P.K.Acredon
Just a memer who went too far...
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2021
- Messages
- 52
This short story may seem really random because I wrote it in one sitting while being distracted by videos and the only reason why I wrote it was to see if my current writing is good enough to be put in a novel. The words that explain the story is where I'm currently at in the scale of good writing and bad writing. If I didn't describe things properly or if the pacing is too off or if somethings just don't make sense, just keep in mind that this is just me practicing writing. I welcome your criticism.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The story:
A shed in a field lit up with blue fire without a match to ignite it. It fell into eight pieces, its four beams, its three walls, and its roof while they all glowed blue. “This is never going to work,” said Abram while curling his crafters gauntlets into fists. He built the shed four times by now and was not looking forward to building it a fifth time. “Maybe I just have the wrong materials,” he said with his companion on his side.
“It doesn’t matter the materials,” his companion said. Abram could sense his companion’s condescension. His companions entire presence seemed to condensed Abrams existence. His name was Barthramon. A being with gold skin whose eyes lit up blue when he is connected to some power that Abram is too inexperience to understand. Abram didn’t know if he was a machine made of inanimate material or a man made of flesh. He assumed Barthramon was both. “Every cycle that passes can infused it energy, whether an erudition or enchantment, in any sort of matter. How many times are you going to watch your shed fall until you realize that?”
Abram stared at the broken shed. He took one step towards it and slightly raised his hand as the broken shed seemed to beg to help it like any hurt animal the longer Abram stared at hit. “I can’t just leave it. I waited too long to put together.”
“That is what you were so eager to make? A dinky shed?” Barthramon said with chuckle. “Of all the things you were eager to do when you got your rank, you wanted to build small sheds? While many other builders use their power granted to make incredible creations? If I would have know that I would have never wanted to be assigned to assist your building.”
Blood flowed into Abrams head until it seemed it became a whirlpool. Dizziness was upon him due to his mind being bored of everyone he ever met always telling him the same things that Barthramon said. “Nothing wrong with wanted something simpler for once.” Abram said exhaling while hoping this would be the last time he used this answer. He started walking back to the shed. Barthramon remained standing.
“You think people care if of simple things? That why builders exist! To show how extraordinary the world can be!” Barthramon shouted due to Abram becoming further away. “Always so hyper”, Abram mumbled. Barthramon was a strange being. Regardless if he was born or made, he was designed to hold all of the things Builders gathered. Since most builders love experimenting with the environment by manipulating it and studying it, they gather many things that beings like Barthramon equally love to hold. Thanks to the crafters gauntlets that gather materials and turn them into an immaterial fluid like essence which the essence can be transferred Barthramon’s when he used his eyes to absorb them.
A being like Barthramon couldn’t have the patience like a human due to having a more expansive awareness. Thinking about his vast awareness sparked interest in Abram in such power. Which drained interested in his desire to make a simple house that was not affected by the scientific powers of erudition or the magical powers of enchantment.
As Abram walked closer to the undignified pile of rubble that the shed had become, he could feel feels of overwhelming joy. What ever source that blue fire came from, it was birthed from a being who felt more emotions than any human can hold alone. Closer he walked, and then his emotions turned into images presented face-to-fact due to the blue smoke left by the blue fire. He could see the other builders use their power to perform such wonders. Some builders lifted their arms almost lazily and then another arm made of rock busted out. It was as big as a building and the same shape as the builders gauntlet which he used to control the large arm made of rock. Abram stood still as a statue. His enthusiasm was also the other builders enthusiasm. This enchantment he felt was the same enchantment that this other builder was using. Simultaneously they felt each others presence from thousands of miles. The other builder turned to look at who was watching them startling Abram. He swiftly waved his hand to remove the image before the other builder could see him.
“Impressive.” Barthramon said. Abram gasped. His gauntlet was curled ready for a fight until he saw it was Barthramon. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Abram said.
Barthramon lifted his hairless brow. “Sneak? I stood right by you for a while now. I guess other builders are impressive enough to leave you in motionless shot, huh?” Abram kept his lips closed. As much as I was determined to build a simple shed he always wanted to make when he became a build, he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t also always wanted to experience the thrill of the builders activities. “I just thought there should be humbler begins. With all the recklessness that I see, it makes me think that builders get too full of themselves”
“Look around,” Barthramon said while turning back and forth. “Does anything look like it has any use for humility? The powers given to you builders from the great beings above, the great beings who gave you magic that could cast that blue fire, so you can harness it and be free to become great beings yourself. IF you ask me, they would feel insulted to see a builder, whom they applied given their gift to, waste their time on so-called humble things that are too small to be noticed.”
