The Tennessee Kid
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2005
- Messages
- 83
Okay.... nwo up to this point, Terac and the child have descended towards earth after escaping the burning planet they once lived on. Now I wanna know if this part of the story is too clinical.. because in my oppinion its pretty crap. I dont think it flows... but seeing as i'm writing for an audience I wanna hear what you think... PLEASE GIVE AN HONEST OPPINION AS YOU ALWAYS DO! ( btw i'm on a really big downer because i went to see war of the worlds, and it was soo good in my oppinion that i feel everything i write is crap lol) Please..
Surrounded by a cluster of glittering stars lay an empty planet which caught Terac’s eye. It glowed a beautiful mysterious blue and mesmerised Terac.
‘There is where we will build a new home for ourselves boy.’ The child beamed, as Terac and the boy descended gracefully towards the planet. The pure, dark blue colour shimmering from the planet glittered in the dark and empty space it filled.
As Terac and the boy reached the surface of the planet, the blue which encapsulated the planet seemed to shine even brighter than when Terac observed it from space. The bare blue seemed the perfect canvas for Terac to create a new home for himself and the child. His powers had obviously increased from the moonlight, his whole body felt much more stronger to him, his wings made him feel elegant and graceful, something which he’d never felt before. His entire mind filled with thoughts of a new world, one that would not trap him like Marte. One where he would be free to roam the lands for all eternity and gaze at the stars.
But Terac saw that the planet was formless and empty, that darkness was over the surface of the deep dark blue, and Terac and the child remained hovering over the blue. And Terac said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Terac saw that the light radiated across the entire planet, and made the stars above seem invisible, so he separated the light from the darkness so that he was able to gaze lovingly at the stars he so truly desired to be near.
Terac called the light "day," and the child suggested the darkness be called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning the first day, as Terac and the child floated gracefully above the deep blue, the child fell asleep in Terac’s arms as the light Terac had created lowered itself into the sea, and let the darkness pass over the blue again.
Slowly the light crept from beneath the deep blue, as it illuminated the sky with its gentle and pure radiance. Terac saw that the chid was exhausted, as he could barely open his dazzling eyes which were closed tightly.
Terac saw that the blue reminded him of the rain that fell from the skies of Marte. So Terac called the blue water. The water was vast and endless, and Terac saw that child would need somewhere to sleep.
And Terac said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. Terac called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And Terac saw that it was beautiful and both he and the child smiled at his achievements. That evening the child slept peacefully on the land that Terac had created, as Terac stared in admiration at the stars.
Terac was pleased with his creations and saw that they were good, but something was missing from the land, something that he so desperately missed from Marte. So Terac whispered quietly to himself, "Let the land produce the trees and plants which I so desperately miss from Marte. And it was so. The long sturdy trunks sprouted from the land and spread wide across the land. The trees covered Terac and the child and framed them as if they were a beautiful photograph.
The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And Terac saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning, the third and fourth day.
And God said, "Let the waters teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So Terac created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And Terac saw that it was good. Terac blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." And there was evening, and there was morning, the fifth day. And Terac said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. Terac made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And Terac saw that it was good.
Throughout the entire creation of Terac's world, the child remained silent, and never questioned Terac for anything. Then on the sixth evening, the child approached Terac, he clutched Terac’s hand and stared into his eyes. ‘Terac, I miss my mother and father. Will you create me a mother and father?’ Said the child.
Terac looked stunned, his eyes glared at the child as his mind absorbed the child’s request. Terac’s face scrunched together and he turned away from the child, for he himself had felt like a father to the child. He had created a beautiful planet for himself and the child to live on in peace, and now the child did not wish to be with him anymore.
A glistening tear sparkled as it cascaded down Terac’s face, as it slowly dripped off the bottom of his face he turned slowly around to the child. ‘I shall give you what desire then child’ Terac said difficultly.
So Terac created the child a father and a mother in his image. The mother was a beautiful long black haired creation, with supple breasts and an elegant face which glowed with sheer beauty. The father was a sturdy and strong gentleman with a square chin and a muscular body similar to that of Terac’s.
Terac watched in agony as the child and his parents embraced with profound fondness for one another. He felt like his entire heart had been destroyed and broken in front of him. His deep affection and caring for the child did not seem to matter to him anymore.
‘You may live on my Earth, you may eat my creations, and you may live in peace for all of eternity. But you will never see me again.’ Scowled Terac. His wings flapped furiously as he soared high into space, the leaves of the trees blew vigorously as he raged higher towards the stars. Tears streamed down his face and fell violently towards the earth as he floated in the skies.
