November / December 100 Word Anonymous Challenge 2022

[elvet]

This is the thread for the stories. You may enter as many stories as you like.
I (elvet) will be accepting entries until 11:59 GMT on Wednesday December 7. I will post a poll, and voting will will continue for at least 5 days. Please give your entry a title, otherwise it's quite complicated distinguishing between them when it comes to voting.
DO NOT POST YOUR OWN STORIES IN THIS THREAD.
DO NOT COMMENT WITH 'LIKE' ON THE INDIVIDUAL STORIES.
Private message (also known as conversation) your entries to @elvet.

GENRE: SCIENCE FICTION / FANTASY
TOPIC: INJURY​

The Discussion Thread is here

 

[elvet]

Tit for Tat

Malcom’s arms and legs were reduced to shards of shiny pink bone and ragged bloody meat, the result of coming too close to a roadside bomb. These damn alien bugs were getting smart. Why the hell were they fighting over this godforsaken floating rock anyhow?

The message he’d gotten that morning about his wife and best friend distracted his attention enough to get blown up — how could they do such a thing? Planetside, when the medical bots got him sewed back together, he was sleeping with that local girl who made eyes at him. That would show her.

 

[elvet]

Zumpleflong’s Anatomy Lesson​

After the first tete-a-tete with the Klongins went so miserably, Human ambassador Coldoon Zumpleflong was determined to make a great impression this time round. He laid out:

• Fresh Mugs of Armpit Sweat
• A Ripe Septic Tank
• Limburger Cheese
• A Signed Daniel O’Donnell CD

The Klongin ambassador nodded.

-‘I’m impressed.’

Zumpleflong respectfully raised his middle finger in accordance with tradition, then hoofed the ambassador in the soft fleshy area below his abdomen.

The crowd gasped as the Klongin collapsed in pain.

-‘Have I done something wrong?’ said Zumpleflong.

The Klongpin whimpered.

-‘That’s my gnabwarbler, not my thurible!’

 

[elvet]

PSA​

Megamike was the kinda guy you’d see hovering over a mountain top. Hands on hips, the setting sun shining through the fabric of his anti-gravity cape as it flapped majestically in the wind.

Anything for the perfect profile pic.

Sadly, he was also the kinda guy who had little time for details – like charging the batteries of said cape or wearing a protective crash bubble.

“Crash bubbles spoil the lines of my supersuit,” he’d say.

You know what else spoils the lines of a supersuit, Megamike?

Rocks.

Big. Jagged. Pointy. Rocks.

Don’t be like Megamike. Stay safe. Wear a bubble.

 

[elvet]

Cold of Heart

"What happened?" I asked the coroner.

"Briggs was given a mechanical heart, right?"

"Yeah."

"At age forty?"

"Correct, but are you gonna--"

"Well, the way I figure it, his wife visited the other night. They may have gotten into a fight, or she may have said things that had a negative effect on him. I also think he may have gone awhile without charging it. Whatever the case is--"

"Are you saying--"

"--he died of a broken heart."

I walked away in shock. What a way to go!

She's available, now. She'd likely made sure of it.

 

[elvet]

Survivor​

Over a third of me is now metal and plastic, crystal and silicon.
And no dipping into the transplant reserves, or lounging about in a regeneration tank; always the first into the fray.

And the replacements are better than the originals, mostly. Eyes, low light and fifty zoom. Muscles a bit noisy, but never tire. Ears - well I recognise a female voice I once knew behind the tents.

"Actually, I don't think he ever felt anything much. I know I didn't."

 

[elvet]

Jedi Mind Trip

“Please explain again?”

“Well, my master was riding his light saber like a speeder bike.”

“With saber on?”

“Yes! It was so cool. But he came in too fast, and his legs spread out on landing.”

The droid looked into the med bay then back to the padawan, “With saber on?”

“Yes!”

“He neutered himself.”

The padawan shrugged.

“It’s safer to sword swallow.”

“That’s a funny thing! He thought that while using the Force he could!”

