just want to put up an exerpt froma short sci fi story i am currently working on. This is from a small bit in as our lead character is travelling in system on a massive star ship designed to resemble a cruise liner. any thoughts are welcome, not looking for very much beyond wether its enjoyable or not
The dark side of Octavious slowly brightened until it could be seen in perfect clarity. There were vast storms all over the surface, one so massive as to dominate nearly an entire hemisphere of the giant. Sensing his gaze flickering to a specific storm, his vision zoomed in automatically. He felt a momentary curse forming at his AI, but suppressed the profanity. Instead he watched the curious vision as it began to dominate his sight. He felt awed by the display, lightning rippled along the surface of the storms, great bolts of electricity that spiked across the clouds for hundreds of miles and sent towering spires of ejecti miles into space. The violence of the display was breathtaking and many along the rail cooed and pointed at the fury of the storms. It was as if the planet were some angry god, enraged by their invasion of its privacy.
They descended into the storm.
His vision flickered back to normal, and although they weren’t truly heading into the storm they were getting ever closer to the planet’s upper atmosphere as the Star Sailor slowly turned itself onto what would have been its side moments ago. Octavious slowly rotated in Jorin’s field of vision, sidling round from beside them until it was directly below. Massive and beautiful it was like an Ocean of fire underneath a brilliant starry sky. The storms were waves cresting far into the distance, the horizon little more than a faintly curved line between the bruised gas giant and the endless night. The inertia dampeners were so good that he didn’t even get motion sickness at the perspective change, yet as soon as they seemed to flow along the surface of the ship, there came the faintest rise and fall of horizon, and a rolling churn in his belly. He laughed without knowing it, basking in the wonderfully dark glow of Octavious as the deck seemed to roll beneath his feet.
People craned over the side of the front rail, a young woman jostling Jorin in a bid to see, as they seemed to sail just inches above the stormy sea that was Octavious. The swirling crimson and violet was so close that the world below them was a massive patchwork of colour flowing by. Occasionally they past above a particularly violent storm as spikes of lightning sent ejecti out of the atmosphere to engulf them in a dull brown haze that washed across their invisible shield not fifteen feet from their faces. People screamed in pleasure and delight as the gas flowed up and round them, blocking out the world before they passed through unscathed. There was an odd feeling of heat as if the shields had failed, but it was only the ships AI playing to the crowds excitement.
Jorin smiled at the nervous laughter of the first timers, and the smug confidence of old timers like himself, despite his not really having any. The young woman who had jostled him earlier had grasped his arm in fear at the storms. He didn’t know how he instinctively knew she was young for he himself looked no older than twenty five. The eyes though don’t lie, and when she looked into his face with a nervous excitement he could see an innocence rarely glimpsed in the universe of man.
The dark side of Octavious slowly brightened until it could be seen in perfect clarity. There were vast storms all over the surface, one so massive as to dominate nearly an entire hemisphere of the giant. Sensing his gaze flickering to a specific storm, his vision zoomed in automatically. He felt a momentary curse forming at his AI, but suppressed the profanity. Instead he watched the curious vision as it began to dominate his sight. He felt awed by the display, lightning rippled along the surface of the storms, great bolts of electricity that spiked across the clouds for hundreds of miles and sent towering spires of ejecti miles into space. The violence of the display was breathtaking and many along the rail cooed and pointed at the fury of the storms. It was as if the planet were some angry god, enraged by their invasion of its privacy.
They descended into the storm.
His vision flickered back to normal, and although they weren’t truly heading into the storm they were getting ever closer to the planet’s upper atmosphere as the Star Sailor slowly turned itself onto what would have been its side moments ago. Octavious slowly rotated in Jorin’s field of vision, sidling round from beside them until it was directly below. Massive and beautiful it was like an Ocean of fire underneath a brilliant starry sky. The storms were waves cresting far into the distance, the horizon little more than a faintly curved line between the bruised gas giant and the endless night. The inertia dampeners were so good that he didn’t even get motion sickness at the perspective change, yet as soon as they seemed to flow along the surface of the ship, there came the faintest rise and fall of horizon, and a rolling churn in his belly. He laughed without knowing it, basking in the wonderfully dark glow of Octavious as the deck seemed to roll beneath his feet.
People craned over the side of the front rail, a young woman jostling Jorin in a bid to see, as they seemed to sail just inches above the stormy sea that was Octavious. The swirling crimson and violet was so close that the world below them was a massive patchwork of colour flowing by. Occasionally they past above a particularly violent storm as spikes of lightning sent ejecti out of the atmosphere to engulf them in a dull brown haze that washed across their invisible shield not fifteen feet from their faces. People screamed in pleasure and delight as the gas flowed up and round them, blocking out the world before they passed through unscathed. There was an odd feeling of heat as if the shields had failed, but it was only the ships AI playing to the crowds excitement.
Jorin smiled at the nervous laughter of the first timers, and the smug confidence of old timers like himself, despite his not really having any. The young woman who had jostled him earlier had grasped his arm in fear at the storms. He didn’t know how he instinctively knew she was young for he himself looked no older than twenty five. The eyes though don’t lie, and when she looked into his face with a nervous excitement he could see an innocence rarely glimpsed in the universe of man.
