dreamwalker
Starship Manufacturer
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2005
- Messages
- 349
Hey guys, this an excerpt from near the start of my book. I wanted to remove the gold fish bowl effect sci fi has some times with some engaging dialogue, in which you learn more of each charaters stories. I want some very harsh crits, spelling, grammar and all. Thanks
‘Does she have to wear cuffs? You guys are just going to be in the corridor aren’t you?’ Abryal said as one of the guards was about to leave the room. Abryal was standing next to a large table looking down at her case sifting through her things. Jadra was sitting down, hands on desk with her head facing the floor. Leto was attaching a ribbon of black gum and cable to the walls at chest level. The guard turned over to Jadra and removed her braces. ‘Thanks officer’ Abryal said.
‘No problem ma’am’ The guard said as he walked out.
The room was similar to Jadra’s cell, different only in that it was larger, the skylight was wider, had nothing else other than a large table in the center of the room. Leto picked up a large flattened, matt grey, dome like object and placed it on the table. Next to it he placed a similar looking device, a palm sized controller. He picked up the controller and turned the larger device on. A Holographic projection of the room appeared above the large dome. In the image could be seen the image of the room within the image of the room until it was too small.
‘Is this good Abryal?’ Leto asked. Abryal looked up.
‘A little closer to the face.’
‘It’s on auto track, sit down for a moment’ Abryal sat down, and continued to bring out key cards and glass files from her dark matt grey, burnished aluminium case. Leto crouched, the image above the dome zoomed on a smaller portion of the room, Abryal looked up again at it. Jadra was looking around; she’d catch extended glimpses of each of them before passively looking away.
‘IR?’ Abryal asked
‘Yeah’
‘That’s fine Leto.’ After saying that, Abryal stands up once more.
‘Okay, I’m gunna go off into the other room and fix the sound. You know whether we can leave our gear in here? Setting and packing everyday can be a pain?’
‘You know, I’m not entirely sure, just leave stuff set up for the time being, if they ask us to clear it, we’ll clear it.’ She closes her case and looks toward Leto with a half smile and says ‘It’s a prison, its not like someone’s going to steal it or something’ Abryal remarked, half smirking expecting Leto to do the same.
‘We’ve come far enough on that sense of logic. I’ll call you when it’s set up in the other room, give me… 10 mi.’
‘Sure’ Abryal looks at her various pads and papers, switching and shuffling, giving the impression she was getting them in order. She was stalling. Leto turned off the image and carried the large dome projector before he headed out. Jadra looked straight up at her as Leto left. ‘Right. Miss Kaine, its an honour to finally meet you. I’m Abryal Merrion, a reporter for the ABS Independent News Service. As it stated on your journalistic request form, I’ll be interviewing you about your life, it’s a kind of an auto biographical informal interview thing.’ She looked down to Jadra, searching for acknowledgement. A half concerned expression followed after realising she hadn’t heard Jadra speak yet. ‘Is everything alright Miss Kaine?” Jadra looks up at her.
‘Fine ma’am.’
‘It’s Jadra Kaine isn’t it, can I call you Jadra, these things can get a bit too formal other wise.’
‘Jadra’s fine.’ Jadra then slowly stilled away, looking towards the skylight.
There was silence for several moments, as Abryal sat down. She was visibly the less comfortable of the two, fidgeting and glancing from either side frequently and timidly.
‘And just Abryal would be fine for me. You know, this is the perfect time to ask me questions, anything you want.’ Again this was followed by a long period of silence. Jadra locks a gaze on Abryal for a moment. Then enquired,
‘When was the last time you had sex?’
‘Excuse me?’ Abryal was once again rocked off balance by the question and began to search Jadra’s facial expression for clues to the motives behind the question. ‘When was the last time I had sex?’
‘Yeah, I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately. It’s just you have so much time to think, and reflect. You kind of realise how lonely… and cold it is in confinement.’ Jadra stands up and begins to walk around the table. ‘And how you miss the warm, touch of another woman, up close to your skin’ Jadra was getting closer, and closer. Abryal’s disposition turned to one of paralytic shock as Jadra came closer and closer sliding her fingers on the table.
‘Jadra, I’m not, I’d, I...’
