Chaparral: A 'Convention' tale...

Nik

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Their pioneers called the planet 'Chaparral'. Bit smaller than Earth, slightly bigger than Trilorn, there was even a breathable oxy/nitrogen atmosphere thanks to the abundance of 'green sorta-algae' in the vast low-lands' marshes. Okay, the limestone up-lands' air was a bit thin, 'High Plateau', but it didn't stink of swamp. Though there wasn't much rain, a regular night-fog dewed those towering 'Tepuis', allowed scrubby sorta-shrubs and a sorta-lichen to flourish...

Clear across the Convention from that on-going unpleasantness with the Others, the up-land settlers drilled down to their water-table, cultivated their hydroponic greenhouses, mined the inner, rocky planet and the Outer Giants' icy moons.

Excavations progressively unearthed a curious range of fossils. Though 'primitive', vaguely akin to 'Cambrian', life had once flourished, both at sea and ashore. Seems the many uplands had been 'coral islands' in a shallow world-ocean, think Bermuda and much of Florida.

Um, where did all the water go ?? Evidence suggested that this system's K-type star, also 'Chaparral', had had a series of mega-flares several million years ago, flayed the planet. Well, solar activity was now stable, but, yes, it would be watched...

Because of the Others, all Convention star-ships now did their best to be less predictable. An extra week for zig-zags and significant detours was scant price for avoiding possible Taggli raiders. And, yes, the Convention's under-staffed 'Astrophysical Survey' gleefully embraced any data collected.

So it was that a routine trip by 'City of Tulsa' approached 'Chaparral' some-what widdershins, this time dog-legging around 'Ember', a loose binary just under a light-year 'core-ward'. The 'Red Dwarf + White Dwarf' pairing had 'common motion' with the 'Chaparral' system, perhaps a common origin, but seemed 'un-bound', not a distant 'ternary'.

The star-ship brought grim news of the Others, but worse news of 'Ember': This apparently innocuous neighbour was a 'Recurring Nova'. The Red and White components' long, long elliptical orbits had gradually, inexorably brought them close enough for their magnetic fields and solar winds to interact. The Red's solar activity was growing, each flare transferring matter to the White. When sufficiently fuelled, that would go 'Nova'. Comparing 'Drive' log subtleties from the ship's in/out legs, there were indications of ejected dust-shells at several distances, so of several ages. Ominously, the age of the inner, hence most recent, was a fair match to Chaparral's ocean's demise.

Seems Chaparral's few solar astronomers had neglected to 'watch their six'. Even a few nights studying 'Ember' confirmed much more activity than previously seen, plus a 'Coronal Mass Ejection' that would have strained even a 'City-Class' ship's Fields. And, activity was increasing geometrically. Much sucking of teeth ensued. Arguments were still raging until the night 'Ember' flared white, a naked-eye object from dusk unto dawn. Even bigger flares followed at irregular but progressively shorter intervals.

As 'Ember' was a light-year away, these happened before 'City of Tulsa' made that pass, thankfully during a gap. Adding this 'rear-view' data to Tulsa's gave a spread of models, variously ominous. Worst-case extrapolations suggested a full-on 'Nova' in three to five years, give or take...

But, Ember was almost a light-year away ! Surely that was a safe margin ? What to do ??

Opinions split three ways.

Ignore, but shield settlements to be sure, to be sure.

Dig in, but shield shelters to be sure, to be sure.

Be NOT There.

Most folk on short-ish contracts, such as miners, made it clear they'd either not renew, or invoke their 'Force Majeure' provision. Yes, being nice folk, a lot would happily help excavate, supply and equip shelters, but they'd not stay for the 'Main Event'. Similarly, many recent settlers opted to leave.

Then, hasty research suggested that merely shielding surface settlements might not suffice. If, and it was a nape-prickling 'if', Ember's 'Recurring Nova' was at the high end of such, 'Chaparral' might spike in sympathy. So, strike Option #1.

