Mans
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2024
- Messages
- 58
Please note that writing this story was done as an exercise to create characters, develop appropriate dialogues, and depict various states. I welcome any critique to help me identify my mistakes and shortcomings in this piece of writing.
Thank you
The real estate consultant moved further. He opened a lock on the basement door. When he opened the door, it made a noise as it turned on its hinges, and some dust fell on the floor from above. That indicated that the door had been closed for a long time and nobody had opened it.
He went down the narrow wooden stairs covered with a layer of dust. When he was going down, the stairs made a noise like rotten timbers expecting a break at any moment. Herman and his wife, Elena, looked at each other and hesitated to follow the consultant, Carter. When Carter noticed their state, he smiled in the semi-dark environment and said, "Don't worry! Everything is okay. The stairs are strong and steady."
Herman and Elena went down the stairs cautiously. The basement was dark, with only a little light shining through the small window close to the ceiling. The couple heard Carter's sounds as he was advancing in the dark basement, "I know where the light switch is. Just now, I will turn it on."
At that moment, as Carter was invisible in the darkness, they heard a short shout of Carter and saw a blue spark in the dark environment. Herman and Elena were frightened. Herman asked concerning, "Hey, Mr. Carter, are you okay?" A few seconds later, as Carter ignited his lighter, said, "Oh, damn! I got an electric shock. I accidentally touched the wall plug instead of the switch. It didn't have a cap. Please remember to replace it with a new one later."
He eventually found the switch and turned on the only dusty lamp in the ceiling.
When the light turned on, Elena let out a short scream. Herman quickly turned to her and asked, worried, "What happened, my dear? Are you okay?" Elena pointed towards the basement with her mouth hanging open. Herman turned his look in the basement. It resembled a garbage dump. Every old, rusted, and broken item could be found there, from a wheel-less old bicycle to various types of old bags, cases, shelves, blankets, and a mass of torn paintings with deformed and broken frames, all covered in a thick layer of dust.
At that time, Elena screamed once again and hid on the back of Herman while gesturing to a case close to the wall! Herman looked there. He saw a mouse had poked its head out from the case and was gazing at them.
Carter approached them and said to Elena, smiling, "Madam, it is just an inoffensive mouse. After you owned the house, cleaned, renewed every necessary thing, and after painting the house and its basement with some spirit-giving colors, and..."
Herman interrupted him and said, "And after we replaced all the wall plugs..."
Carter smiled and said, "Oh yes, I wanted to mention it too... You must be sure you have a nice house without dust, junk, and mice. All of these will depend on your choices and generosity."
Herman looked at him, blaming him, and said, "Are you sure you have taken us to the right place?"
"Oh yes, sir. You asked me for an inexpensive large house, and I did the same." Replied Carter.
Herman said to Elena with a low voice, "he is right. He took us here because we requested a cheap house to be large. But we did not know the house was so old and messed up."
Elena nodded but gestured to the mouse that was still looking at them, surprised.
Herman did not pay attention to Elena regarding the presence of the mouse and asked Carter, "Isn't there a better house than this?"
"Yes, there is, but it may be smaller and more expensive. I offer you, if you buy this house and renovate it, it will be much better than buying a newer house with less space and a higher cost. I know a building contractor with a skilled team of workers. He can demolish this house in a week and rebuild it a week later," replied Carter.
Herman asked stunning, "Do you mean this house should be destroyed?"
Carter said, "But it is not necessary. Albert does magic. He can turn this house into a palace without ruining it."
"But we do not have enough money for such renovation," Herman said.
Carter smiled and said, "So you can be satisfied with a house with only an ordinary view." Carter looked at Elena and continued, "But before he starts the work, you first need to get rid of the mouse. We have a person here who is called Hunter Jack! He is a skilled hunter of mouse with all types of traps and tools. He is like a wild cat in that no mouse can escape his claws. You can employ him to eradicate the mouse population in this house!"
Elena said with a shaking voice, "In this house?! Are there other places in the house infested with mice, too?!"
Carter replied, "Don't worry, madam! You don't know Jack yet. He can exterminate all the mice throughout the basement, sitting room, bedroom, bathroom, toilet, chests, and kitchen..."
Thank you
The real estate consultant moved further. He opened a lock on the basement door. When he opened the door, it made a noise as it turned on its hinges, and some dust fell on the floor from above. That indicated that the door had been closed for a long time and nobody had opened it.
He went down the narrow wooden stairs covered with a layer of dust. When he was going down, the stairs made a noise like rotten timbers expecting a break at any moment. Herman and his wife, Elena, looked at each other and hesitated to follow the consultant, Carter. When Carter noticed their state, he smiled in the semi-dark environment and said, "Don't worry! Everything is okay. The stairs are strong and steady."
Herman and Elena went down the stairs cautiously. The basement was dark, with only a little light shining through the small window close to the ceiling. The couple heard Carter's sounds as he was advancing in the dark basement, "I know where the light switch is. Just now, I will turn it on."
At that moment, as Carter was invisible in the darkness, they heard a short shout of Carter and saw a blue spark in the dark environment. Herman and Elena were frightened. Herman asked concerning, "Hey, Mr. Carter, are you okay?" A few seconds later, as Carter ignited his lighter, said, "Oh, damn! I got an electric shock. I accidentally touched the wall plug instead of the switch. It didn't have a cap. Please remember to replace it with a new one later."
He eventually found the switch and turned on the only dusty lamp in the ceiling.
When the light turned on, Elena let out a short scream. Herman quickly turned to her and asked, worried, "What happened, my dear? Are you okay?" Elena pointed towards the basement with her mouth hanging open. Herman turned his look in the basement. It resembled a garbage dump. Every old, rusted, and broken item could be found there, from a wheel-less old bicycle to various types of old bags, cases, shelves, blankets, and a mass of torn paintings with deformed and broken frames, all covered in a thick layer of dust.
At that time, Elena screamed once again and hid on the back of Herman while gesturing to a case close to the wall! Herman looked there. He saw a mouse had poked its head out from the case and was gazing at them.
Carter approached them and said to Elena, smiling, "Madam, it is just an inoffensive mouse. After you owned the house, cleaned, renewed every necessary thing, and after painting the house and its basement with some spirit-giving colors, and..."
Herman interrupted him and said, "And after we replaced all the wall plugs..."
Carter smiled and said, "Oh yes, I wanted to mention it too... You must be sure you have a nice house without dust, junk, and mice. All of these will depend on your choices and generosity."
Herman looked at him, blaming him, and said, "Are you sure you have taken us to the right place?"
"Oh yes, sir. You asked me for an inexpensive large house, and I did the same." Replied Carter.
Herman said to Elena with a low voice, "he is right. He took us here because we requested a cheap house to be large. But we did not know the house was so old and messed up."
Elena nodded but gestured to the mouse that was still looking at them, surprised.
Herman did not pay attention to Elena regarding the presence of the mouse and asked Carter, "Isn't there a better house than this?"
"Yes, there is, but it may be smaller and more expensive. I offer you, if you buy this house and renovate it, it will be much better than buying a newer house with less space and a higher cost. I know a building contractor with a skilled team of workers. He can demolish this house in a week and rebuild it a week later," replied Carter.
Herman asked stunning, "Do you mean this house should be destroyed?"
Carter said, "But it is not necessary. Albert does magic. He can turn this house into a palace without ruining it."
"But we do not have enough money for such renovation," Herman said.
Carter smiled and said, "So you can be satisfied with a house with only an ordinary view." Carter looked at Elena and continued, "But before he starts the work, you first need to get rid of the mouse. We have a person here who is called Hunter Jack! He is a skilled hunter of mouse with all types of traps and tools. He is like a wild cat in that no mouse can escape his claws. You can employ him to eradicate the mouse population in this house!"
Elena said with a shaking voice, "In this house?! Are there other places in the house infested with mice, too?!"
Carter replied, "Don't worry, madam! You don't know Jack yet. He can exterminate all the mice throughout the basement, sitting room, bedroom, bathroom, toilet, chests, and kitchen..."
