Very well, then. But keep in mind that this is going to be a bit of an epic saga. I'll begin with:
COVER ART NIGHTMARE #1 -- the American editions of The Green Lion Trilogy
I should begin with a disclaimer: Although I was unhappy with some (most) of the cover art when I was published by Ace, they did choose some very well-established artists for the first books, and considering the thought and care that went into everything else they did in regard to my books I'm utterly convinced that they felt they were doing the very best that they could for me. It was just that my books and their list (as it was at the time) were not a very good match, and if we had all realized that sooner it would have been the better for everyone.
For the Green Lion books, they commissioned Dean Morrissey to do the art for all three. He had done the covers for a number of popular books, and in fact when I heard he would do the art for mine I was very pleased. Little did I know.
For one thing, he was going through a Victorian Gothic phase in his original artwork at the time, and for some bizarre reason thought that would also be appropriate for my medieval fantasy. The cover for CHILD OF SATURN was actually quite attractive, but besides being completely inappropriate to the period and tone of the book, there were some ... rather strange details.
The Princess Diaspad (they tell me the female figure is supposed to represent Diaspad, in spite of the fact that her hair has mysteriously changed color from vivid auburn to a very dark brunette) appears in what looks like a slinky silk (or polyester) nightgown. Meanwhile, my hero, Ceilyn looks like an escapee from a romance novel, in a puffy white shirt and flowing golden locks (in the book, his hair is brown). A particularly exotic touch is the face that he has been given cat's eyes, presumably somebody's idea of the correct physiognomy for a werewolf in his human phase. (Note to artists and art departments: wolves do not have slit pupils. One reason, perhaps, for the widespread belief in werewolves is that the eyes of wolves, unlike those of most animals, look rather eerily human.) Another odd touch is that the dwarf is stirring a boiling cauldron, set right in the middle of what looks like a very expensive oriental rug.
I can't complain about the cover for THE MOON IN HIDING. It's actually rather good, and one can't blame the artist for the fact that the scene selected by the art department does not, in fact, appear in that particular book. It comes straight out of the previous volume. At least it does show a scene from the trilogy, rather than the manufactured vignette described up above.
With THE WORK OF THE SUN, the artist far-surpassed what he did for (to) CHILD OF SATURN. I'm told that the art department sent this one back five times between the preliminary sketch and the finished product, and finally had to give up in disgust and go with what they had because there was no more time. Unlike CoS, this one is ugly as well as strange. Skipping right over the fact that my shy, self-effacing heroine Teleri looks like a Hollywood glamor girl and is dressed like a princess, we come to the tipsy-looking Queen, the maniacally grinning King, and my personal favorite, the bust of George Washington with a bird perched on top of his head.
COVER ART NIGHTMARE #2 -- FRANK KELLY FREAS WANTED TO DO THE ARTWORK FOR MY BOOKS AND THEY SAID NO
Those of you who are a) American and b) have been reading SF and Fantasy approximately since the Ice Age will probably know without being told that having Kelly Freas agree to do your cover art was roughly equal to having Harrison Ford agree to star in your movie. When I first began writing seriously one of my favorite daydreams was that someday an artist like Kelly Freas or George Barr would produce the cover art for one of my books.
How did it happen that this very famous cover artist was not only willing but eager to do my cover art? After the death of his first wife (and frequent model) Freas lost his will to paint and didn't produce anything for a decade or so. Eventually, he married again, and his second wife, Laura Brodian, was a very energetic and outgoing woman determined to help her husband get his career back into high gear. She also happened to be an acquaintance of mine. Looking for suitable projects, she gave him the Green Lion books to read, he really liked them, and said he would love to do the cover art for the sequel trilogy.
I, of course, was thrilled when they approached me with this idea. But when I spoke to my editor, she vetoed the suggestion, saying that a Kelly Freas cover would look too dated. (Never mind that Mercedes Lackey was selling a zillion books and establishing a great career for herself partly because of the beautiful covers Jody Lee was producing very much in the classic Kelly Freas or George Barr style.) They had something very different in mind.
As a result, the trilogy came out with covers by three different artists with wildly divergent styles. The first one looked like a cartoon, the second was fairly attractive and more or less appropriate, and the third was ... well, it looked like the cover of a somewhat steamy romance novel, and the scene they had chosen to depict had no relationship at all to anything in the book.
Meanwhile, Kelly Freas went on to sell award-winning artwork elsewhere.