Again, Abram kept his lips closed. He didn’t think it was necessary to try to speak to Barthramon’s logical anymore. He had nothing to counter Barthramon’s point, unless he wanted to make a fool of himself by saying random nonsense.
“Look” Barthramon said pointing to distant fields. “Another cycle is coming. Now’s your chance to test a true builders power.” Abram stared at his gauntlets reluctantly. They seemed to be begging him to use them when the cycle comes and his twitching hands seemed to be restraining them.
“Fine. I’ll try it.” Abram said. He watched as the cycles light began getting closer to him like a rapture escaping from clouds reaching to the ground. Closer the cycle came and Abram could see small rainbow flares appear and disappearing. Closer and closer did the cycle come until finally it surrounded Abram.
Abram closed his eyes. He absorbed the light the cycle was presenting with his gauntlets. Abram closed his eyes tighter. Preparing for something he had no knowledge of how it would come. His preparation seemed to be accelerating the gauntlets absorption of the cycles light because of his arms feeling pressure caused by the gauntlets squeezing his arms and mass from the weight of the energy the gauntlets carry. Then he opened his eyes and launched up and up and up. Abrams stomach fluttered. For a moment he lost his breathe and only caught it when he said “woah” rapidly from his high view. His view saw far off land who horizons had no curve. As far as his eyes could see laid landscapes that was on a flat plane that could have been going on forever in an infinite Field. This infinite field contained snowy mountains, oceans, forests, and large batches of area that look as if night fall was upon it despite the area that Abram was in containing a bright sun. Then he noticed the other cycles. From far away, cycles movements were curved. Like black and white circles moving in orbit with another much larger black and white circle moving around just the same. Their lights shined on the physical landscapes and he could see from a far the cycles affecting them when he say a forests trees turn to stone.
As Abram floated in the air, he felt it. He felt it all. The feeling of overwhelming wonder and ecstatic desire to fly around. He began to accelerated toward the end of the valley that he was in but stopped from its speed making it difficult for him to breathe. He also lowered himself to see more details in his view. Seeing the shapes of mountains from above gave Abram a feeling of freedom that he longed for his whole life. But what he saw after, made him forget every wonderous feeling he had from using his acquired power and the view of his world.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The story:
A shed in a field lit up with blue fire without a match to ignite it. It fell into eight pieces, its four beams, its three walls, and its roof while they all glowed blue. “This is never going to work,” said Abram while curling his crafters gauntlets into fists. He built the shed four times by now and was not looking forward to building it a fifth time. “Maybe I just have the wrong materials,” he said with his companion on his side.
“It doesn’t matter the materials,” his companion said. Abram could sense his companion’s condescension. His companions entire presence seemed to condensed Abrams existence. His name was Barthramon. A being with gold skin whose eyes lit up blue when he is connected to some power that Abram is too inexperience to understand. Abram didn’t know if he was a machine made of inanimate material or a man made of flesh. He assumed Barthramon was both. “Every cycle that passes can infused it energy, whether an erudition or enchantment, in any sort of matter. How many times are you going to watch your shed fall until you realize that?”
Abram stared at the broken shed. He took one step towards it and slightly raised his hand as the broken shed seemed to beg to help it like any hurt animal the longer Abram stared at hit. “I can’t just leave it. I waited too long to put together.”
“That is what you were so eager to make? A dinky shed?” Barthramon said with chuckle. “Of all the things you were eager to do when you got your rank, you wanted to build small sheds? While many other builders use their power granted to make incredible creations? If I would have know that I would have never wanted to be assigned to assist your building.”
Blood flowed into Abrams head until it seemed it became a whirlpool. Dizziness was upon him due to his mind being bored of everyone he ever met always telling him the same things that Barthramon said. “Nothing wrong with wanted something simpler for once.” Abram said exhaling while hoping this would be the last time he used this answer. He started walking back to the shed. Barthramon remained standing.
“You think people care if of simple things? That why builders exist! To show how extraordinary the world can be!” Barthramon shouted due to Abram becoming further away. “Always so hyper”, Abram mumbled. Barthramon was a strange being. Regardless if he was born or made, he was designed to hold all of the things Builders gathered. Since most builders love experimenting with the environment by manipulating it and studying it, they gather many things that beings like Barthramon equally love to hold. Thanks to the crafters gauntlets that gather materials and turn them into an immaterial fluid like essence which the essence can be transferred Barthramon’s when he used his eyes to absorb them.
