Disease of Envy

[Novocaine]

Envy is Disease:

Envy is sickness abiding within all;
No pharmacon but apathy.
Sight of what one does not have, abruptly provokes appall.
Natural-born disease corrupting totality.

Eternal longing for what one shall never possess;
In attempts to fulfill ostentation.
Unceasingly achieving all for the excess.
Perpetual hate for the infatuation.
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Some difficult words, I'll explain them for easier reading:

Envy- Jealousy
Abiding - Dwelling
Pharmacon - Cure
Apathy - Sense of not caring
Appall - Disgust
Totality - The majority
Eternal - Forever
Ostentation - Showing off; being cocky
Perpetual - Endless
Infatuation - Foolish love for something short-lived

I would love you're thoughts!

 

[Brian G Turner]

Moved to critiques.

As for the short piece itself - the lack of meter is a little jarring - but, fine, modernist poetry doesn't require meter. However, the fact that you feel a need to explain your application of vocabulary perhaps is indicative that you realise that you are attempting to be verbose rather than expressive?

 

[Novocaine]

Moved to critiques.

As for the short piece itself - the lack of meter is a little jarring - but, fine, modernist poetry doesn't require meter. However, the fact that you feel a need to explain your application of vocabulary perhaps is indicative that you realise that you are attempting to be verbose rather than expressive?

I showed it to about 5 other people before, they couldn't understand any of it, so I thought I could help by defining the words. I'm not attempting to come off as intelligent, which you seem to assume; I guess acts of help rarely escape without negative assumption. And plus, the critique is placed upon the poetry, not the excess. As for the shortness, it is not yet finished. And meter... I just hate that!