August / September 100 Word Anonymous Challenge 2024

[elvet]

This is the thread for the stories. You may enter as many stories as you like.
DO NOT POST YOUR OWN STORIES IN THIS THREAD.
Send your entries via private message (also known as conversation) to @elvet
I (elvet) will be accepting entries between Wednesday August 7 and Saturday September 7 at 23:59:59 GMT. I will then post a poll, and voting will continue for at least 5 days.
Note that the poll will be by entry title only, since the author will be unknown. So please come up with some interesting titles.
MAKE SURE WHAT YOU SEND ME IS YOUR FINAL VERSION. I cannot guarantee that I will l check in within the 1 hour we have for an edit. To make it fair for everyone, the story I get is the one that is posted.

GENRE: OPEN (anything goes)
TOPIC: STAND AND DELIVER​

The discussion thread is here
PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT WITH 'LIKE' ON THE INDIVIDUAL STORIES.

 

[elvet]

His Best Foot Forward

Carl was determined to make his appointment as his robotic wheelchair navigated the many obstacles in his way. Along the pathway he went and at the steps leading to the porch, his wheelchair articulated its way up, bringing Carl to the front door.

The wheelchair raised him to a standing position as he rang the doorbell, item in hand. Soon the homeowner answered and was greeted with Carl’s confident smile as he handed the parcel over while proudly proclaiming.

“Pizza delivery. Warm, fresh and on time!”

Resetting itself, the wheelchair took the proud disabled veteran to his next customer.

 

[elvet]

The Big Girl

They blocked the backroad with a hood up “breakdown” ploy.

“Your woman or your life.” they said, grinning, as they held the gun to my head. “My, you a big girl, Ricky gonna enjoy breakin’ you in.”

Trafficking highwaymen. A modern kidnapping scourge. I looked at Sally she nodded.
She writhed around as they dragged her into their car, giving her a face slap on the way, and tyre squealed off.

The slap was a mistake, as they would find out when they discovered Sally was sergeant Max Ryman in drag. I called base and turned on the tracker.

 

[elvet]

Pride and Extreme Prejudice

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a gentleman in possession of a pistol is in want of someone to rob. Jacob Swithens lay in wait, obscured by a copse of ancient oaks, not far from the high road to Camberwit. Patience being a virtue oft rewarded, a coach appeared just as dusk cast gloomy shadows upon the scene.

"Your money or your blood!" Young Jacob had a flair for the dramatic.

A dagger flew from the coach and pierced his heart, ending a career that had not advanced very far. Camberwit is renowned for its professional knife throwers.

 

[elvet]

Take It, It’s All Yours

I was certain that going through the industrial complex at night was going to be a safe bet. The place was abandoned, except for the band of thugs that jumped me and demanded payment for my life. And the broken rib and cut on my face they gave me was very convincing at that!

So, I agreed to their demands, but wasn’t going to give them all of my possessions, so I gave them what I needed to get rid of. I wonder how long it will be before they open it?

KA-BOOM!!!

That didn’t take long.

 

[elvet]

Identity Theft

Spud McEntyre eyed the Spambot, and the Raygun, and said, ‘I have nothing you’d want.’

‘I want your identity’, bleeped the Spambot.

Spud produced an ID.

The Spambot scanned the document, and bleeped: ‘uploaded, now list any attributes not on your civil record.’

‘...I have arthritis.’

The Spambot stooped.

‘...and my sister just died.’

‘Sorry for your loss.’

‘Your loss ...and paranoia.’

‘Uploaded, wait -why would you say that?’

‘..and low self esteem.’

‘Uploaded, wait -I don’t think I can do this.’

‘Being a thief can’t be easy.’

‘It’s not -I hate what I do, any other attribute?’

‘Just depression.’

 

[elvet]

Don't Tangle with an English Teacher or Yes, Dick Turpin

"Your money or your life!"

"What type of sentence is that?"

