Critique my query letter?

[sinister42]

Would you all be willing to critique my query letter?



For your consideration, I present my first novel, a sci-fi fantasy horror comedy titled The Werewolf Astronaut. The novel stands at approximately 81,000 words, and it is inspired by the weird humor of authors like Christopher Moore and Douglas Adams.

After being bitten by a werewolf, our hero, Robert Vincent, aspiring astronaut, meets and falls for a cyborg named Clyve, who introduces Robert to the local werewolf pack before being inconveniently abducted by aliens.

More inconveniently, the aliens live on a planet in a trinary star system with a permanently full moon, which means that to have any chance of mounting a rescue, Robert and the pack must find a legendary medallion that frees them from the moon’s control. The medallion can only be found by werewolves that possess “arcane sight,” which, conveniently, Robert Vincent discovers he has.

Meanwhile, a werewolf hunter named Angela stalks Robert and the pack, assisted by one Steve Helsing, a descendant of the legendary vampire hunter, who agrees to help her if she helps him hunt a vampire. With the assistance of a bookstore owner named Gerald Lovecraft, Angela and Steve determine they need the help of the very werewolves they are hunting to deal with the vampire menace. Angela and Steve hatch a harebrained scheme to kill two monsters with one stone, which goes poorly.

While fending off a second poorly conceived attack by Angela and Steve Helsing, the werewolf pack retrieve the medallion thanks to Robert’s arcane sight, and his newly discovered arcane power, a rare gift granted only to a few werewolves throughout history.

Angela enlists the further help of Gerald Lovecraft, who offers her a more esoteric strategy straight out of the Necronomicon. Lovecraft’s plan includes the summoning of a star vampire to harness its powers of invisibility, and a spell that forces the werewolf pack members to attack each other with deadly intent. It is only thanks to Robert Vincent’s arcane power that Lovecraft’s plan initially fails.

Robert and his packmates rescue Clyve by stealing a spaceship from a kitschy alien museum in Roswell and piloting it to the alien planet. Robert resists the pull of the huge alien moon thanks to the medallion and his arcane power, but the alien moon proves too much for the other pack members even with the medallion’s boon, and Robert must rescue Clyve while wrangling his now-feral pack mates.

A final confrontation with Angela and Lovecraft nearly kills the entire pack, but Robert and Clyve scrape together a bare victory against their foes.

About me: I’m a weird fiction author based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I have a few publications under my belt. Most recently, I had two science fiction stories published in an anthology titled Written With Pride, a collection of queer fiction published by Not a Pipe Publishing.

Thank you for considering my novel.



Sincerely,



E. D. Jones

 

[Swank]

Are query letters supposed to be point by point plot summaries? I would think something shorter with some quotes of what "sci-fi fantasy horror comedy humor" is would be more effective than spelling out a plot that is not, in and of itself, funny or horrifying.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

This seems to be much too long for a query letter. It's more like a synopsis. Some agents/editors want (and ask for) a synopsis. But someone who asks that you query first is not going to have the patience to read through something this long—unless you catch their attention with the query and they end up asking for more (at which time you send more, but not before). A query requires a briefer summary of plot and characters. Boil that down to a couple of paragraphs. The rest of the letter is fine.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

As others have said, this feels like a synopsis rather than a query.
you have one minute to make me want to read your story. Go.

 

[sinister42]

Good info. I'm getting the same feedback from all corners. I'll do some major tweaking. Merci!

 

[Astro Pen]

Don't tweak it, you will need it. A synopsis is part of the package, - it just isn't the query letter.
Most of us find the synopsis the hardest thing to write because you have to go against all your 'avoid spoilers' instincts.
There is plenty of advice on the web about queries, elevator pitches, synopses etc'. Agents will specify their requirements
They may want a number of pages or a few chapters but won't want the full MS to begin with.

some Penguine advice here:

How to pitch your book to an agent

The majority of authors we publish, especially fiction books, will be represented by a literary agent. To get a literary agent to represent you as a new writer, you’ll need to pitch your book to them, usually in the form of a covering letter or email. Cathryn Summerhayes, a literary agent at...

www.penguin.co.uk

ps I went to a talk by Catrin Collier ( a well respected welsh author) and she was saying that she now self publishes on amazon because the industry is degenerating. (She persuaded me to self publish.)
See her post here 24th September about the talk.