A being like Barthramon couldn’t have the patience like a human due to having a more expansive awareness. Thinking about his vast awareness sparked interest in Abram in such power. Which drained interested in his desire to make a simple house that was not affected by the scientific powers of erudition or the magical powers of enchantment.
As Abram walked closer to the undignified pile of rubble that the shed had become, he could feel feels of overwhelming joy. What ever source that blue fire came from, it was birthed from a being who felt more emotions than any human can hold alone. Closer he walked, and then his emotions turned into images presented face-to-fact due to the blue smoke left by the blue fire. He could see the other builders use their power to perform such wonders. Some builders lifted their arms almost lazily and then another arm made of rock busted out. It was as big as a building and the same shape as the builders gauntlet which he used to control the large arm made of rock. Abram stood still as a statue. His enthusiasm was also the other builders enthusiasm. This enchantment he felt was the same enchantment that this other builder was using. Simultaneously they felt each others presence from thousands of miles. The other builder turned to look at who was watching them startling Abram. He swiftly waved his hand to remove the image before the other builder could see him.
“Impressive.” Barthramon said. Abram gasped. His gauntlet was curled ready for a fight until he saw it was Barthramon. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Abram said.
Barthramon lifted his hairless brow. “Sneak? I stood right by you for a while now. I guess other builders are impressive enough to leave you in motionless shot, huh?” Abram kept his lips closed. As much as I was determined to build a simple shed he always wanted to make when he became a build, he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t also always wanted to experience the thrill of the builders activities. “I just thought there should be humbler begins. With all the recklessness that I see, it makes me think that builders get too full of themselves”
“Look around,” Barthramon said while turning back and forth. “Does anything look like it has any use for humility? The powers given to you builders from the great beings above, the great beings who gave you magic that could cast that blue fire, so you can harness it and be free to become great beings yourself. IF you ask me, they would feel insulted to see a builder, whom they applied given their gift to, waste their time on so-called humble things that are too small to be noticed.”
Again, Abram kept his lips closed. He didn’t think it was necessary to try to speak to Barthramon’s logical anymore. He had nothing to counter Barthramon’s point, unless he wanted to make a fool of himself by saying random nonsense.
“Look” Barthramon said pointing to distant fields. “Another cycle is coming. Now’s your chance to test a true builders power.” Abram stared at his gauntlets reluctantly. They seemed to be begging him to use them when the cycle comes and his twitching hands seemed to be restraining them.
“Fine. I’ll try it.” Abram said. He watched as the cycles light began getting closer to him like a rapture escaping from clouds reaching to the ground. Closer the cycle came and Abram could see small rainbow flares appear and disappearing. Closer and closer did the cycle come until finally it surrounded Abram.
Abram closed his eyes. He absorbed the light the cycle was presenting with his gauntlets. Abram closed his eyes tighter. Preparing for something he had no knowledge of how it would come. His preparation seemed to be accelerating the gauntlets absorption of the cycles light because of his arms feeling pressure caused by the gauntlets squeezing his arms and mass from the weight of the energy the gauntlets carry. Then he opened his eyes and launched up and up and up. Abrams stomach fluttered. For a moment he lost his breathe and only caught it when he said “woah” rapidly from his high view. His view saw far off land who horizons had no curve. As far as his eyes could see laid landscapes that was on a flat plane that could have been going on forever in an infinite Field. This infinite field contained snowy mountains, oceans, forests, and large batches of area that look as if night fall was upon it despite the area that Abram was in containing a bright sun. Then he noticed the other cycles. From far away, cycles movements were curved. Like black and white circles moving in orbit with another much larger black and white circle moving around just the same. Their lights shined on the physical landscapes and he could see from a far the cycles affecting them when he say a forests trees turn to stone.
As Abram floated in the air, he felt it. He felt it all. The feeling of overwhelming wonder and ecstatic desire to fly around. He began to accelerated toward the end of the valley that he was in but stopped from its speed making it difficult for him to breathe. He also lowered himself to see more details in his view. Seeing the shapes of mountains from above gave Abram a feeling of freedom that he longed for his whole life. But what he saw after, made him forget every wonderous feeling he had from using his acquired power and the view of his world.
Last edited by a moderator:
