Mixing dialogue and prose, a thought on presentation.

[DAgent]

So a couple of books I've read recently has had me wondering about presentation, mixing a characters dialogue with the prose to show what they or other people are doing while they are talking. I'll give a couple of examples, but what I'm wondering is how people react when they see these examples and if they like them or not or think they are distracting or a bad use of presentation.

The wizard walked towards the protagonist. "I'm going to talk to you now, after the prose has stated what I am doing," he told the protagonist.
"What on earth do you mean?" the protagonist asked. "Surely the prose tell the reader what you are doing should come after you've first spoken?"

So bit of a two for one there, the first line and the second line just showing different ways of mixing up, lets say stage directions in the prose while a character is talking. Both are fine with me, but I tend to notice more examples of mixing prose and dialogue using the method from the second line.

"I really do like looking at things like this," the antagonist said, stroking his hands through his hair as he gazed lovingly in the mirror.
"And then I love to continue talking by having my next line of dialogue start on a crisp, fresh, new line."

This one tends to annoy me, as I don't see any need for it to be broken up like this, and just seems to be used to pad out the page count. But it does sometimes make me think another character is talking.

Anyone got any other examples of presentation that they either love or hate or find unusual?

 

[Wayne Mack]

Here is an excerpt from one of Brandon Sanderson's lectures on dialog.

 

[tinkerdan]

"I really do like looking at things like this," the antagonist said, stroking his hands through his hair as he gazed lovingly in the mirror.
"And then I love to continue talking by having my next line of dialogue start on a crisp, fresh, new line."

This one would likely be done like this:

"I really do like looking at things like this," the antagonist said, stroking his hands through his hair as he gazed lovingly in the mirror. "And then I love to continue talking by having my next line of dialogue start on a crisp, fresh, new line."

: all together so you know it's the same person talking. Excepting those who often munge two character's dialogue in the same paragraph.

"But there are times..." he says, lifting a finger ".... when it might work to separate the dialogue, for effect.

 

[sknox]

I agree with tinkerdan, but there is a way to move the second dialog to a new line. Just change the wording a bit.

"I really do like looking at things like this," the antagonist said.
He stroked his hands through his hair and gazed lovingly in the mirror.
"And then I love to continue talking by having my next line of dialogue start on a crisp, fresh, new line."

This would work best if the second dialogue (monologue, really) were a fresh thought rather than a continuation. If it were a continuation, I'd keep all in the same paragraph.

 

[tinkerdan]

"I really do like looking at things like this," the antagonist said.
He stroked his hands through his hair and gazed lovingly in the mirror.
"And then I love to continue talking by having my next line of dialogue start on a crisp, fresh, new line."

This also works well if he is alone in the scene.

"I really do like looking at things like this," the antagonist said.
He stroked his hands through his hair and gazed lovingly in the mirror.
"And then I love to continue talking by having my next line of dialogue start on a crisp, fresh, new line."
"And why am I talking to myself."