter. Brushing the dust off his clothes, he noticed Percy’s dejected expression. “Hey, hey, my friend, Butterball, why the long mouth on the round face?”

Ignoring the jest, Percy reared to his feet, spilling his wine. Fire came to his coal-black eyes. Standing, he adjusted his shirt around his pudginess, straightened his small mustache and then with a stiff arm, he shot out a finger pointing at Vincent Richards, “Simon, my livelihood and my life is in danger and this… this man, my old, old friend will not play my perfect guitar for the coronation of Prince Raymond all because, he says, it lacks magic.”

Simon laughed, “Then why don’t you make him a guitar of Magicwood? Magicwood, after all, is magic.”

Percy growled, “Simon, there is no such thing as Magicwood. Now, get out of here with your nonsense.”

“Magicwood? No, no stay, Simon,” interjected Richards with excitement. “I remember hearing of it in my travels. Tell us all about it.”

Simon rolled his eyes nostalgically. “When I was a little pisser sitting at the fireplace on rainy nights. Grand-mamma told me many wondrous things. Magicwood would be one of them. Magicwood, she said, would give a musician power over Orcs and Trolls if he made his instrument of it.”

“Power? What kind of power?” asked Vincent seriously?

Percy sat back and rolled his eyes upward in disgust.

Simon answered eagerly, “The Magicwood music,” she said, “would melt the stone heart of an Orc. The Orc would be so enchanted he would give you all his gold. As for the Trolls, she said, if a Troll heard just one strand of its music they would cry with remorse and become your life long protector.”

“Fascinating.” intoned Richards.

“Yes, fascinating,” repeated Percy with zero emotion. “Orcs and Trolls. More fairy tale rubbish.”

Richards turned and scowled at Percy. Percy scowled back. “Pay no attention to this old lemon sucker,” said Richards. “Does the wood have any other power?”

Simon became more thoughtful, “Yes, the power of expression. Magicwood bonds with the musician, giving him or her more ease of deeper expressions, whether it is of joy, anger, sadness, or love.”

“Now that is fascinating,” answered Vincent. “I’m always looking for better ways of expression. So how does the musician bond with the Magicwood?”

Simon thought for a moment. “According to Grand-mamma, the musician bonds with the magic if he cuts down the Magicwood tree himself and then makes it an instrument.”

“That sounds to be difficult,” said Richards, looking quietly and smiling at Percy’s belly. “Is there another way for a musician to bond with the instrument?” asked the troubadour.

“Yes. There is. I almost forgot. Magic can be gained if the musician is sprinkled with the sawdust of Magicwood.”

Percy dropped back into his chair and almost choked, laughing. “That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Simon, you are too funny. Magicwood, sawdust, and magic, what rubbish!”

“This is my answer, your answer, Percy!” exclaimed Richards, “This is exactly what I need_ an instrument of enchantment.”

A gleam came to Vincents’s eyes. Ignoring Percy’s look of cynicism, Richards asked Simon, “Where is this Magicwood? We need to go there.”

“I don’t know,” replied Simon sadly. Then he brightened. “But I have a cousin who knows a hunter that some say is an Elf. They say the elf knows the location.”

“Fate has shined on us,” said Richards, turning to Percy with triumph.

“What? How so?” asked Percy incredulously.

“The Elf can lead us to Magicwood.”

“But, but,” said Percy.

“We need to find him,” replied Richards. “My chateau and my pension are at stake. Your livelihood and life are at stake. I need a guitar of magic. You can cut down a Magicwood tree to make me one.”

Percy’s eyes grew wide and spumed with indignation. “A quest for Magicwood? Are you out of your mind? There is no such thing as Magicwood! There are no such things as Elves. And there is no such thing as magic! And I’m not going. I am not going god knows where. I am not a woodcutter, I’m a luthier. And, I especially don’t want to risk getting killed by some painted savage!”

“Do not worry, my friend, I will go with you. I have a sword,” said the old man, beaming. “It will be a chance to learn new songs, new poems, new and old stories. New civilizations to learn from: exotic people, exotic women. You need a woman, Percy, to give you some romance.”

“Ah, to go to where no troubadour has ever gone before! Just thinking about it makes me feel like uncorked wine. This will be an achievement of a lifetime.”

“I need to go. You need to go. Percy, this is your chance to get out of your rut and to become more than a luthier! It is your chance for greatness and glory and,” he added, “new patronage!”

Percy stood up, placed his hands on Richards’s shoulders. In a quiet voice, he queried, “Vincent, how can you believe such fairy tales? Such rubbish? Simon, I can understand. He is a humble laborer, but you? You’re well educated.”