His rage and jealousy towards them made him feel vengeful. But as he stared glumly at the stars, he realised the child did not understand the complexity of Terac’s ordeal, and the simple fact that he wanted a mother and father was all that he cared for.
HONESTY PLEASE!?
Josh x
Surrounded by a cluster of glittering stars lay an empty planet which caught Terac’s eye. It glowed a beautiful mysterious blue and mesmerised Terac.
‘There is where we will build a new home for ourselves boy.’ The child beamed, as Terac and the boy descended gracefully towards the planet. The pure, dark blue colour shimmering from the planet glittered in the dark and empty space it filled.
As Terac and the boy reached the surface of the planet, the blue which encapsulated the planet seemed to shine even brighter than when Terac observed it from space. The bare blue seemed the perfect canvas for Terac to create a new home for himself and the child. His powers had obviously increased from the moonlight, his whole body felt much more stronger to him, his wings made him feel elegant and graceful, something which he’d never felt before. His entire mind filled with thoughts of a new world, one that would not trap him like Marte. One where he would be free to roam the lands for all eternity and gaze at the stars.
But Terac saw that the planet was formless and empty, that darkness was over the surface of the deep dark blue, and Terac and the child remained hovering over the blue. And Terac said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Terac saw that the light radiated across the entire planet, and made the stars above seem invisible, so he separated the light from the darkness so that he was able to gaze lovingly at the stars he so truly desired to be near.
Terac called the light "day," and the child suggested the darkness be called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning the first day, as Terac and the child floated gracefully above the deep blue, the child fell asleep in Terac’s arms as the light Terac had created lowered itself into the sea, and let the darkness pass over the blue again.
Slowly the light crept from beneath the deep blue, as it illuminated the sky with its gentle and pure radiance. Terac saw that the chid was exhausted, as he could barely open his dazzling eyes which were closed tightly.
Terac saw that the blue reminded him of the rain that fell from the skies of Marte. So Terac called the blue water. The water was vast and endless, and Terac saw that child would need somewhere to sleep.
And Terac said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. Terac called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And Terac saw that it was beautiful and both he and the child smiled at his achievements. That evening the child slept peacefully on the land that Terac had created, as Terac stared in admiration at the stars.
Terac was pleased with his creations and saw that they were good, but something was missing from the land, something that he so desperately missed from Marte. So Terac whispered quietly to himself, "Let the land produce the trees and plants which I so desperately miss from Marte. And it was so. The long sturdy trunks sprouted from the land and spread wide across the land. The trees covered Terac and the child and framed them as if they were a beautiful photograph.
The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And Terac saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning, the third and fourth day.
And God said, "Let the waters teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So Terac created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And Terac saw that it was good. Terac blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." And there was evening, and there was morning, the fifth day. And Terac said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. Terac made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And Terac saw that it was good.
Throughout the entire creation of Terac's world, the child remained silent, and never questioned Terac for anything. Then on the sixth evening, the child approached Terac, he clutched Terac’s hand and stared into his eyes. ‘Terac, I miss my mother and father. Will you create me a mother and father?’ Said the child.
Terac looked stunned, his eyes glared at the child as his mind absorbed the child’s request. Terac’s face scrunched together and he turned away from the child, for he himself had felt like a father to the child. He had created a beautiful planet for himself and the child to live on in peace, and now the child did not wish to be with him anymore.
A glistening tear sparkled as it cascaded down Terac’s face, as it slowly dripped off the bottom of his face he turned slowly around to the child. ‘I shall give you what desire then child’ Terac said difficultly.
So Terac created the child a father and a mother in his image. The mother was a beautiful long black haired creation, with supple breasts and an elegant face which glowed with sheer beauty. The father was a sturdy and strong gentleman with a square chin and a muscular body similar to that of Terac’s.
Terac watched in agony as the child and his parents embraced with profound fondness for one another. He felt like his entire heart had been destroyed and broken in front of him. His deep affection and caring for the child did not seem to matter to him anymore.
‘You may live on my Earth, you may eat my creations, and you may live in peace for all of eternity. But you will never see me again.’ Scowled Terac. His wings flapped furiously as he soared high into space, the leaves of the trees blew vigorously as he raged higher towards the stars. Tears streamed down his face and fell violently towards the earth as he floated in the skies.
His rage and jealousy towards them made him feel vengeful. But as he stared glumly at the stars, he realised the child did not understand the complexity of Terac’s ordeal, and the simple fact that he wanted a mother and father was all that he cared for.
HONESTY PLEASE!?
Josh x