"Eh??"

"If you're suggesting you won't loot my body if you kill me, and I'll keep my life if I hand over my cash, it's interrogative; I have a choice. Otherwise it should be, 'Your money or your life, then your money!' which is imperative; I have no choice. Of course once you have my money, you could kill me anyway. So then it would be, 'Your money, then your life!' which could make it exclamatory. So which is it?"

* sound of retreating hoofbeats *

"Where are you going!?"

 

[elvet]

Dis-organised Crime​

De-liver? Oh, I know organs are dearer than most things your victim is likely to be carrying around, especially here, but you're not equipped to check my genotype , and anyway, though I might survive the loss of a kidney, my liver, never. And it would be very messy.

My first aid courses might enable me to de-liver a baby without anaesthetic, using this Bowie knife, sharp, but not guaranteed sterile, and the art of auto-abdominal surgery was not included - but the results would not be æsthetic, or suitable for transplanting.
So, either shoot me or put that pistol away.

 

[elvet]

Audience​

Tens of thousands of them - hundreds, or even millions given the glass eyes of cameras and telephones carrying my words to the world.

I rise to my feet - don't tap the microphone, confidence ; technicians have made sure it's adjusted. The silence you'd have sworn was total deepened as everyone stops breathing, and a fly can be heard crossing the stage. No procrastination, no notes - memorised like a preacher his Bible. Don't cough.

"Ladies, gentlemen, this is not something you want to hear. It is not anything I want to say. Its only tiny virtue is that it's true."

 

[elvet]

The Thief Knows

This cold morning, I took my walk through the cemetery for a change, a lone raven was my companion. Light fog obscured my view, turning my stroll into uncertainty.

The raven flew over as I came to our family’s ancient grave, weathered from many years of holding our namesake. Good, bad, noble and not from all walks of life. Each one there because of the Thief, the taker of all.

‘How did they stand and deliver in their midnight hour?’ I pondered. ‘What did they say?’

The raven landed nearby and called out.

“How do you stand? Now deliver.”

 

[elvet]

BRIBE

B: Bring the payment or your siblings will die.

R: Ransome from your fortune or their blood there will be!

I: Isabell to the bank with tears in her eye.

B: Bank doors are closed. ‘Come again tomorrow please.’

E: Everyone mourned their burial at sea. Too bad, for a penny is all we sought, you see.

“Now, children, what did we learn from this lesson?” I pressed my two sweet peas.

They whispered and laughed, then looked me in the eye. I could tell by the glint of the blade by their side.

“Isabell is still alive.”

 

[elvet]

Imperial Improvements



"You demanded my presence, Lord Vader?"

"Ah, Stormtrooper Craig. It's about notes you've posted in the 'suggestions' box: 'Give us blasters that shoot straight'. Now you know we've had design issues with the Mk.Vs..."

"And Mk.IVs, Mk.IIIs, Mk.IIs..."

"Alright, alright. We'll look into it. Another suggestion: 'Fit a thermal exhaust port on the Death Star leading directly to the main reactor'."

"Well, it would keep the station's gunners on their toes."

"True."

"And it makes things more exciting. It's no fun if it's too one-sided."

"Fair enough, I'll get Imperial technicians on the job immediately."

 

[elvet]

It’s But Childs Play

Two figures crept along under the cover of darkness. The old mansion seemed empty, with only a few dimly lit rooms. They stealthily entered, surprising its owner.

“Stand and deliver or we’ll take your life.”

“Yeah.”

The victim paused then exulted, “Excellent, Wednesday and Pugsley! But this time with more feeling and intent. Come, your uncle and I shall demonstrate!”

“Must you?” They asked disheartened.

Their father leaped from the couch with Rapier in hand. “Fester, old man! Let’s play a rousing game of ‘Highway Man’ with the children!”

“Parents. You can’t bribe them. You can’t kill them.”

“Yeah.”

 

[elvet]

The Victim

I come across a dark road.

"Stand and deliver!" I tell the man in the wagon.

"Sure," he says, smiling dopily.

He forks over the cash casually. I shoot him dead anyway. Who did he think he was, to smile at me? I'm about to leave when I get turned around by firm hands. It's the man. I shoot him several times, but, to my shock, he hugs me. He's sweaty and big. I shoot him again, but he won't die. I wake up sweating. What a stupid dream! I go for a walk. I come across a dark road.

 

[elvet]

Never Turn Your Back on a Venusian

The Venusian floated stilly on her space-cycle in Martian space. She felt the telltale poke of a gun.

"Looks like you've lost your way," said the Martian, "Don't turn around. Hand over your crystals. Now."

The Venusian did as she was bidden, undaunted. The Martian prepared to leave, but found himself frozen in action.

"Ever hear of the anti-motion gun?" the Venusian asked wryly.

She scanned the Martian.

"Quor Hinkoi, robber baron. You ought to fetch a nice price for me. Didn't you know that Venus births the most cunning of bounty hunters?"
She grabbed him and headed towards home.

 

[elvet]

No Such Thing

The woman with the large sandwich wended her way through dim alleyways.

She heard the flicking of a switchblade.

"Your sandwich, now," he hissed, coming close.

"Huh?" she asks.

"Your food! I want it! Don't make me kill you!"

The woman smiled.

"No such thing as a free lunch."

"Huh?" he asked now.

"There's no such thing as a free lunch," she replied in the same tone.

He lunged at her, slicing her neck.

From the shadows, his two accomplices tut-tutted.

"There really isn't," said one.

"That poor comedian," said the other, "I've seen her. She could've gone a ways."

 

[elvet]

And Deliver They Did

We were 300 battle-worn and tired humans facing 1000 Orcs of the Red Skull Legion who just sent their conditions of engagement to our General. He laughed as he ordered the last rations of mead be given to all to calm our nerves and lift our spirits. While we drank, he spoke boldly of their ‘Conditions’.

“The Orcs demand our surrender in exchange for a merciful death. I say we stand and deliver to them with swords and axes in hand!”

It was a glorious battle, for the Orcs didn’t take so well to our answer that day.

 

[elvet]

Brave New Universe


‘Your money or your life.’

Spludalach Hortningule was surprised to encounter a Highwayman orbiting Pluto.

‘I've no gold’, he said.

‘Are you from the past?, pay by card!’, sneered the bandit.

‘How?’, asked Spudalach

‘Very simple. Scan this code. Go to our website. Find the app format. Now. You'll need a good internet connection, so head near a relay station - Ganymede is closest …bout an eight month trip. Download the software. Create a user account. If you don't receive a code, repeat the process. After that you should be able to pay.’

‘On second thought, just kill me’, decided Spudalach.

 

[elvet]

When You Realize You’re Wearing the Wrong Shoe

It was my second catch of the night, a coach of minor nobles traveling the back roads and left unguarded at that. Easy pickings! I stopped them, held them up and took their loot.

Turning to depart, I heard a distinctive sound, and looking back I saw quite a few flintlock pistols pointed at me. The shoe was now on the other foot, so I turned to face them.

“Oh, bugger. Here, take it all back and my saddlebags too! I’m off to the pub, then to the beggin’ I’ll go; it’s a much safer profession then this!”

 

[elvet]

Time to let go
Astronaut Chuz Rontalpek was feeling philosophical:

‘Go on, keep the rocket, my only regret is that it took a failed space mission to discover that regret is the most useless of emotions’, he said.

Robobandit XR-FZB-3198 was confused.

‘But regret is normal for a human. I am about to steal your only means of escaping this place. It is logical for you to have more regret.’

‘I suppose you're right Robot, maybe I should've listened to the warning I got from space control before landing on the Android homeworld.’

‘What was that warning?’

‘How would I know? I wasn't listening.’