“With saber on?”

“How do you think he got that voice synthesizer? Can you help him?”

“I’m lost for words; I can’t heal stupid.”

 

[elvet]

Final Valore

I was as damaged and cripped as my fighter, but without the shattered canopy. The MEDVAC crew homed into my S.O.S and was in view, when alarms sounded.

“MEDVAC, two bogies closing in on you!” Instinct took over as I transferred power to the retros and weapons systems. With excruciating effort, I maneuvered the fighter like a gun turret; two missiles at the first, a barrage of blasters at the second raider. “MEDVAC, bogies cleared.”

My power and O2 were now at zero. The MEDVAC bays opened, and mechanical arms grabbed my ship.

“MEDVAC, I’m blacking out. Take me home.”

 

[elvet]

A Drink To Our Legs

“A toast? To your lost leg?”

The Earthtrooper approached the table, one hand holding aloft a glass of Gchelly ‘Heart-punch,’ the other grasping a crutch.

Gchelly veteran Ichak-Ichak paused for the translation, then looked up, bemused.
“Drink? You mean, eat, yes? But there is none of your cooked bread here.”

“Wow, your English is spectacular.” Earthtrooper Sansom - the name on his ceremonial uniform – slipped smoothly into the seat opposite, but the soldiers legs clashed, so the Human slid his across into the space their phantom limbs had been occupying.

After a beat, Sansom shrugged, puffing his cheeks. “War, eh?”

 

[elvet]

Prosthetics

Scared? I didn't have time to be scared! The cave-in happened so quickly that I was knocked unconscious and buried under a ton of rock before I knew what was happening. The next thing I knew, I was lying in a hospital bed with a new arm and a new leg.

The rescue station didn't have much in the way of spare parts, so they did the best they could with what was available. I don't mind. I'm kind of a celebrity now. I'm the only robot on Mars with a pair of flesh-and-blood limbs.

 

[elvet]

A Friend in Need…

‘Blood sick?’

‘Always.’

‘Never meet a healer that got nauseous over blood. What’ll help?’

‘I prefer burns.’

‘Right! Dagger into the flames! Thing about Elvin blades, they’re nonstick.’ With reddened blade, the warrior cauterized his wounds, twice over.

‘Don’t! You did that for me?’

‘That hurt! With some ale, we’ll have a meal now!’ He adjusted himself, ‘Anything for a friend. Tell me about the blood issue?’

‘It’s from the first Orc Wars…Sorry, I can’t.’

‘You’re doing great! Continue.’

The healer paused. ‘I can’t. It hurts too much.’

‘You just healed my arm. Now it’s your turn. Tell me?’

 

[elvet]

The Second Hand Shop


"I'd like to buy a new hand please."

"I sold you one last week!"

"Err... another accident at work."

"Don't tell me you had it bitten off by an Ewok again!?"

"If you must know, Tarkin unscrewed it whilst I was asleep and blew it out of an airlock."

"Heheh, always good for a joke is the Grand Moff."

"Quite."

"What's with you Skywalkers and new hands anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your kid Luke was in yesterday buying a new one; 'work-related accident' apparently. Know anything about it?"

"Is that the time? I really must be going."

 

[elvet]

HR Issues


My wife and I employed a refugee from Earth as a gardener. Well, we wanted to do our bit.

“I can’t get used to his pink skin,” I said, as we watched him from the window.

“It grows on you,” she said.

A slimeron emerged from nearby rocks and the man clubbed it with his shovel.

“Ewww!” I said, in disgust.

“Primal!” she gasped, unable to look away.

Later, in bed, I gently ran a tentacle over her spinal appendages.

“Not tonight darling,” she said.

Turning away, frustrated, I spied something on the sheets. Could it be….a human hair?

 

[elvet]

Injury Time

After colonisation, soccer became popular in the Centaurus constellation, although a lack of regular contact with Earth caused rules to diverge somewhat. Nevertheless, in 2422 it was decided, via the usual bribes, that Centaurus would host the Worlds Cup.