‘Don’t be afraid, I can be very gentle’ Jadra now at the corner of the table paused then broke down into laughter. ‘Ouch, did you feel the sexual tension! Haha...’ Jadra exclaimed. Abryal sighed to her self now relieved and slightly embarrassed.
‘Okay, okay, you’ve been thinking about that one for how long?’ said Abryal looking far from impressed.
‘Days. I think you’d gone with it if I wasn’t playing.’ Jadra said smiling as she looked up at her.
‘I don’t think so.’ Abryal said dismissively.
‘It sure feels good to get out of ones head!’ Jadra continued grinning ‘Hey, I broke the ice and lightened the mood a little. Anyway, didn’t you want less formal?’
‘I meant the more professional than personal less formal.’
‘I get you.’ Jadra looks away to the skylight again after walking back to her seat. ‘So are you and Leto having sex?’
‘Ok, my sex life is off limits, is that clear?’ Abryal said almost appearing stern; she shut her case and gained composure.
‘Your right, my bad, I figure it was kinda more professional than the last one.’ Jadra looks begins again to gaze reflexively at the room, the continuing silence makes the room feel bigger than it was. ‘Alright. I’ve got a question’ Abryal prepares her self. ‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Why am I doing this? This interview?’ Abryal Responded.
‘Yes’
‘Well, the truth is, I’ve always wanted to interview you. I wanted to interview you for sometime, since before Pretoria and now that I finally have the opportunity to.’
‘Well, if you’ve noticed, I’m not exactly military pin-up girl material anymore, being on death row and all.’ Jadra said.
‘Yes but you’re here, im here. I realised it would be better if I took it than regret not taking it later in my career.’ Abryal responded.
‘I bet it’ll make one hell of a story, my life’s the stuff that movies are made from.’ Jadra boasted, Abryal looked away and smiled openly. ‘I’m serious, the legend of Jadra Kaine, based on a true story.’
‘I doubt this interview will be aired, even in part, Media quotas have already gone over board for you and your trial last year. And by the time this gets edited, interest would have fizzled out in you and the state would have found a new poster boy to promote the Nlaide’s war to the rest of the Federation.’
‘Is that how it is? I guess I’m just gunna have to give you a hell of an interview then.’
‘Does she have to wear cuffs? You guys are just going to be in the corridor aren’t you?’ Abryal said as one of the guards was about to leave the room. Abryal was standing next to a large table looking down at her case sifting through her things. Jadra was sitting down, hands on desk with her head facing the floor. Leto was attaching a ribbon of black gum and cable to the walls at chest level. The guard turned over to Jadra and removed her braces. ‘Thanks officer’ Abryal said.
‘No problem ma’am’ The guard said as he walked out.
The room was similar to Jadra’s cell, different only in that it was larger, the skylight was wider, had nothing else other than a large table in the center of the room. Leto picked up a large flattened, matt grey, dome like object and placed it on the table. Next to it he placed a similar looking device, a palm sized controller. He picked up the controller and turned the larger device on. A Holographic projection of the room appeared above the large dome. In the image could be seen the image of the room within the image of the room until it was too small.
‘Is this good Abryal?’ Leto asked. Abryal looked up.
‘A little closer to the face.’
‘It’s on auto track, sit down for a moment’ Abryal sat down, and continued to bring out key cards and glass files from her dark matt grey, burnished aluminium case. Leto crouched, the image above the dome zoomed on a smaller portion of the room, Abryal looked up again at it. Jadra was looking around; she’d catch extended glimpses of each of them before passively looking away.
‘IR?’ Abryal asked
‘Yeah’
‘That’s fine Leto.’ After saying that, Abryal stands up once more.
‘Okay, I’m gunna go off into the other room and fix the sound. You know whether we can leave our gear in here? Setting and packing everyday can be a pain?’
‘You know, I’m not entirely sure, just leave stuff set up for the time being, if they ask us to clear it, we’ll clear it.’ She closes her case and looks toward Leto with a half smile and says ‘It’s a prison, its not like someone’s going to steal it or something’ Abryal remarked, half smirking expecting Leto to do the same.
