Sentient robot explaining its mind to a human

[BcRedneck]

Ok, before I start this. This is slightly inspired by Asimov, with a little touch of futurama (The robots are capable of drinking and doing drugs). The conversation is too one-sided at this point and needs work, but I laid its foundation. The math thing I have mentioned before in my last book, is based on my belief one of humanity's great mistakes was counting our fingers (Quarters halves and thirds could have been whole numbers if we used 12 instead of 10) I don't know maybe too much info for some small thing (At least at this point in the story). Read it and tell me what you think. Don't hold back I don't need to be told it's good if it's not, I'm trying to improve my work.


Alora walked up to the door and knocked on it.
“Come in, Alora”
How the f*ck she know it’s me?
Alora opened the door and stepped inside.
“Thought you may want to drink. How you know it was me?”
“Three people knock on my door. Unlike you humans I remember everything always, well until my head is full anyway. Every person knocks differently”.
Alora filled a cup and passed it to Rita. She took a drink and put it down on the table beside her chair. There was no bed in Rita’s room just book shelves a couple chairs and the table.
“How do you think? I’m sorry if I offend you, but I really want to know”.
Rita nodded and took another drink.
“Most people are curious when the see one of my kind the first time, but you ask a complicated question. My brain is a crystal, It’s a combination of a little digital and a lot of analog information. Chains of molecules are constantly being burnt into that crystal. Those are my memory’s Around that is a network of silicone germanium and gold circuits. That’s my possessor and basic function computing. But that’s not what you wanted to know is it?”
Alora shook her head.
“No, I was wond...”
Rita had her hand up.
“Before you ask that you need to know how I am free-thinking, how I became as much a person as you are. A long time ago Two centuries in fact. Men were pushing digital electronics to the very edge. They wanted to create AI more for fame than anything. They tried and tried, nothing could even touch the human brain. Then a man named Alan Aiken came along, he looked at what everyone was doing and said, why do we keep trying to make digital do what our brains are doing if our brains are analog. They looked at him like he was insane, many believed him to be. The man even used his own form of math, twelve was the start of double digits, he believed that to be a key to complex equations. Something about half’s quarters and thirds being whole numbers. Alan brought together a team, they created the first computer truly capable of free thought. Then they fired it up, nothing happened. All this time, all this money, and nothing to show. Everyone abandoned him, but he was not done yet. He tried feeding it information, the machine stored it and nothing else. Finally, he gave up, but he didn’t want to let his hard work become a complete waste. So he started to use the machine to do equations and help solve problems for an unknown project of his. After three years the first truly sentient artificial being came into his mind. Alan was in shock and at first, no one believed him, but he had done it. Everyone before him including himself thought all they needed was a computer capable of thought, but they missed the biggest part of it all. When a human child is born they are not completely aware they are alive or what that means. They learn from experiencing life, they are fed little bits of information over time and slowly put it all together. That information and experience make each person who they are and it’s the same with us. Once he figured that out they made robots to do tasks around humans, and those robots learned until they became sentient. We call it coming into our minds. I am sixty-eight years old and I have been in my own mind forty-three of those years. Now you can ask your question”.

 

[Bowler1]

Brace yourself BcRedneck

Alora walked up to the door and knocked on it.
“Come in, Alora,” said a digital voice from the other side.
How the f*ck she know it’s me?
Alora opened the door and stepped inside.
“Thought you may want to drink,' as she waved a full bottle, 'and how did you know it was me?”

One missing comma after Alora. Dialogue only is hard to keep up with, but also misses the opportunity to add in character actions, setting and general depth to what is happening. By adding in small details with dialogue, a little description and character thoughts as examples, it's not so noticeable as the dialogue is still the main element being presented.

As to a long speech about computer development, it was too long and if I am honest, a little boring. Watch for comma placement and the odd missing word as well. I have chopped back to the bare bones below, and I believe that's all that is needed. Back story, additional information that adds no value (assuming this Aiken does not reappear in the plotline) is asking a lot from a reader, and for me as a reader, I won't give you the time. Your story needs to keep moving, to keep me entertained, or I'm off. You need to keep your writing focused to keep me and probably most other readers, a sad fact to think about in this fickle world - I will admit to the attention span of a puppy dog, but like a puppy, I will stay with you if you make me happy.

“Before you ask how I am free-thinking, when a human child is born are they not completely unaware that they are alive or what that means. They learn from experiencing life, they are fed little bits of information and over time put it all together. That information and experience make each person who they are and it’s the same with us. Robots learn(ed) until they became sentient, and I have been in my own mind forty-three of those years. Now you can ask your question.”

I like Asimov, so good luck with it.

 

[BcRedneck]

Aiken actually has a role in all three books and you have confirmed my personal thoughts on this. The last two moved really fast, but I made a mistake in this one putting my character on a boat. I'm going to have to sink the damn thing or something. I'm not good at time lapses so the other two had constant action, I believe to the point of too much.

This thing with robots, Aiken, and where the boat is heading is crucial to the story so I have to sit down and fix it all before moving forward. I also just realized the last file of my first book is gone so that's 6k words short of its ending. That's fine I had problems with that anyway.

 

[worldofmutes]

OP, you might read Stanisław Lem’s book Imaginary Magnitude? Sounds like Lem takes a similar approach, (although I haven’t read this Asimov). The robot answers questions about the limits of humanities evolution, such that we can never master photosynthesis, nor develop an aqualung (Jethro Tull anybody?). That, insects have also impeded their very evolution because of their exoskeletons. This was actually more a philosophic discussion on Lem’s part, and didn’t offer a lot in relation to plot. But I still found it entertaining.

 

[Bowler1]

If I lost 6k of work I'd be very niffed. You're very calm about that loss BcRedneck, far better than I would ever be.

 

[BcRedneck]

The 6k of work I was already planning on rewriting. Now I'm forced to, so it doesn't bother me at all. To me the end of that felt rushed. I find if I develop any plan to something that happens.

 

[AllanR]

--Every single non dialogue paragraph starts with a persons name. Maybe some variety there.
--The long blurb is too long I think, and it really told me little about how the robot thinks and felt more like a history lesson. Perhaps the history and the science/engineering could be separated in different paragraphs or even different scenes.