Difficulty

[Timben]

But I don't like it. Difficulty with what the cross does. Aging sounds too much like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

This is what I have written so far:

"The Cross of the Seven Jewels? That's only a myth," said Sam.

Both Chen and Daina had no idea what he was speaking of.

"Is he for real? What cross? What's he speaking of?" asked Daina.

"It dates from the Bible about a mystical thirteenth Apostle — Jesus Christ's ancestor in a line hidden by the Russian Orthodox Patriarchate. It supposedly has magical powers. It was written, over three hundred twenty years ago by a man believed by a select few to have been a mystic thirteenth apostle of Christ. Bejeweled cross necklace controls whoever wears the entire thing against his skin doesn't age, ever...So long as he wears the cross," declared Sam.

"You are correct, and with that cross, I would be invincible. Just who in hell are you?" asked Colonel Gorky.

"Sam Cassidy," said Sam.

 

[The Judge]

Timben, it looks to me that you want help deciding what powers the cross gives, not a critique of your actual writing which is what Critiques is for, so I've moved the thread over to Writing Discussion.

 

[AllanR]

If you give the cross some extreme negative to go with the aging, it could work. Maybe everyone around the wearer ages faster (only perceptible after years...) to compensate for the lack of aging of the wearer. Or maybe their hands still age and have to be hidden. Or maybe the wearer has to eat twice as much, or gets a taste for something unusual.

 

[Wayne Mack]

One possible way to spin the story would be to give the cross a, perhaps limited, power over death; a limited immortality. The Russian aspect could be tied in by giving Rasputin past ownership and use some of the mythology of Rasputin being unkillable. That could serve as an interesting backstory.

For the current situation, I could see three possibilities. One, the opposition forces are protectors of the cross and trying to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. Two, the opposition forces wanted to use the cross for some nefarious reason. Three, have two sets of opposition forces and each believes that the protagonists are aligned with the other. The opposition forces could be one protector and one evil user or two opposing evil users. I'm not sure how to make two protecting forces work, but that might make for an even more interesting dynamic.

That's one brainstorm and I think it gives enough differentiation from Indian Jones plots. It might even push it into more of Dan Brown territory.

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

Maybe the cross grants all human knowledge to whoever has it -possibly through an elaborate set of circumstances, maybe ya need to be at X place during the vernal equinox. Anyways, people with malign intent believe it will allow them an advantage over the rest of humanity, but it's actually a burden for folk like that. Maybe ya could throw it in is as one of those 'dammit the baddies got the magic wotsit, now things are even harder for the heroes ...oh wait, turns out it's not quite what they thought, good enough for those ne're do wells'.

Best of luck.

 

[Bramandin]

I still think it would be cool to have people not sure exactly what power it has, maybe rumors about longevity and great wisdom, but not let the reader know exactly what it can do. I completely forgot what Nathan Drake was looking for in the first game... El Dorado but really it was a sarcophagus with some sort of zombie plague in it.

In Indiana Jones, I forget what the Nazis thought opening the Ark would do, but apparently not that.

I was just looking at what the Spear of Destiny could do, which was apparently to give the wielder control over their own destiny. Hitler killed himself within hours of the Allies getting it back, and other people had misfortune after accidentally dropping it.

 

[Timben]

Timben, it looks to me that you want help deciding what powers the cross gives, not a critique of your actual writing which is what Critiques is for, so I've moved the thread over to Writing Discussion.

Thanks, I didn't know.

 

[Timben]

If you give the cross some extreme negative to go with the aging, it could work. Maybe everyone around the wearer ages faster (only perceptible after years...) to compensate for the lack of aging of the wearer. Or maybe their hands still age and have to be hidden. Or maybe the wearer has to eat twice as much, or gets a taste for something unusual.

That's a possibility.

 

[Timben]

One possible way to spin the story would be to give the cross a, perhaps limited, power over death; a limited immortality. The Russian aspect could be tied in by giving Rasputin past ownership and use some of the mythology of Rasputin being unkillable. That could serve as an interesting backstory.

For the current situation, I could see three possibilities. One, the opposition forces are protectors of the cross and trying to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. Two, the opposition forces wanted to use the cross for some nefarious reason. Three, have two sets of opposition forces and each believes that the protagonists are aligned with the other. The opposition forces could be one protector and one evil user or two opposing evil users. I'm not sure how to make two protecting forces work, but that might make for an even more interesting dynamic.

That's one brainstorm and I think it gives enough differentiation from Indian Jones plots. It might even push it into more of Dan Brown territory.

Yes, that could work.

 

[Timben]

How about this for Cross's power: Grants immorality. Gives the holder of the cross Jesus's ability to become immortal.