Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult (51yrs)

[Phyrebrat]

Bit of an intro (for context, not sympathy )

I’ve been struggling my entire life until 18 months ago I had a breakthrough with my therapist when I said the trauma and PTSD stuff had been ‘worked out’ but I still felt ‘wrong’.

Over the weeks she came to the conclusion I may be affected by ADHD and dyspraxia (haha, no wonder I struggle with choreography!). I was referred to a specialist 18 months ago and told the wait for my diagnosis would be 2-3 years. Obviously I’m still waiting but being proactive about mental health meant I went into a deep research period. Very early on I realised this was exactly like my behaviour.

As a teacher specialising in challenging behaviour I’ve taught so many ADHD and neurodivergent learners. But I never thought or made the connection that I might be affected too.

It has given clarity and perspective to my life. The struggles at schools, the masking, the stimming.

Whilst I’ve been putting my own time into changing my way of getting through the day, it’s been dreadful to experience the gaslighting from friends and family; the common phrase ‘oh yeah that happens to me, too!’

But I saw this article on the Guardian which actually — apart from the odd feely-touchy turn of phrase — made me tear up.

Medical science (and perhaps society) seems to finally be getting to grips with this condition (my personal belief is adhd and other neurodivergent conditions are probably as common as ‘being’ neurotypical.

Anyway here’s the article if you’re interested.

ADHD has become an identity, not just a disorder. We need a new way to talk about it

For many, an attention deficit hyperactivity disorder diagnosis is the thing it took to forgive ourselves and finally start healing

www.theguardian.com

 

[JimC]

Paul MacCready told me that he had ADHD and made it work to his advantage.
I'd bet that you can too.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Paul MacCready told me that he had ADHD and made it work to his advantage.
I'd bet that you can too.

I’m sure when I get the treatment I’m after it will; my point is that with it not being diagnosed until 51, I’ve spent the majority of my life struggling, not knowing why I struggled with education and things that other people did easily.

The last two years have seen me unmasking and it’s caused division in my family. And a lot of soul searching; trying to forgive the trauma; trying to live a neurotypical life.

What works for me is the super focus, creative imperative, and my sense of justice (which explains my job). I can handle angry Inner city teenagers with drug or knife involvement easily, but to wash one cup after I’ve made a tea is like climbing Everest.

 

[JimC]

My grandson has ADHD. He makes straight A's in honors courses in high school, and is learning to focus. We, his family, don't see it as a disability.
Hang in there. You can do it too.
Don't let it get you down.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Again, that’s not the point I’m making and although I know you mean well, you’re minimising my experience. ADHD is expressed differently for many people.

Positive mental attitude is not enough.

 

[JimC]

No, it isn't. It also requires a lot of ongoing, unending work.
But, it is doable.

 

[THX1138]

Hay @Phyrebrat you know about my dyslexia and hearing issues. I was 51 when I got tested for my dyslexia and the results only too 2 weeks. I think that if I was there in the UK, the test would have been different, and the results would have taken longer too. (Dyslexia and ADHD share some common traits that can be confused for the other,) So, why are your results taking 2-3 years? Asking out of curiosity. Is it that they are more thorough there in the UK? One thing here in the states is there is a pill for everything.

There has bene many times they want to prescribe anti-depressants and ADHD medication for me because of my dyslexia, but that will only mask and worsen my dyslexia and bring about depression. I do much better with coping skills and counseling.

Like you say, it's different for everyone.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Yep, I recall your dyslexia, @THX1138

In this country the waiting lists for NHS referrals are horrendous. Also because research and understanding of neurodivergence is so much improved over the last decade or so, there has been a massive influx of adults needing testing. This is why the waiting list is so long.

I've been on anti-depressants (fluoxetine) since 2015 and suspect I no longer need them for depression, but there is a co-morbidity between ADHD and depression which is caused by burnout from masking for fifty years. When I get my diagnosis I'm hoping to swap the depression pills for the ADHD ones and see some real change.

The amount of times as a teacher I have referred students for an EHCP (Education, Health, and Care Plan) which identify 12 health and care needs, and educational provision, makes me marvel at my own blindness to it. I specialise in working with challenging students, and SEND education so it's really my bread and butter. To have gone through life thinking everyone is like me, masking and all the attendant pitfalls is just crazy.

 

[Swank]

If it is any consolation, there is nothing divergent about me, and dealing with people and the world is still sometimes unbearable.

We are each island nations with our own incompatible constitutions.