“Yes, I am well educated, for I am a Soul of the Sphere. In my many travels of many, many, decades, I have heard many strange stories: stories defying all logic. I know, myths have an element of truth to them.”

“They say a lot of things and next to nil of them are true,” retorted Percy. “I do not believe in old hag tales. This is all the prattling of senile old women with nothing better to do than count the warts on their dried up old bodies.”

“Vincent, take your gold and the guitar. Compare it to Taylor’s; you will see I speak truly. Now, gentlemen, it is time for my nap. I am tired. Please, leave.”

Richards stood stunned. “I will rent the guitar… merely for practice. Keep the gold. In the meantime, I will visit Taylor and the Duke.”

With Simon’s help, he quickly and carefully packed the guitar and, with restrained annoyance, left.

Simon merely shrugged his shoulders and followed the old troubadour to his horse and carriage.

Percy quietly closed the door behind them. “What am I to do? My home and my workshop will be burned down and I will be murdered. And all they can talk about is Magicwood. There is no such thing as Magicwood,”

 

[Bowler1]

Not much happened really for a lot of words, only for the main character to head off for a nap by the end.

In the stunned depression - I have no idea what this means.
A lot of eye rolling, is this needed?
Asked Vincent seriously? - Simon answered eagerly - repeated Percy with zero emotion - your telling me the character emotions instead of showing.
“Fascinating.” intoned Richards - “Fascinating, no full stop but a comma if followed by lowercase” intoned Richards.
When setting dialogue, reread and if it feels forced rework it until it feels natural. The question to ask most (bearing in mind the type of character you want to portray) is would I say this in the same situation? If the answer is no and it feels forced to you, edit until you're happy. However there were some nice flashes in there, see senile old women, that whole sentence was nice.

Ok, that's enough of kicking you in the shins and until the first eye roll I was enjoying the scene setting. It feels to me that your trying too hard to make the scene feel old world instead of letting the characters live in a world that is old to us. Focus on keeping the pace moving and for this section what actually happened, and not much by the end, which is asking a lot from your reader. In general a good mix of dialogue, character actions and world building all nicely layered in as you go. Work on making it feel natural for flow, where you work your socks off and me as the reader doesn't have to do any work at all. Edit... edit... edit and edit again - you fuss over each and every word so as the reader I don't have to. A tall order, but give it a go and see how you do.

Later and good luck with it.

 

[Lafayette]

Not much happened really for a lot of words, only for the main character to head off for a nap by the end.

What happened is nothing good happened. Percy's friends couldn't help him or anyone else. He is left with an impending promise that his place will be burned down and murdered in process. Isn't that bad enough or does he have to be hit on the head or murdered in the first chapter? Isn't this is what most writers would do? How original is that? I'm trying to get away from formulas. How would you write this?

In the stunned depression - I have no idea what this means.

It means both men were hit (or stunned) by depression owing to their sad situations.

A lot of eye rolling, is this needed?

I believe so. To me it adds to the atmosphere of the scene and character traits and/or elements of the men.

Asked Vincent seriously? - Simon answered eagerly - repeated Percy with zero emotion - your telling me the character emotions instead of showing.

How do I show them? As a rule, I know you should show instead of tell, which brings a question: when do you tell?

“Fascinating.” intoned Richards - “Fascinating, no full stop but a comma if followed by lowercase” intoned Richards.

I or my grammar check missed this one. Thanks.

When setting dialogue, reread and if it feels forced rework it until it feels natural.

It didn't feel forced, but I will read it again and if needed rewrite.

The question to ask most (bearing in mind the type of character you want to portray) is would I say this in the same situation? If the answer is no and it feels forced to you, edit until you're happy. However there were some nice flashes in there, see senile old women, that whole sentence was nice.

Ok, that's enough of kicking you in the shins and until the first eye roll I was enjoying the scene setting. It feels to me that your trying too hard to make the scene feel old world instead of letting the characters live in a world that is old to us. Focus on keeping the pace moving and for this section what actually happened, and not much by the end, which is asking a lot from your reader.

Shouldn't the reader be challenged once in a while? I remembered being challenged by Donaldson's Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever and still enjoyed it. I know I'm not Donaldson, but doesn't the principle apply?

In general a good mix of dialogue, character actions and world building all nicely layered in as you go. Work on making it feel natural for flow, where you work your socks off and me as the reader doesn't have to do any work at all. Edit... edit... edit and edit again - you fuss over each and every word so as the reader I don't have to. A tall order, but give it a go and see how you do.