Catrin Collier

Catrin Collier. 879 likes. Catrin Collier is a bestselling author of historical fiction, much of which is set in her native country, Wales.

www.facebook.com

 

[KGeo777]

I think a 1-2 sentence summary followed by the longer one is the way to go but that's so interesting about the author saying the industry is degenerating! That should be a topic all its own.

 

[donrmontgomery]

Unless an agent requests a longer one, you'll want to keep query letters to as few sentences as possible - like 6-10. A couple for your intro (what you're submitting and how you heard of the agent/why they're the agent for you), a few more pitching your book and some final ones for your previous publications or relevant experience/why you're the right person to represent your book and the topics you explore in it.

Agents receive hundreds of queries a week, so you want to be brief, exciting and informative. In other words, they want the almost impossible...

You have the right stuff in your letter - it just needs to be compressed a bit. Usually agents will ask for a synopsis if they want one, which will be separate from the letter. Otherwise, try to keep your summary to one paragraph. However, having said that, practice makes perfect, so don't worry too much at the beginning if everything is just right - you'll rewrite it so many times that by the end there won't be any unnecessary words.

Also remember, 1-3 requests out of a 100 is a great average for queries for new authors.

Good luck and stay strong - you got this!

 

[ColGray]

In the midst of query letter working at the moment and I agree with a lot of what @donrmontgomery says.

Query structure is pretty formulaic (for good reason: the agent gets 12939 queries/week) and it's both helpful and hard.

There's basically 5 sections

1. 200 words that makes the author want to read your entire book. Who's the MC, what's the story about (conflict --> stakes raised --> cliffhanger), and what's your voice.
2. Comps -- who would buy this book/what's the market. Comps should be from the last 5 years, in your genre and, ideally, debuts.
   1. These need to be realistic comps. Saying, People that like Douglas Adams will like this, isn't helpful -- not because they wouldn't, but because it's an unfair comparison. If a first time director said, People who like Martin Scorsese films will like my film, you'd roll your eyes.
3. Comp Pt2 -- Why them
   1. I'm querying you because your Manuscript Wishlist profile lists humor and horror, etc
4. Market -- who do you bring to the table?
   1. Example: I've previously published short stories in X and Y, or, I published a Romance novel that sold 10k books, or My book review Youtube channel has 150k subscribers
5. You -- who are you?
   1. Example: I live on the dark side of a full moon amongst a parliament of owls (but, do it for real)

Happy to chat

 

[sinister42]

So here's my problem. And I think I know the solution, but I don't know quite where to start. I haven't read much (if any) "new" fiction released in the last 5 years, other than a lot of short story collections. I actually (you may laugh at this) asked Chat GPT to find me comps for "a book involving werewolves and aliens," and I bought and am reading three of the books it recommended. But none of them were released in the last 5 years (the newest, "The Rook" which I realized after I started reading it that I've watched a lot of that TV show, was released in 2012). I guess I can ask Chat GPT to recommend me comps for "books involving werewolves and aliens released in the last 5 years." Any other ideas on how to dip my face into more recent fiction? I feel sort of at sea about that aspect of all this.

Bah, and yes, I have been using Christopher Moore, Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett as my "comps" thus far. I guess I'll stop doing that.

Edit: Ok, thinking about it, I have read a few more recent books: Adrian Tchaikovsky's Children of Time and T. Kingfisher's The Hollow Places being two examples. But neither of them is a comp for this book.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

I wouldn't trust Chat CPT too much to recommend books, as I've heard that it sometimes makes up information in order to have something to offer when answering a question. I think you'd be better off using Google or searching Amazon with appropriate keywords to see what recent releases might come up.

(T Kingfisher is often humorous and is very current, of course, but no werewolves and aliens that I've come across in her work. But if your style resembles hers, perhaps you might mention that.)

Comparisons can be helpful, but if you absolutely can't come up with any, then concentrate on making your description of the book as lively, intriguing, and humorous an example of your own writing as you can possibly make it in so few words (which is what you should be doing with or without the comps), and leave the agent or editor to make their own comparisons based on that. They know the field, they know what is out there, what has been successful, and if your summary of your book reminds them of anything, then that will be just as convincing as any comparisons you might make. And, in fact, it is no use you making comparisons if the style of your query doesn't back them up. So work on that.

 

[ColGray]

Edit: Ok, thinking about it, I have read a few more recent books: Adrian Tchaikovsky's Children of Time and T. Kingfisher's The Hollow Places being two examples. But neither of them is a comp for this book.

It's a fine line between accurate comparison and stylistic integrity -- if someone said, The book blends Douglas Adams humor with Tchaikovsky's multi-faceted entomological acumen, I could read that and think a) voice, b) okay, i can see that c) that could be a market.

