Your Novel

dwndrgn

Fierce Vowelless One
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Ok, imagine that there has been a novel written about your life so far. Then imagine it on the shelves. Now, write a blurb for the back cover, a catchy tagline and describe the image on the cover.

This is sort of a writing exercise that is fun too.
 
Do we post them here? I'm just wondering as we usually do, but I'm not sure.

Assuming we do, here's mine. I'd like to qualify it by stating that it was written as though my life were a fictional account, and a cheap, trashy fictional account to boot. It is in fact far less tragic and exciting than it sounds, although in retrospect some pretty weird things have happened to me over the years.

Cover Art:

Title (Red-on-White MS Mincho) - Over Matter

An image of a silhouetted figure upon a rock, above a stormy ocean at night, in danger of being dragged-down by the waves.

Name (Yellowy ditto) - Sebastien HUNT

Ballentine Books.

Tag-line:



He thought he could hide from reality – until reality hunted him down!



Blurb:



Tom Meade is a loner. Friendless except for his closest family, he spends his lunch-times reading in the school library, defending himself against the attacks of class mates, and hiding in confusion from people’s attempts to befriend him. Uncertain and feeling himself lacking, he crafts vivid fantasies to compensate for the mundane nature of his existence.



But Thomas has a past, and he cannot escape it. With the reappearance of his disturbed mother, things the young man had never dreamt possible come to pass – terrifying and, ultimately, trying. As time goes by, will he be able to stand this searing baptism by fire? Will his detachment from reality prove his greatest strength – or weakness?



And most of all, can he fulfil his one desire?



Can he fix things?



Over Matter is an emotional roller-coaster, a taut thriller and at the same time a deep and disturbing probe into how tragedy can affect the one person who seems to move outside of it all. Superbly crafted, by the author of the best-selling The Green Planet and By the Unknown River, it is touching, insightful, and at times even horrifying, as it shows the ways that even the smallest of troubles can affect us in crushing, profound ways, and the price that some pay for surviving.

'...striving for quality...and... genuine excellence... becomes apparent in the little things...' Victor Stravinsky, the Sunday Age

'...started to get to me in a way few other books have managed...', Anette Belling, The Bulletin.
 
I haven't finished it yet, and I haven't decided upon a title, so for this I'll just use one I've thought of: The Resurgence

Cover Art

A man in a black cloak, armour showing beneath it, in the foreground on the right with two other soldiers, a burning fort in the background and red cloaked, gray faced tall soldiers with a sword in each hand marching away from the fort.

Across the top, in quite large, white letters: "The Resurgence"
Then my name, in smaller, yellow type beneath it.

Blurb

An acolyte. An assassin. A soldier. This man would play a role greater than any could anticipate in the history of the Empire. Beside him in legend stand the Commander of the Sixth, and the company of which he was a member. Rumours of a Ralasi invasion, an enemy subdued by the Empire for ten years, are abound. Meanwhile, the Rebellion gathers strength and prepares once again to decimate the Sixth army, and all that holds it back is the cunning of the prodigy commander, Durrand, and the resilience of his army. If the rumours are true, than death is certain. But what they would do would go down in history as an exceptional achievement.
 
Cover Art:
Jagged white lettering across the top "Lost in the Dream"
Black cover with a white opening, as if a door opened into a dark room

Tagline:
Who knew? He knew.

Blurb:
The story of one man, trying to find his place in the world, fighting to be free of the world of his own creation.
The story of a man, driven to a singular goal, rudely awakened to a world of alternate possibilites, lost in the exploration of them all. Driven by a desire to see all ends and therefore none.

"...Must try harder..." New York Post

"...lacks focus & direction..." Michael Bay

"...f**king brilliant, man! The guy's a m*ther-f**king genuis, man!" Q Tarentino

"...makes Scooby-Doo look like Topcat!" Some drunk guy down the pub
 
Title: Touched

Tagline: "This is not life....This is madness"

Cover: Dull cream cover, with a central image of a man in a straight jacket arms bound behind his back, posed as though fallen to his knees with his head bowed, bathed in a white spotlight, blured edges disolving into the cream cover.

Blurb: This is not an autobiography although there are moments of truth in it, some is fantasy, some is fact, and a lot of it is made up of the random thoughts we all have but are too busy, too tired or too damn lazy to express.

This is my life this is all about my thoughts and feeling of the now and then, how my life has evolved to this point this day, my chilhood memories of playing in the park, my teenage years of youthful exuberance, and how I come to sit here telling this story to you, who would listen to the ramblings of madman, a man born in 1980 with the whole world ahead of him and by 2005 was commited.
 
Love the three ideas previous, great concepts. and great excercise thanks all.
 
i actually wrote an auto biography a few years, which was spread around for people to read where i live. it wasnt a sole auto though, but a combination of many different people i knew.

title: The pillow

Comfort is easily dissolvable.

Blurb:

The graveyard was empty, the rpeist looking on uncomfortably as the rain thumped hard against his umbrella. He smiled once before leaving, offering the breifest glance of condolence. He watched as her coffin disappeared beneath the soaking earth. Tried, but failed, to conjure a happy memory of their time together. It wasnt that they hadnt had good times, he was blinded by grief and guilt though. For when she had needed him he spurned her, chosen the road to his own salvation with no regard for her.