More recent settlers opted to leave. They'd no inclination to sit out a 'troglodyte' decade or three, emerge to a distressed landscape.

The pioneers and early settlers who'd 'broken ground' on this planet were not to be un-housed by a mere 'Recurring Nova' in a neighbouring system. They'd dig in like Trilorn, wait it out...

So, the miners' rock-tugs ferried their 'Heavy Excavation' equipment to Chaparral's Tepuis and the 'Big Dig' began.

The astronomers estimated a few hundred metres of solid rock would provide sufficient shelter against even worst-case scenarios. Proviso was 'solid'. The upper and outer regions of the Tepuis were 'karst', riddled with caves and tunnels. Shelters had to be further in, both vertically and laterally. Smaller Tepuis did not make the 'cut'. Even some of the larger failed this triage, either due quirks of geology, or because there were only so many 'Tunnel Boring Machines' to deploy...

Upside, these were not the gargantuan 'worms' from the history books. Yes, there were still great nose-wheels with rotating teeth, but they simply freed rubble, which was briskly 'sucked' away using piped 'Drive Fields'. The hard work was done by pulsed lasers and microwaves, sorta 'fire-setting', spalling a myriad flakes. Removed rubble was fed more microwaves, moulded with glass-fibre reinforcement, baked to tunnel lining segments, laser-glazed to seal.

At each site, three five-metre wells were sunk, for ventilation, rubble removal and lift-shafts. Around these spiralled a seven-metre bore, far enough out to give a 1:10 gradient. 'Spoke' tunnels allowed access to the shafts.

Meanwhile, materiel was organised for what might become a generation-long stay in the deep and dark. Stocks of trace elements, essential minerals etc were gathered. Equipment needed to repair equipment needed to repair equipment was carefully documented and shelved. Bio-samples from up-lands, coasts and lowlands were taken and stored against contingency to re-seed. Oh, and to study, of course, to help avert boredom.

The standardised shelter design had a lot in common with space habitats and stations. Recovering, recycling water vapour, CO2, trace Ammonia, sewage and other stuff was almost trivial. The big difference was you'd not have 'hot and cold' sides, hence no easy way to trap 'VOCs'.

The what ? 'Volatile Organic Carbon' compounds: The 'Human Stink' of 'B.O.', burps, farts' methane and such, plus equipment and material out-gassing etc etc. AKA, 'Phoo-yuck'...

Fortunately, star-ships also faced this problem. They delivered advice, designs, parts, spares, free-standing modules etc while collecting evacuees. They also delivered multiple donations of smaller mining equipment, sized for making the actual shelters, and all gratefully received...

Less welcome were Convention astronomers' urgent warnings that the 'Recurring Nova' might come sooner rather than later. There might be scant notice. Three automatic 'stations' were positioned near the edges of Ember's system, with message-torps waiting to carry 'First Alert'. Although these flew FTL, it was only by a factor of 3~~4, reducing the safety margin to but a few frantic months.

Accordingly, visiting star-ships 'City of Tulsa' and 'City of Fresno' delivered a lot of 'Evac Pods'. The same size as a Rock Tug's standard hab, tank or load, at least two hundred people could squeeze aboard each, with up to six hauled at a time. These thousand folk could be urgently ferried to orbit in a fraction of the time needed by shuttles. Further, with crowded pods clamped on, the star-ship could break orbit and run before evacuees 'locked through' to the ship...

When the first torps arrived, squawking alarm, the timing could have been much, much worse. 'Tulsa' had just delivered more equipment, was shuttle-loading scheduled evacuees. Some deep shelters were coming alive, excavations spreading laterally, their 'permanent' workers now resident, dependents moving in. HVAC etc tested, hydroponics and such begun, approaching 'break-even'. 'Field' Poles were in place to shield the well-head portals and further protect the deep shelters' cores. Great plug-doors were almost ready to swing into the various shafts and flank adits.

The torps' report was 'middling bad' rather than 'dire'. There'd be time for one more star-ship, so 'Fresno', with a 'Last Train' call. Bravely, a lot of workers volunteered to wait for that rather than down-tools and board 'Tulsa'...

Ember's sensor stations were positioned at different stand-off distances. Catching a 'Recurring Nova' as a 'local' astrophysical event was so improbable, the hope was they'd provide 'staged' data. And, yes, after the first eruption, which destroyed the inner station, the outer pair bore witness to a bigger second, glimpsed the onset of the paroxysm fronting the 'Main Event'.

These torps' cascade of data showed the schedule had changed unkindly. There would now be scant margin between the arrival of 'Fresno' and the shelters' lock-down. But, the workers did not panic or despair. They just worked longer, harder, faster. Worst case, they'd be joining the residents in the deep shelters, after frantically stripping those evac pods of their modular life-support systems.

It was, as a famous commander ruefully admitted, back in the days of musketry, a close-run thing. Happily, 'Fresno' arrived in-system about a week before the go/no-go deadline. In the few days before that star-ship reached orbit, surplus evac pods were stripped, the equipment donated.

--
Nik-note: "...directly away from Ember." sets up a sequel...
 
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Ok, interesting to be fair. It was all very macro, the large distant picture of events summarized with a good narrators voice showing. I have to admit, there were sections where I didn't fully understand all the details, these were coming thick and fast, but I got the general idea.

Other than the remaining people are in shelters I have no hook to keep me reading on. There is no hint of where the storyline is going, so why read on? It's a lot of detail, but where are we going and I feel you have not given anything to the reader of where you're taking the storyline to. That aside, it was interesting, but you've not hooked me in.
 
I agree with Bowler1 that's it's interesting and showcases lots of ideas, but it reads like a massive info dump of world building and I stopped reading in detail about a third of the way through because a news report delivering a massive info dump with zero "in's" loses my interest.

I'd offer two suggestions:
1) Readers connect with characters and concepts (but mainly, with characters). There's intimations of voice in the infodump, but not enough that the reader knows anything about the speaker or to whom they are speaking or writing. Add some characters. Dive into an aspect.

Make the stakes personal--one more ship of miners is leaving and there's only two more ships arriving between now and event day! Okay! Now you've got my attention. Why's everyone leaving? Why is this character staying? How many people are leaving vs staying? What needs to happen between now and when these people leave/stay? Timelines, conflicts and choices build tension.

2) No one enjoys their own worldbuilding more than they do. That history is for you and informs whatever happens to the characters, but even with more voice, even if you reframe it into a news report or a teacher in a class room or a, Well Bob, this reminds me of the time <infodump>, it'll lose readers.

What is critical for the reader to know/what's on the page, is and should be very different than what's in your worldbuilding file and history.
 
Is this a short standalone story? Is this a prologue to the actual story? Is this the first chapter of the story?

The lack of characters reminds me a bit of the prologues and introductions that were common in mid-twentieth century SF. On the plus side there were some interesting ideas. On the minus side, this is a typical scenario (global disaster due to X, people hunkering down by doing Y) and without individual humans to root for, the deluge of information and jargon is ultimately unsatisfying.

All said, it really depends on what you intend this to be. I'm guessing this is "Hard Science Fiction" as the kids call it these days. Cut down a bit, it could be the prologue for the story of the people in the silos who weather the storm, but again, I have found that stories that reveal the backdrop more naturally, via conversation and action are a lot more interesting to read.

Their pioneers called the planet 'Chaparral'. Bit smaller than Earth, slightly bigger than Trilorn, there was even a breathable oxy/nitrogen atmosphere thanks to the abundance of 'green sorta-algae' in the vast low-lands' marshes. Okay, the limestone up-lands' air was a bit thin, 'High Plateau', but it didn't stink of swamp. Though there wasn't much rain, a regular night-fog dewed those towering 'Tepuis', allowed scrubby sorta-shrubs and a sorta-lichen to flourish...
It starts off nicely because it is a bit voicey. I expected that this was a tiny infodump being given by our narrator who might turn out to be one of the characters, or be telling us one of the character's stories.