I have been doing this and will continue doing this until it's a fine gem.

Thank you for taking out the time to critique my work. I appreciate it.

Later and good luck with it.

 

[Bowler1]

Hey Lafayette, I have decided to add more, but it was a close run thing. One of the things I worry most about when doing critiques is putting people off and it is a risk, but from above I felt I could add more to your questions or comments. Bear in mind that I am doing this with good intent and to try and help, but that doesn't meant you have to take my help.

I will start with show and tell.

Bowler1 was frustrated with Lafayette - is telling, and very easy to do.

Bowler1 one paused, fingers hovering over a lettered keyboard and he worried if his words and thoughts were correct, or even if he should bother? - Showing of sorts, and maybe not all that good either, but to show in my view means you have to put more of you as a writer on the page or it doesn't work. As writing tools both are good to use and it is a case of when to use the correct writing tool. In a shooting scene where a character is fighting for their life telling keeps the pace going and can be good to use. Showing too, how the guns feels to the character, are they frightened, or is everything happening too quick for any thoughts at all? The only thing right about writing tools is for you the writer to decide, but to tell and not show in my view leaves no room for flare or you on the page.

As to what happened, where we are left with an impending promise of more to come, was just that. You have a story to come and your chapter one is three characters chatting about what might happen and dangers to come. To me, that's simply pointless. Why aren't we off on the adventure with real danger? Why are we chatting instead of living the story? Why have we not headed off into the big new world you have in your imagination? And as you ask, why not hit someone on the head and get rolling with murder, that's right into the action and will keep me entertained, which is my point. Talk is just that, all talk. Get on with it, because you have to compete with my TV, laptop, tablet, play station, Facebook, Google and the rest of the world. It's a tough modern world and I believe as modern writers we have to deliver. So don't worry about formula's, it is about you and me, the reader and writer, your soul for my time and it's hardly a fair deal, but that's the way it is. I'm enthralled, entertained, or not there at all. It's a tough world and to be a writer is just asking for pain and grief, but everyone on here feels this pain and keeps on giving, and you must too.

Should you challenge a reader? If you want to then do so, do what you like. Just do it well, or you won't have a reader to challenge, it really is that simple.

On dialogue, it honestly did feel stilted to me, what can I say. As a possible solution, read your dialogue aloud and see if this feels natural and see if this helps. To balance this you had some good lines and one or two with real flare, but these were lost in a desert of flat speech. It all has to be good or it doesn't work. The solution is painfully simple, practice and hard work. It takes time, so keep at it and you'll get there.

In day to day life do you go around rolling your eyes at the world? I doubt it, I never do. I spit and swear at the world and this is in my writing, but no eye rolling. Keep it real, or it won't work.

My dinner is ready so I'm off. And as I said, keep it real and keep at it.

 

[msstice]

I liked it.

The following formulations did seem a bit strange to me, but perhaps you are experimenting with the language.

1. In the stunned depression
2. Percy reared to his feet

The typos and minor errors, I'm not bothering pointing out - you or any simple software will catch that.

I did not get why the man's mansion would be burned down. You likely mentioned it in the earlier part, and I just forgot.

I kept reading because there was some conflict between the characters and the next step is the resolution of the question whether Percy will join the quest or not and why.

The piece could be improved by increasing the depth of character development and adding some more backstory. It's all there in the dialog, but the density could perhaps be increased.

 

[Lafayette]

I liked it.

Thank you I'm glad you did and thank you for your interest.

The following formulations did seem a bit strange to me, but perhaps you are experimenting with the language.

1. In the stunned depression

Meaning both men were hit suddently by depression.

Percy reared to his feet

Meaning he came to stand quickly to his feet in anger.

The typos and minor errors, I'm not bothering pointing out - you or any simple software will catch that.

I did not get why the man's mansion would be burned down. You likely mentioned it in the earlier part, and I just forgot.

From Part 1 of Chapter 1 What is Magicwood

Percy turned his head away. Then he stared at the troubadour with woe. “I’m in debt.”

“You’ve been in debt before and paid your way out. What’s the rub?”

“The rub is Lyon the Lender,” breathed Percy.

“And?”

“And I owe him forty thousand francs.”

“Forty thousand francs!” exclaimed Vincent. “By the saints, that is a lot of coin. Why so much? And, why did you ever agree?”

“My aunt Joenic was very sick with a rare disease,” answered Percy. “The healers declared the only cure was five very rare and expensive potions. I didn’t have the coin. And the local lenders don’t enjoy lending to Truers.”