He needed a drink, perhaps something stronger. He needed the comfort of his pillow, hollow as it was without her.

The story of a teenager on a road of self discovery and self destruction. As some aspects of his life spiral out of control he is forced to claw his way back up from the abyss as friends and lovers fall by the wayside.
 
Title “King of the road“ over a photograph of a stadium concert. The stage, flanked by its two enormous PA/lighting towers is dwarfed by the tens of thousands packed in front of it. Bottom center, a large front of house console backed by a very small (in proportion) sound engineer, with one hand on the faders, the other maintaining a death grip on a bottle of beer. The engineer sports a baseball cap and the universal roady garb of battered jeans and a T-shirt printed with a message that could be obscene, or possibly vaunting the merits of some tour, group or musical instrument manufacturer ; it is too worn to tell.

I fear this will have to be an autobiography, as anyone else would try and make it believable (one of my criticisms of “Spinal Tap“ is that they never went as far as the truth, let alone exaggerating it) This means long winded, over descriptive text ; still, you weren’t going to buy it anyway, were you ?
Blurb
In the dissolute, permissive world of music in the sixties and seventies, roadies are the lowest of the low. Drugged and drunken, they were considered irrelevant by the audience, dangerous by the organisers and satanic by hoteliers. The general image is of a filthy, ignorant foulmouthed barbarian, inarticulate and almost certainly functionally illiterate.
Now, a survivor of this epoch gives the lie to this stereotype ; using no ghosts he’s written his own account of those years on the road, including anecdotes on many of the favorite musicians of the time, promoters, managers and, of course, the groupies.

Sleepless weeks, jet lag and fading youth took him off the touring circuit, and more anecdotes, now about the studio environment, divas and the damaged, how to force essentially discipline free musicians into a routine that will deliver the final product only a few months late follow, and the book winds up in the cinema industry, its similarities and differences with the world of the nomad music creator.
 
im going to have to think about this. but the title would be, the ranter. :) one's womans ranty journey through a world she doesn't understand! :)
or the misanthrope.
or the crazy cat lady! that too :)
cover, well, me as the crazy cat lady would do. its close enough!
blurb, gotta think about that.
hmm.

good idea tho! :)
 

Front cover: A young man swatting Jiminy Cricket with a nail-studded baseball bat.

Title: When you wish upon a star…sod all happens.

Blurb:
There is a big difference between how life SHOULD be and how life IS. Coolhand is finding this out the hard way.
He SHOULD be a multi-million selling author, who spends his free time larking about with fast cars and dating supermodels.
He IS somewhat perplexed IT professional, in an non-descript office with a non descript desk, in a non-descript company that suffers from a distinct lack of supermodels.

Clearly, this situation is unacceptable, and Coolhand is going to re-acceptable-ise it. Then he’s going to buy a dictionary. Then he’s going to make the situation acceptable.

Watch and thrill to the story of one man who decides to fight back the only way he can. It might not be pretty, it might not win him any friends, but Coolhand IS GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER CUP OF COFFEE!

What, you thought this book would a rollercoaster ride of chills and spills?

Wrong book dude.

Wrong life too.

Still, hang around, you never know, something interesting might come up. See? There it is! Over there! NO, THE OTHER WAY! Too late. Missed it. Might as well go home.
 
Cover art : A small dark, cabin, kinda like a passenger's cabin on a boat, but this one would be in a spaceship, and it would show with the metalic walls and lights and high tech gizmos around the room. No one in the room, but the sheets on the bed would be bloody.

Title would be bold yellow on the dark background of the image
Shattered Minds

Blurb:
Sol is now without a job. Needing money, he wanders between the thousand meters high buildings of the metropolis and the Catacombs that lie under the city. Deep underground, he gambles on the cruel, illegal and famed dog fights. Then he ends up taking money from a usurer of the Thousand Eyes street gang. Bad idea.

Now his payment is due and he doesn't have a dime. If they get their hands on him, they won't kill him. No. They'll make him loose his mind.

And then Clarya, this woman, comes in, appears to him, talks to him, haunts him, laughs at him, hurts him.

His broken mind is set loose. A more serious kind of dog fight begins.
 
Over done and over blown, how are we supposed to believe this stuff... The times
great read, real page turner... the sun

(think that says it all really:D)
 
Cover art: Huge, old-fashioned sanatorium-like building, covered in occult-looking symbols. Among the symbols, the title standing out in blood-red: The Gesundheitsfilosof by Jörg Mobsmirn

Blurb: "Far up in the Chyczenian Alps, in the borderlands of wood, rock and ice, a sinister institution becomes the centre of a world-changing cataclysm. As if the Kurêpu Thaumic Hospital staff didn't have enough problems on their own...

This is a hospital in which diseases cause patients to falter in and out of existence, evolve all-new body parts, or speak tongues long dead, in which the nurses have reality displacement insurances, and where several rooms may occupy the same space simultaneously for several hours at a time.

Thadlerian, a fresh assistant from the lowlands, is soon to learn the real meaning of being 'sick'."

"... I read my brains out..." - Anne McCaffrey

"... this is sick stuff... believe me, I know!" - Terry Goodkind

"... Ingenious. I will watch mr. Mobsmirn nervously, from as far off as possible..." - Terry Pratchett

"... I read this in one sitting... not sure what it was all about, though... whatever..." - Robert Jordan
 

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