‘We’ve come far enough on that sense of logic. I’ll call you when it’s set up in the other room, give me… 10 mi.’
‘Sure’ Abryal looks at her various pads and papers, switching and shuffling, giving the impression she was getting them in order. She was stalling. Leto turned off the image and carried the large dome projector before he headed out. Jadra looked straight up at her as Leto left. ‘Right. Miss Kaine, its an honour to finally meet you. I’m Abryal Merrion, a reporter for the ABS Independent News Service. As it stated on your journalistic request form, I’ll be interviewing you about your life, it’s a kind of an auto biographical informal interview thing.’ She looked down to Jadra, searching for acknowledgement. A half concerned expression followed after realising she hadn’t heard Jadra speak yet. ‘Is everything alright Miss Kaine?” Jadra looks up at her.
‘Fine ma’am.’
‘It’s Jadra Kaine isn’t it, can I call you Jadra, these things can get a bit too formal other wise.’
‘Jadra’s fine.’ Jadra then slowly stilled away, looking towards the skylight.
There was silence for several moments, as Abryal sat down. She was visibly the less comfortable of the two, fidgeting and glancing from either side frequently and timidly.
‘And just Abryal would be fine for me. You know, this is the perfect time to ask me questions, anything you want.’ Again this was followed by a long period of silence. Jadra locks a gaze on Abryal for a moment. Then enquired,
‘When was the last time you had sex?’
‘Excuse me?’ Abryal was once again rocked off balance by the question and began to search Jadra’s facial expression for clues to the motives behind the question. ‘When was the last time I had sex?’
‘Yeah, I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately. It’s just you have so much time to think, and reflect. You kind of realise how lonely… and cold it is in confinement.’ Jadra stands up and begins to walk around the table. ‘And how you miss the warm, touch of another woman, up close to your skin’ Jadra was getting closer, and closer. Abryal’s disposition turned to one of paralytic shock as Jadra came closer and closer sliding her fingers on the table.
‘Jadra, I’m not, I’d, I...’
‘Don’t be afraid, I can be very gentle’ Jadra now at the corner of the table paused then broke down into laughter. ‘Ouch, did you feel the sexual tension! Haha...’ Jadra exclaimed. Abryal sighed to her self now relieved and slightly embarrassed.
‘Okay, okay, you’ve been thinking about that one for how long?’ said Abryal looking far from impressed.
‘Days. I think you’d gone with it if I wasn’t playing.’ Jadra said smiling as she looked up at her.
‘I don’t think so.’ Abryal said dismissively.
‘It sure feels good to get out of ones head!’ Jadra continued grinning ‘Hey, I broke the ice and lightened the mood a little. Anyway, didn’t you want less formal?’
‘I meant the more professional than personal less formal.’
‘I get you.’ Jadra looks away to the skylight again after walking back to her seat. ‘So are you and Leto having sex?’
‘Ok, my sex life is off limits, is that clear?’ Abryal said almost appearing stern; she shut her case and gained composure.
‘Your right, my bad, I figure it was kinda more professional than the last one.’ Jadra looks begins again to gaze reflexively at the room, the continuing silence makes the room feel bigger than it was. ‘Alright. I’ve got a question’ Abryal prepares her self. ‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Why am I doing this? This interview?’ Abryal Responded.
‘Yes’
‘Well, the truth is, I’ve always wanted to interview you. I wanted to interview you for sometime, since before Pretoria and now that I finally have the opportunity to.’
‘Well, if you’ve noticed, I’m not exactly military pin-up girl material anymore, being on death row and all.’ Jadra said.
‘Yes but you’re here, im here. I realised it would be better if I took it than regret not taking it later in my career.’ Abryal responded.
‘I bet it’ll make one hell of a story, my life’s the stuff that movies are made from.’ Jadra boasted, Abryal looked away and smiled openly. ‘I’m serious, the legend of Jadra Kaine, based on a true story.’
‘I doubt this interview will be aired, even in part, Media quotas have already gone over board for you and your trial last year. And by the time this gets edited, interest would have fizzled out in you and the state would have found a new poster boy to promote the Nlaide’s war to the rest of the Federation.’
‘Is that how it is? I guess I’m just gunna have to give you a hell of an interview then.’