“Lyon heard of my plight and made me an offer. He would give me fifty thousand francs up front if I made his mistress a guitar of Teitton Swamp Oak in one month.”

Richards’s mouth dropped open. “Percy. just owning a plank of Teitton Swamp Oak is illegal.”

“Yes, I know, but Aunt Joenic was failing every day. I just couldn’t see her suffer and do nothing. To meet his deadline, I had to cancel five contracts and refund ten thousand francs. Swamp Oak is extremely hard to work with. I went without sleep for six days, but I completed and delivered it.

“But he was not happy,” added Vincent. “Why?”

“He was for three days. Two days later, the guitar was infested by Boemeanian Termites. The guitar was beyond repair. He screamed and waved a knife at me, saying I should have treated the guitar with Morteen. Morteen is incompatible with Swamp Oak. He wants his money back in three weeks. He vows to burn my house and shop down.”

“I can’t that raise that much money in three weeks,” cried Percy. “Without your endorsement and a royal gesture from the king, I’m doomed."

I kept reading because there was some conflict between the characters and the next step is the resolution of the question whether Percy will join the quest or not and why.

The piece could be improved by increasing the depth of character development and adding some more backstory. It's all there in the dialog, but the density could perhaps be increased.

Does part 1 answer this lack of character development and backstory?

 

[Lafayette]

Hey Lafayette, I have decided to add more, but it was a close run thing. One of the things I worry most about when doing critiques is putting people off and it is a risk, but from above I felt I could add more to your questions or comments. Bear in mind that I am doing this with good intent and to try and help, but that doesn't meant you have to take my help.

Again thank you.

I will start with show and tell.

Bowler1 was frustrated with Lafayette - is telling, and very easy to do.

Yes, it is and I try in most cases not to use it.

Bowler1 one paused, fingers hovering over a lettered keyboard and he worried if his words and thoughts were correct, or even if he should bother? - Showing of sorts, and maybe not all that good either, but to show in my view means you have to put more of you as a writer on the page or it doesn't work.

My stories aren't about me, but people I make up from what I have seen around me.

As writing tools both are good to use and it is a case of when to use the correct writing tool. In a shooting scene where a character is fighting for their life telling keeps the pace going and can be good to use. Showing too, how the guns feels to the character, are they frightened, or is everything happening too quick for any thoughts at all? The only thing right about writing tools is for you the writer to decide, but to tell and not show in my view leaves no room for flare or you on the page.

I agree with you there. One of the challenges of writing is knowing when, where, and what tools to use. For me this continues to be a thought provoker.

As to what happened, where we are left with an impending promise of more to come, was just that. You have a story to come and your chapter one is three characters chatting about what might happen and dangers to come. To me, that's simply pointless.

I don't see my characters merely chatting, as if they should wear a blue or a red shirt to a dinner party, but are engaging in a conversation seeking resolution. I don't believe it is pointless. I don't believe thinking about impending danger is pointless. My goal is to place the reader in the same situation as my characters are in.

Why aren't we off on the adventure with real danger? Why are we chatting instead of living the story? Why have we not headed off into the big new world you have in your imagination? And as you ask, why not hit someone on the head and get rolling with murder,

Because that's not the way, I envision my story, that is not where my imagination is leading me. To me, to do it like a dime-a-dozen-writers would do it would be dishonest and I feel that there are readers that agree with me. The real joy of a journey is not always the destination, but the walk.

that's right into the action and will keep me entertained, which is my point. Talk is just that, all talk. Get on with it, because you have to compete with my TV, laptop, tablet, play station, Facebook, Google and the rest of the world. It's a tough modern world and I believe as modern writers we have to deliver. So don't worry about formula's, it is about you and me, the reader and writer, your soul for my time and it's hardly a fair deal, but that's the way it is. I'm enthralled, entertained, or not there at all. It's a tough world and to be a writer is just asking for pain and grief, but everyone on here feels this pain and keeps on giving, and you must too.

I understand where you are coming from. However, I'm not trying to compete with the popular media and I have no wish to. Giving is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to give my best. Pain? I'm feeling it right now. In the words of Bob Dylan:

Well, I try my best to be just like I am
But everybody wants you to be just like them
They say, "Sing while you slave" and I just get bored
I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more

Should you challenge a reader? If you want to then do so, do what you like. Just do it well, or you won't have a reader to challenge, it really is that simple.

On dialogue, it honestly did feel stilted to me, what can I say. As a possible solution, read your dialogue aloud and see if this feels natural and see if this helps.