Which is the overriding input from /r pubtips and queryshark and MSWL and Publishing Rodeo -- If you go TradPublishing, understand it is a business. The agent is not "doing you a favor" by reading your query: they are looking for something to sell. The query process is about selling your work. How do you condense the years of writing and editing and love and frustration and work into: This is a great story and people will want to pay to read it.

 

[ColGray]

I wouldn't trust Chat CPT too much to recommend books, as I've heard that it sometimes makes up information in order to have something to offer when answering a question. I think you'd be better off using Google or searching Amazon with appropriate keywords to see what recent releases might come up.

(T Kingfisher is often humorous and is very current, of course, but no werewolves and aliens that I've come across in her work. But if your style resembles hers, perhaps you might mention that.)

Comparisons can be helpful, but if you absolutely can't come up with any, then concentrate on making your description of the book as lively, intriguing, and humorous an example of your own writing as you can possibly make it in so few words (which is what you should be doing with or without the comps), and leave the agent or editor to make their own comparisons based on that. They know the field, they know what is out there, what has been successful, and if your summary of your book reminds them of anything, then that will be just as convincing as any comparisons you might make. And, in fact, it is no use you making comparisons if the style of your query doesn't back them up. So work on that.

Also this: ChatGPT 3.5 ended their inputs at like 2019 and if you ask it for specific references and inputs, you're likely to get made up items or non-existent works.

See: Every attorney currently facing disciplinary issues because they asked ChatGPT for citations. (this is a crazy long list with a few headliners)

 

[Stephen Palmer]

The publishing industry isn't degenerating, it's mutating into a huge monster.

 

[sinister42]

Also this: ChatGPT 3.5 ended their inputs at like 2019 and if you ask it for specific references and inputs, you're likely to get made up items or non-existent works.

See: Every attorney currently facing disciplinary issues because they asked ChatGPT for citations. (this is a crazy long list with a few headliners)

Yeah I asked ChatGPT for recommendations from the last 5 years and it flat told me it didn't have books from the last 5 years lol.

 

[sinister42]

It's a fine line between accurate comparison and stylistic integrity -- if someone said, The book blends Douglas Adams humor with Tchaikovsky's multi-faceted entomological acumen, I could read that and think a) voice, b) okay, i can see that c) that could be a market.

Which is the overriding input from /r pubtips and queryshark and MSWL and Publishing Rodeo -- If you go TradPublishing, understand it is a business. The agent is not "doing you a favor" by reading your query: they are looking for something to sell. The query process is about selling your work. How do you condense the years of writing and editing and love and frustration and work into: This is a great story and people will want to pay to read it.

I get that. I've never been a business-savvy guy (I am a communist after all lol) so the "wake up you need to make money" aspect of all of this is the most challenging thing for me. I get it, I do, it's just something I need to learn more about.

 

[donrmontgomery]

The publishing industry isn't degenerating, it's mutating into a huge monster.

They're just chasing the latest trends, like they always have. Publishing is and always has been about money first and content second.

 

[ColGray]

I get that. I've never been a business-savvy guy (I am a communist after all lol) so the "wake up you need to make money" aspect of all of this is the most challenging thing for me. I get it, I do, it's just something I need to learn more about.

MBA student and i also think it's the most challenging part for every author aside from those writing for the ego-stroke of saying, I wrote a book! There's such a mental disconnect between making and selling art--especially when the first however-many years are defined by thanking people for spending time engaging with what you made!

I'd highly recommend listening to Publishing Rodeo. It is free podcast hosted by two fantasy authors who debuts in 2022, both on Tor, and they're experiences. They've had awesome guests on and they really dig in to Publishing As a Business, with numbers, publisher commitments and trad vs self publishing discussions.

The Kameron Hurley episode is awesome for that particular discussion (TLDR, Patreon is her most consistent income, she doesn't write full time bc financially she can't, she sells her books to publishers based on their marketing and support commitments not the advance, and finally, she explored Selfpub and said I'm not great at marketing and I'd pay far more to hire private marketing than i do giving up % to a publisher.)

 

[sinister42]

Thanks, I'll check that out.

 

[sinister42]

Also, thing I completely forgot about - of course I've read more recent fiction - The Expanse series. How could I have forgotten that lol? Some of the best hard sci fi ever written. I also need to finish reading Gideon the Ninth, because I think that might (kind of, sort of) be a comp for me, if a bit of a stretch.