In the first group match, Holland mastered the low gravity and unusual local offside rule to lead five nil as the ninety minutes approached. However, the final score was 6-5 to the Centaurans after “injury time”. The Dutch team is recovering in hospital. Considering Centauran penalty “shoot out” rules, England will hope to avoid the hosts in the knockout stages.

 

[elvet]

Personal Injury

John stared in amazement as a silver capsule materialised on the sidewalk in front of him. A hatch opened, allowing a man in a sharp suit to climb out and hand John a card. He smiled briefly before jumping back in and dematerialising as quickly as he had arrived. John looked at the card.

Vance D Starbright
Time Travelling Personal Injury Lawyer
If I don’t win you don’t pay a thing!

Behind him an out-of-control truck mounted the sidewalk.

 

[elvet]

The problem with Intergalactic taxi driving

• The thing about astronautic taxi driving is that there’s plenty of time for conversation.
• It’s generally not a problem.
• Unless you pick up a fare in Arrakas.

‘I normally walk to planet Caladan, but I’ve hurt my back.’

Jemima Boilerplate bit her lip, ignoring the obvious exaggeration.

‘How’d ya hurt it?’, she asked, hoping to change the subject from boasting. Which is never an easy task while talking to a Dunonian.

‘Felling trees. Now. You won’t know this, because you’re stupid, but I’m the greatest lumberjack on Dune.’

‘But there are no trees on Dune.’

‘Not anymore there’s not.’

 

[elvet]

The unfaithful mirror

It is a little known fact that the most important job in the Universe is the mirror of Chunticle:

Overlord Bongleron turned and twisted until he had tried every possible angle.

• There was nothing for it.
• His hedular plumage was broken.
• And in an ugly way.

‘How could this have happened’, he demanded.

‘I can only reflect what is in front of me, your majesty.’

‘But I can’t step outside with broken plumage, much less destroy Earth.’

‘This is true, especially now that your exterior vestibule has withered.’

‘Holy wizards of Gealsearca, so it has. I will cancel the invasion.’

 

[elvet]

Trudgealong Rankle and the vacant Emperor

• Trudgealong Rankle was initially thrilled to become deputy to the emperor.
• And ride the hurdy gurdy to the tabernacle.
• From where Waldemar Hollonoggin, ruler of the Zardonian federation, dispensed wisdom.

‘Is the Emperor unwell? I’ve been trying to speak to him all morning and he just blanks me,’ Trudgealong explained to his predecessor.

‘That’s because he can’t hear. Unfortunately he broke his mind. So I removed it and gave it to the dog.’

‘What? How?’

‘His brain must’ve broken after months battling reality. I used a can opener and spoon.’

‘What now?’

‘That’s not for me to suggest, I’m retired.’

 

[elvet]

See To It!

“They’re refusing to fight, Sir.”

“Again? What’s it this time?”

“Loss of life and limb on the increase.”

“They’re the Dark Lord’s assault troops! What do they expect?”

“They say we promised them invisibility cloaks when they signed up and that they’ve never had them.”

“But they were ordered. Months ago. Haven’t they arrived? Why haven’t you chased this up? I want answers, man!”

“Oh, they’ve arrived alright. I even signed for them. They’re in the stores.”

“Well?”

“We just can’t find them.”

“Why not?”

“Well, you see the thing about invisibility cloaks is that they’re invisible.”

 

[elvet]

Warrior Princess

Liisa’s boot hit square in Jaynee’s chest. The kick sent her sprawling and choking for breath. Sharp steel stopped short of Jaynee’s throat.

“Better, let’s try again.”

“What’s the point?” Jaynee tilted her head aside, inviting her sister to slice her neck and end it all.

“To avenge our mother and regain the throne.”

“With this?” Jaynee held up the stump of her coup severed right hand.

“And to avenge that as well.” Liisa’s eyes were filled with a fire that easily spread to Jaynee.

She grabbed her sword with her left hand, still awkward and uncertain. “Again, then.”