Punctuate Remembered Dialog

[Wayne Mack]

How should I handle a line of dialog that a PoV character remembers? Do I keep the quotes? Omit the quotes and treat it like a paraphrase? Made up example:

• She remembered what the dormouse said, "Feed your head."
• She remembered what the dormouse said, feed your head.
• She remembered what the dormouse said, Feed your head.

I'm leaning towards the first example even though I have true dialog going on before and after the thought. Would that be confusing to the reader?

 

[HareBrain]

I have a fourth option, which is what I use: quotes and italics. My source for this technique is when Frodo recalls what Gandalf told him about Gollum and pity in The Two Towers. When I was starting to write, I came across it and it stuck with me.

But of your three, I'd probably go with the last. Italics usually indicate mental speech.

 

[ckatt]

I would think that if you went with the second option it might need a colon rather than a comma.
But I agree that the first one is best. There should be no confusion since it says right there that she's remembering.

 

[HareBrain]

I have a fourth option, which is what I use: quotes and italics. My source for this technique is when Frodo recalls what Gandalf told him about Gollum and pity in The Two Towers. When I was starting to write, I came across it and it stuck with me.

Oops, I came to this bit in the book last night and Tolkien only uses italics! So I've no idea where I picked up the "italics plus quotes" from. However, I do think it works, because if you're consistently using just quotes for remembered dialogue, there will come times when it could be confused for the character's own thoughts (even though it would be clearer in the OP's example).

 

[paranoid marvin]

I have a fourth option, which is what I use: quotes and italics. My source for this technique is when Frodo recalls what Gandalf told him about Gollum and pity in The Two Towers. When I was starting to write, I came across it and it stuck with me.

But of your three, I'd probably go with the last. Italics usually indicate mental speech.

100% this.

She remembered what the dormouse had said, "Feed your head."

 

[tinkerdan]

Since it is not real dialogue and not speech--in the way it is portrayed--I would stay clear of quotes.

There are a number of ways you could try to do this depending on how you wanted to emphasize it.

She remembered what the dormouse said, Feed your head.

She remembered what the dormouse said,
Feed your head.

She remembered what the dormouse said--Feed your head.

She remembered what the dormouse said; Feed your head.

However; using quotes can work.
What I'd suggest in that case is that you use quotes that are the opposite of those used for dialogue.

She remembered what the dormouse said, 'Feed your head.' (Single when using double for dialogue.)

She remembered what the dormouse said, "Feed your head." (Double when using single for dialogue)

I'd keep the italics in all instances.

The biggest problem with quotes though is that it could easily be seen as the character's dialogue.
She remembers and then says it aloud.

This could have a confusing impact if there are other characters close by who should have heard this.

On the other hand, here is an interesting article that shows how to format the narrative to make it clearer when using quotes.

How to Format Remembered Dialogue

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[Ursa major]

How should I handle a line of dialog that a PoV character remembers?

I'm not sure why dialogue should be any different to anything else**, so punctuate it as one would normally punctuate it, but use, say, a colon*** to introduce it), which would lead me to suggest:

She remembered what the dormouse said: "Feed your head."​

** - Such as:

She remembered what she had to do: keep her head.​

​

*** - Note that the colon is my personal preference for introducing something, but the principle is the same for what is being introduced (i.e. do what you would if it wasn't dialogue).

 

[Astro Pen]

Remembering is thinking. so I would use italic and quotes.
Also:

The biggest problem with quotes though is that it could easily be seen as the character's dialogue.

Maybe also use 'that' instead of 'what'.
She remembered that the dormouse had said, "Feed your head."

 

[Phyrebrat]

Anything said or thought mentally is best done in italics imo. Not only is it clear, but it can also save your word count by not having to use “he/she/they thought”

 

[KiraAnn]

I would start by asking if the exact quote is important to the story line, and whether you already had the quote in the writing.

If the exact quote is not important and you already had that conversation, I would suggest paraphrasing. That would avoid any confusion on the part of the reader.

However, if the exact quote is important, or if it is from an external source, I would be in favor of using unquoted italics, or perhaps using center justified quoted lines. I seem to recall that Doyle used that technique in the Musgrave Ritual when the exact wording was important.

 

[Ursa major]

A question:

Might this sort of thing be within the scope of a publisher's/imprint's style guide?​

 

[msstice]

This particular phrasing makes it sound awkward to me regardless of what punctuation I can come up with. Some alternatives that flowed better for my taste, in order of preference:

1. "Feed your head." That was what the dormouse had said.
2. "Feed your head," the dormouse had said.
3. She remembered that the dormouse had said, "Feed your head."

 

[SurrealSisyphus]

I have a fourth option, which is what I use: quotes and italics. My source for this technique is when Frodo recalls what Gandalf told him about Gollum and pity in The Two Towers. When I was starting to write, I came across it and it stuck with me.

But of your three, I'd probably go with the last. Italics usually indicate mental speech.

This is typically how I have seen it done, but paraphrasing also works just fine if it's stated somehow that the character is recollecting and this can even bring a humanizing element to the character. We tend to remember the last time we remembered something rather than the actual event itself. Depending on how often this happens it might even lend more impact when something is perfectly remembered.