Clear across the Convention from that on-going unpleasantness with the Others, the up-land settlers drilled down to their water-table, cultivated their hydroponic greenhouses, mined the inner, rocky planet and the Outer Giants' icy moons.
This confused me because I thought we were talking about one planet, but now it seems we are talking about several planets and moons

Um, where did all the water go ??
The tone is a bit familiar, but I'll allow it for now.

Because of the Others, all Convention star-ships now did their best to be less predictable. An extra week for zig-zags and significant detours was scant price for avoiding possible Taggli raiders. And, yes, the Convention's under-staffed 'Astrophysical Survey' gleefully embraced any data collected.
Now I'm getting too much jargon thrown at me. ("Taggli raiders" did it for me, I think)

So it was that a routine trip by 'City of Tulsa' approached 'Chaparral' some-what widdershins, this time dog-legging around 'Ember', a loose binary just under a light-year 'core-ward'.
What is core-ward? Towards the galactic core? Why are some of these words single quoted?

As 'Ember' was a light-year away, these happened before 'City of Tulsa' made that pass, thankfully during a gap.
Our ships go faster than light?

They'd dig in like Trilorn, wait it out...
Is Trilorn a characters. I'm getting lost here, but sadly I need more reason to care.

and the 'Big Dig' began
Trigger warning for your Bostonian readers.

burps, farts' methane and such
VOCs are Volatile Organic Compounds, and I don't know that methane is one of them. They are classically liquids at room temperature but with very low boiling points, so that they evaporate easily. Paint thinner is the classic one. https://www.epa.gov/indoor-air-quality-iaq/what-are-volatile-organic-compounds-vocs
 
Hi! I love the world-building you've done here, and I think you have the background for an interesting story. I do agree with the other critiques as far as character and plot. Those are vital to drawing in a reader. For a writer, it's essential to know the breadth of the world you're creating, and I think that's what you've started here. Drawing characters and dropping them into this world with something interesting to do will help you realize where you want to take this. When it comes to plot, I like to think of Raymond Feist's notion that 'life is problems, living is solving problems."
When you create a specific problem for your specific characters, then you'll have something compelling.
You're at a great start!
 
You've done a good job of world-building and incorporating some recent astrophysics. However there's more to writing a story than that. Readers expect characters and a plot. It's not clear whether this piece is a stand-alone story, a prologue, or a sketch for a novel outline.
So it was that a routine trip by 'City of Tulsa' approached 'Chaparral' some-what widdershins, this time dog-legging around 'Ember', a loose binary just under a light-year 'core-ward'. The 'Red Dwarf + White Dwarf' pairing had 'common motion' with the 'Chaparral' system, perhaps a common origin, but seemed 'un-bound', not a distant 'ternary'.
There are too many 'quotes' here, that could all be removed.
Upside, these were not the gargantuan 'worms' from the history books. Yes, there were still great nose-wheels with rotating teeth, but they simply freed rubble, which was briskly 'sucked' away using piped 'Drive Fields'. The hard work was done by pulsed lasers and microwaves, sorta 'fire-setting', spalling a myriad flakes. Removed rubble was fed more microwaves, moulded with glass-fibre reinforcement, baked to tunnel lining segments, laser-glazed to seal.
I'm not sure we want to know all this detail. Anybody who has watched a few TV documentaries will know how tunneling machines work and will be happy to take the details for granted, (same way we are supposed to assume that FTL spaceships work) unless it's relevant to a novel plot about engineers battling to finish the tunnel newwork in time.
I confess that I stopped reading before the end of this piece, as there was not enough to hold my attention.

BTW, tunnels seem to be unusually topical at the moment. :cry:
 
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