Seriously stuck... need advice ( little reading)

[The Tennessee Kid]

Okay so far in my story my character has been attacked and killed by a beast..currently he lies dead on the floor... but i want the moonlight to fill him with power.. and revive him as an angel.. but i'm having SERIOUS TROUBLE WORDING IT..

The intensity of light radiating from the beast burning in a storm of red flame caused Terac’s eyes to shut. In a flash of light, the beast blasted sunk its claws into Terac’s skin, scratching every limb until each one was drenched in blood. The beast roared in applause of its newest victim.

Terac lay still on the floor, immersed in a sea of blood as the beast darted towards the burning village.

The moon shone bright that moment, the pure light ray’s illuminated Terac’s body. The brightness caused any trace of colour from the blood to be eradicated from around him. He shone with gleaming light which destroyed any darkness that the night had crammed the sky with.

if anybody can give me any tips from carrying on from this point please let me know.... I actually want him to kill the beast.. but i'm having trouble wording it... ANY HELP WILL BE APPRECIATED !

Josh x

 

[dustinzgirl]

I would say first why the moonlight give him power something like:

It was written, before the world called earth was knew......and the moon, imbued with the ancient noctornal......

Then go with the hows of it.

Knowing why will help you, as an artist, understand how.

 

[Brian G Turner]

I think you may find a particular problem is that you are maybe trying to focus too much on "words", when in literature it could be said that the key to writing is that the strongest novels explore the character experience most (contentious statement perhaps - just illustrative here).

So perhaps you could write as from the character experience in this instance? Or is there a second character to observe the change?

Alternatively, if it doesn't work for you (and an omniscient view can work just fine) then try writing the scene above by removing all describing words, and then insert them slowly until such point as the sentence makes most sense with least description.

Just 2c though.

 

[aurelio]

The power of moonlight has been used as the catalyst of change in werewolf tales, and this is a very familiar usage to most people - you might try playing this known usage to your advantage. Since moonlight in your story is being used as a transforming power for good, look at the ways it has been described in the various werewolf tales and then give it your own positive spin. The fact that Terac is battling a beast also give a nice irony to the magic of your moonlight.

Werewolves usually transform. Their nails grow longer, they get hairy, their faces elongate, and fangs protrude. It's generally described as a process, so you might want to play out Terac's revivication in steps like this too, with the baffled monster looking on.

This idea of yours gives you the advantage of people already associating moonlight with magical powers, especially the power to alter someone physically. It's a smart twist you've come up with here, TK!

 

[The Tennessee Kid]

Hey, i took all your advice into account and this is what I came up with.. is it any good or pure rubbish...?

Terac lay still on the floor, immersed in a sea of blood as the beast darted towards the burning village.



The moon shone bright that moment, the pure light ray’s illuminated Terac’s body. The brightness caused any trace of gruesome colour from the blood, to be eradicated from around him. Every puddle of blood seemed to seep back into Terac's body along with the illumination of moonlight power he absorbed.

Terac shone with gleaming light which destroyed any darkness that the night had crammed the sky with.

The skies had once been applauded by Terac, but now the skies were giving Terac a standing ovation. Filling him with the power he needed so much to destroy the beast from beneath. Streams of lustrous white hair appeared where Terac’s shiny black hair had once been. His tarnished skin now glistened like glass in the abundant illumination radiating around him. Terac’s eyes smouldered with white as he charged towards the beast. His hands spread wide like a blossoming flower as he spread his vine like fingers around the beast’s neck. Instantly his hands tightened around the burning beast’s neck.

Terac was furious; his power had grown ever greater and he showed this through his ever tighter grasp around the near broken neck of the beast. It howled like a lonely wolf as it dropped to the floor. Its flame flickered for a moment, and suddenly vanished like someone had blown it out as if it were a small candle.

Terac stumbled back in shock. His burnt hands were a sign of his sheer power. He could not feel any pain at all. His hands seemed to heal themselves as soon as he laid eyes upon them. The black burn marks that spread wide across his hands like veins instantly dissipated into thin air. The furiously white hair that draped like a waterfall down his back was glowing like the moon of Arte as it blew across his face in the wind, gracefully brushing his face as it swept across his soft white eyes.


Please give your honest oppinion on this if you could...

Thanks

Josh x

 

[cleasterwood]

I wish I could help, but I'm stuck too and haven't been able to get unstuck for over 6 months now. Situations in life causing major blockage of muse's passage through my mind.

I think the revised version is very well written. I like it much better.

 

[The Tennessee Kid]

I wish I could help, but I'm stuck too and haven't been able to get unstuck for over 6 months now. Situations in life causing major blockage of muse's passage through my mind.

I think the revised version is very well written. I like it much better.

Thanks very much, I've got out of my stuck bit now.. i'm off school so i write basically just over a page a day sometimes more. Depends on my mood.. i started writing the novel like 3 /4 days ago i'm on my 13th page now... So i got my fingers crossed to finish it this year.

Josh x

 

[Mayhs]

the description was outstanding...most of it anyway...i just didnt like this part: The skies had once been applauded by Terac, but now the skies were giving Terac a standing ovation sounds a bit cheesy

its very good keep it up...but try and say fewer words, as they can have a bigger impact.

 

[The Tennessee Kid]

the description was outstanding...most of it anyway...i just didnt like this part: The skies had once been applauded by Terac, but now the skies were giving Terac a standing ovation sounds a bit cheesy

its very good keep it up...but try and say fewer words, as they can have a bigger impact.

Thanks, my english teachers all said I was rubbish at descriptive writing... so i just literally fell to peices because I love to write. Then we got a new teacher called Mr Yates who heard who much I liked writing and he told me I was a good writer and he bought me a book on how to write science fiction and fantasy when I left school. He was an ace teacher! ( Sorry just a litte blast from the past there, I'm rather tipsy lol)

Anyways you all enjoy your night now.. p.s Mayhs thanks for the comment!

Josh x

 

[Mayhs]

nps and dpnt let stupid english teachers get you down...theyre probably just jealous

have you written anymore to br judged?

keep up the good work

Mayhs