I did as you you suggested. Employing my Balabolka it did sounded stilted, however when I used my own natural voice it sounded very good.

To balance this you had some good lines and one or two with real flare, but these were lost in a desert of flat speech. It all has to be good or it doesn't work. The solution is painfully simple, practice and hard work. It takes time, so keep at it and you'll get there.

Yes, I know.

In day to day life do you go around rolling your eyes at the world? I doubt it, I never do. I spit and swear at the world and this is in my writing, but no eye rolling. Keep it real, or it won't work.

I don't roll my eyes, but I have seen others do it. And I don't spit and swear.

My dinner is ready so I'm off. And as I said, keep it real and keep at it.

 

[Bowler1]

My stories aren't about me, but people I make up from what I have seen around me.

Then these are characters from within you and they would never exist without you. It is your filter on the world which will be very different to mine, but through your writing you have the opportunity share with me your view of the world through your characters. So writing is about you, and about me when I write, so consider this when you write. I do think that the more of you, you share through your characters the more life they have and this can only improve what your attempting to present.

You have had more than enough form me to last a lifetime, so I'll leave you to it for now.

 

[Lafayette]

My stories aren't about me, but people I make up from what I have seen around me.

Then these are characters from within you and they would never exist without you. It is your filter on the world which will be very different to mine, but through your writing you have the opportunity share with me your view of the world through your characters. So writing is about you, and about me when I write, so consider this when you write. I do think that the more of you, you share through your characters the more life they have and this can only improve what your attempting to present.

You have had more than enough form me to last a lifetime, so I'll leave you to it for now.

A very good point. I will think about it some more.

Thank you for your time in critiquing me.

By the way, how was your dinner.

 

[Bowler1]

Dinner was very nice and because I'd been out all day it had lashings of hunger sauce. Wine helped so all in all, a good meal.

 

[msstice]

Does part 1 answer this lack of character development and backstory?

I don't see it that way. I see this next section as opportunity for even more.

 

[Lafayette]

Thank you for your comments.

I don't see it that way.

The backstory, as I see it is: Percy had a very sick aunt whose only possible cure were some extremely potions which he didn't have for. Because he belongs to a religious sect called Truers he couldn't get a loan from the local bankers so he turned to a local loan shark. In exchanged he agreed to make a guitar (of illegal wood) for the loan shark's mistress. Unfortunately, termites ravaged the guitar. The shark unfairly blamed Percy for the accident and then demanded his money back. Percy, of course, doesn't haven't it he spent the money for his aunt's cure. His aunt died anyway. The shark is threatening to destroy Percy's home and busy and murder if he doesn't pay up.

I see this next section as opportunity for even more.

Can you explain how and/or why?

 

[msstice]

I should elaborate on my response. The backstory in pt 1 is fine and explains why one character could lose his house. What I mean was that the dialog in this part II could reveal a bit more backstory/character development. Currently it advances the plot by giving some information related to a main quest (perhaps) but it could be made more dense.

 

[Lafayette]

I should elaborate on my response. The backstory in pt 1 is fine and explains why one character could lose his house. What I mean was that the dialog in this part II could reveal a bit more backstory/character development.

I'll think about it some more.

Currently it advances the plot by giving some information related to a main quest (perhaps) but it could be made more dense.

When you say, 'more dense' do you meaner for the reader to figure out or making the plot thicker. I'm sorry, but there are times I can be dense.

Thanks again.

 

[msstice]

When you say, 'more dense' do you meaner for the reader to figure out or making the plot thicker. I'm sorry, but there are times I can be dense.

Sorry, more information dense. Like more things can be revealed during the dialog. It's just a feeling on my part.

 

[jjcomet]

Liked the second part; really left Percy hanging - pun intended??
I though the dialog worked, even with little action. And that bit about 'Percy reared to his feet.', I knew exactly what was going on. For I own horse's and when one rears they are generally agitated.

From Bowler1: 'In general a good mix of dialogue, character actions and world building all nicely layered in as you go. Work on making it feel natural for flow, where you work your socks off and me as the reader doesn't have to do any work at all. Edit... edit... edit and edit again -'
Oh, I have re-re-reedited my own work and still feel out of my league. But that aspect of layered as you go - that comes over the various chapters in my book.
As Lafayette is trying to get through on being kicked in the shins, in only providing the beginning of his story. Guess there is only so much one can tell in a sample of their work. Whereas trying to critique only a partial of one's story can also be difficult.

I came away with, 'What is Magicwood?' enjoyed. There were depth in the characters and could understand the setting. What follows in Lafayette's works will continue to layer the search for Magicwood.