Writing Prompt: Weird-looking alien trying to be inconspicuous in a big city.

[Bramandin]

“Tips for aliens in New York: ‘Land anywhere, Central Park, anywhere. No one will care, or indeed even notice. ‘Surviving: Get a job as a cab driver immediately. A cab driver’s job is to drive people anywhere they want to go in big yellow machines called taxis. Don’t worry if you don’t know how the machine works and you can’t speak the language, don’t understand the geography or indeed the basic physics of the area, and have large green antennae growing out of your head. Believe me, this is the best way of staying inconspicuous. ‘If your body is really weird try showing it to people in the streets for money.”
― Douglas Adams, The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five

Alternate prompt: someone giving this sort of advice to an alien or some other sort of non-human person.

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

Dear Special Alien Agent Black Socks,
If ya wanna pass as a human you’re gonna have to come round to their way of thinking. You see, they view the Universe in terms of stories. So if something lacks drama it effectively does not exist.
Appear calm and level headed at all times. Move slowly, breathe heavily, and never offer an opinion on anything.
The job of an Agent on Earth has been transformed with the advent of radiotelephonography devices. These are ubiquitous and consume most of the human's attention. To be honest, they make the Cloak of Kanunden redundant, and there is absolutely no need to cover up your Hopterior Flonguliions, nor your Spotulan, or your Lanticals.
Believe you me, if you just go quietly about your day you won’t be noticed. If you think I’m lying about this, ask the Queen of Onkor -she sent her most respected ambassador and twenty footmen to New York during what Humans called the 1980’s. Not even a raised eyebrow. The ambassador even hired out a large premises and labelled it the Onkor embassy. Nobody cared.
In short what I’m saying is ya can’t really go wrong on Earth. Unless you take it upon yourself to point out shortsightedness in human behaviour. Don’t. If you do, you’re on your own -the collective will disown you. And in all probability one of the humans will kill you.
Good luck,
Agent Red Tie
P.S. If you can, can you bring back a bucket of the stuff they call Sphagetti Bolognese? (there’s nothing else in the Universe like it)

 

[THX1138]

In my novel there is a scene that is the opposite, human trying to be inconspicuous in an alien city. So, the same but opposite point of view.
The aliens have a Begger culture (based off of the Old Blind Dogs song 'To The Beggin I Well Go' (And Historic as well.)
Thats how I solved it.

 

[THX1138]

I also forgot to add that the Beggers also wear a full body costume that hides their appearance. The human wears this as well.

 

[Bramandin]

I also forgot to add that the Beggers also wear a full body costume that hides their appearance. The human wears this as well.

Y'know, that's more plausible than just relying on New-Yorkers to just not care. I didn't write down the idea yet, but Tanya looks like a rubber-forehead alien and Sarah advised her to either stare at everything as if she didn't know what a fire hydrant was or act like she's in a costume that she completely forgot about.

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

Dear Southern Earth hemisphere Alliance Operative Kalalungo Groverthistle,

You will have your work cut out blending during operation Spideog. As you may by now know, you have been transported to Gabhmna. Here you have a very important investigative task to complete. Find out what these creatures eat for breakfast.

Now. I’m not gonna lie to you. This is a very dangerous planet. The entroncicles are active at many moments during Gabhmna daylight. And at night. I’m letting you know as you will need to be on your guard for them (unfortunately, neither I nor anyone I’ve met knows what entroncicles are. But considering the other stuff knocking about on Gabhmna they’re guaranteed to be dangerous).

The best way to remain undiscovered is to at all times seem like you’re busy. Gabhnians like to think of themselves as high achieving busy creatures. Most will not stop to deficate, and simply let fly as they run about doing whatever it is Gabhnians do. I strongly advise you to do the same.

And find a ladder. If anyone stops to question you just lean it against something and climb while you answer them. Tell them you’d love to chat but don’t have time.

Good luck,
Sincerely,
Southern Earth hemisphere Alliance Senior Operative Rubberdoor Splank.

P.S. If ya can, could ya find out how good their Nangleball team is? (I wanna put money on their upcoming game against Earth).

 

[Fiberglass Cyborg]

"Mum! It's not really a statue! I saw it moving!"
"Hush now, don't distract him. He's just trying to make a living. It's a tough life, being a street performer."

It took the next 48 hours for Senior Zoologist A'i'i'i'e to send the following message to xheir ship: "We knew about the difference in metabolic speed, but knowing is not the same as witnessing. These creatures move too fast for me to see!"

 

[Fiberglass Cyborg]

Revulsion is a common reaction on encountering humans. For millennia, we have been smug in our confidence that there is one natural form for intelligent life, and it is ours. All the other civilisations we have contacted have confirmed us in that belief. Though the details may differ, an intelligent life form has a segmented exoskeleton with numerous jointed limbs fulfilling functions ranging from gills to arms to jaws. This was the only way tool use could evolve, we believed.

Humans are frankly grotesque. They have an /internal/ skeleton, like the grags we squash underfoot or the yrpps that scuttle out of our wallow pipes. Their skin is disgustingly soft, and only parts of it are decently covered by setae. It is no surprise that they cover themselves up with sheets of flexible material to hide this ugliness even from each other. They have a pathetic complement of limbs - just two arms (though these are furnished with cunning quintuple pincers) and two legs. No, that is not a mistake. Two legs, on which they somehow totter along in an uncanny, panic-inducing lurch. Their mouthparts are similarly weird - a kind of hinged flap covered in flesh that distorts horribly as they mash their food.

As yet, humans show little sign of understanding our body-language. Yet they have video recording technology and they are not unintelligent. It follows that visitors to Earth must steel themselves to show no sign of the crawling horror they feel.