dreamwalker
Starship Manufacturer
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2005
- Messages
- 349
This is the very begining of my novel. I would appriciate all comments especially ones conserning use and format of flashbacks etc.
This bit goes before the previously submitted section which i'd encourage you to read http://www.chronicles-network.net/forum/showthread.php?t=7559 if you like the begining. I'll be slotting intermittant updates (in order hopefully).
Thanks
‘One.’
She was upside down, with her back pent up against the wall and her hands pressing the floor away as she counted.
‘Three… four.’ Blood flowed to her head causing her face to ripen. The press ups sustained. ‘Six, Seven, Eight, Nine… Ten…’
The room around her was white concrete for three of the walls, featureless apart from the window which was more a skylight, barred and placed high on the wall next to the ceiling. There wasn’t a forth wall, instead glass, brushed and frosted to head level leaving a thin strip clear too see through. That separated the room from the empty white and grey, concrete corridor. Day light from the window struck her face and torso. She had dark hair, almost black, greasy, straight and short that glistened Indigo, Violet and Ashe when it caught the sunshine. She was wearing a grey sleeveless sweatshirt trimmed with black along with orange field trousers. Upside down, her hair exposed her face which was now turning cherry from its natural pale. She was grimacing and grunting, even though she was young, it was a look that her profile had grown to be well accustomed to. The room was big enough, finger tip to toe length each way with room to spare. On the skylight side was an untidy bed and a latrine.
‘Four…teen… fifth...’
Her memory forcefully breached her conscious mind as she recalled a sudden spin and violent distortion and slicker of her sight.
She collapsed uncontrollably rolling to the ground ending up laying flat on her back with arms spread out. She spent a few moments in that position trying to regain composure. Her breathing gradually shallowed, her expression subtly changed.
‘This is stupid; I don’t need to be doing this.’
This bit goes before the previously submitted section which i'd encourage you to read http://www.chronicles-network.net/forum/showthread.php?t=7559 if you like the begining. I'll be slotting intermittant updates (in order hopefully).
Thanks
Chapter I
Bright Eyed, Wide Day
Bright Eyed, Wide Day
‘One.’
She was upside down, with her back pent up against the wall and her hands pressing the floor away as she counted.
‘Three… four.’ Blood flowed to her head causing her face to ripen. The press ups sustained. ‘Six, Seven, Eight, Nine… Ten…’
‘Ten mi, gimble lock achieved. Guns! Guns!’
The echoes of a remote memory shattered the clarity of her thoughts. She continued to press. ‘Twelve… Thir..”
‘…teen, check your six, and return to point, boggy has firing solution, repeat boggy has...’
The voice was louder this time, visibly upsetting her rhythm. Now she saw it clearly in her mind; The yellow steaks flashing intermittently with brilliant explosions. Her sight simultaneously extended to everything around in all directions – with white dots, some moving and some not moving. With objects surrounding her, daring like flies. Some tracked by Green chevrons - target indicators, identifiers and many more with red. Beyond everything was the black of space.
The room around her was white concrete for three of the walls, featureless apart from the window which was more a skylight, barred and placed high on the wall next to the ceiling. There wasn’t a forth wall, instead glass, brushed and frosted to head level leaving a thin strip clear too see through. That separated the room from the empty white and grey, concrete corridor. Day light from the window struck her face and torso. She had dark hair, almost black, greasy, straight and short that glistened Indigo, Violet and Ashe when it caught the sunshine. She was wearing a grey sleeveless sweatshirt trimmed with black along with orange field trousers. Upside down, her hair exposed her face which was now turning cherry from its natural pale. She was grimacing and grunting, even though she was young, it was a look that her profile had grown to be well accustomed to. The room was big enough, finger tip to toe length each way with room to spare. On the skylight side was an untidy bed and a latrine.
‘Four…teen… fifth...’
Her memory forcefully breached her conscious mind as she recalled a sudden spin and violent distortion and slicker of her sight.
She collapsed uncontrollably rolling to the ground ending up laying flat on her back with arms spread out. She spent a few moments in that position trying to regain composure. Her breathing gradually shallowed, her expression subtly changed.
‘This is stupid; I don’t need to be doing this.’
