dreamwalker
Starship Manufacturer
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2005
- Messages
- 349
This is in the second chapter, a few moments on from the start. Jadra's in an interview speaking to the ancorlady Abryal and we join the story in the middle of a flash back from jadra's childhood.
All critts welcomed and sincerly appricated. most of all, if you felt indifferent about the story, I really want you to tell me why.
Thanks
From Lines Green and Black Chapter 2 (Year one)
After class, Jadra walked out onto the corridor with a number of glass cards tucked between her arm and chest. She was alone although dozens of children lined the walls, some of them leaving the class room, others just standing there. Some of the children broke conversation and just starred. Her self esteem was already badly fried. Her Nerves where as frail as her hair, but she just wanted to get through it, past the children and onto the foyer. She was tripped. She stumbled a little but remained on her feet. She heard giggles but didn’t look around, just down, and continued to walk trying only to get to the corridors end. She was tripped again, more aggressively this time and this time she lost her footing and crashed face first into the ground. There was blatant laughter by everyone around her. She was in pain, with not just the humiliation but one of the glass pads cracked and had sliced her arm and hand. A vicious glare erupted on her face. She knew exactly who it was as she began to pick her self up. The boy was laughing hysterically, arms crossed and facing away from her. She left a couple of the pads in her hand, the ones which didn’t hurt. She held them as she and turned around, not looking up at the person she knew had tripped her until she swung with the full force of her right hand. A swift back hand, the hand with the pads extended outward in a perfect leftwards and upwards ark. The pad and his face connected and the full shock of the blow was felt by everyone near him. It was so sudden, and violent, the boy never saw it coming, never heard the appalling sharp, muted sound of layered plastic-coated glass shattering against human cheek bone. The sound was heard by everyone there except the boy as he was already unconscious and on his way to the floor. No one expected it; no one even really saw the movement, it was so fast. Blood dripped down from Jadra’s cut wrist and onto the shattered pads. It was a few brief moments before the crowd of children slowly made there way to the boy who was knocked out cold. They whispered and talked amongst themselves. Jadra was numb, the anger and pain of before was completely cancelled out by this act. She dropped the pads and starred at the result of her wrath. Teachers later came telling the children to get back and make room.
‘Jadra smacking him silly Sir, she’s pawned him with her pad.’ One of the children professed. Jadra was silent as the hot fuss grew around them.
‘Get back will you?’ One of the teachers said.
Jadra was sitting on chairs out on a passage with school boards and glass displays. She had tears running down her cheeks but wasn’t actively crying. Her hand was bandaged from hand to elbow with a moist grey strap material. She could barely move her fingers.
‘Mom will get here. She’ll understand and set things straight.’ She was there for a very long time. For her it felt like forever as for how ever long it really was, it was too long to be left alone with those kinds of thoughts. A woman approached Jadra; Jadra looked up at her as she approached. Jadra was miftly frightened by the look on the woman’s face as she came to slowly kneel in front of her.
‘I’m guessing that’s how you learnt your parents where assassinated?’ Abryal said, fully engrossed by the story so far yet in keeping of the current tone.
‘That’s right. You know how bad things normally happen all at once? And the very last thing or the very worst thing puts it all into perspective. That was that day.’ There was silence for a few moments. Jadra was sad but not bitter; she turned and looked up at Abryal who, to her seemed closer to her for listening to what she just said. ‘From when I woke up I’ll never forget that day.’ Jadra looked up and caught something in Abryal’s gaze she didn’t like. ‘I
‘I don’t want your pity, or your sorrow, or your empathy. My life isn’t a sob story or a sad movie.’ Jadra said aggressively as if insulted with Abryal’s the brief show of warmness
‘I’m, I understand, I apologise. Please, go on.’
If any one wants to read the whole story so far i'll upload an html version on request!
All critts welcomed and sincerly appricated. most of all, if you felt indifferent about the story, I really want you to tell me why.
Thanks
From Lines Green and Black Chapter 2 (Year one)
After class, Jadra walked out onto the corridor with a number of glass cards tucked between her arm and chest. She was alone although dozens of children lined the walls, some of them leaving the class room, others just standing there. Some of the children broke conversation and just starred. Her self esteem was already badly fried. Her Nerves where as frail as her hair, but she just wanted to get through it, past the children and onto the foyer. She was tripped. She stumbled a little but remained on her feet. She heard giggles but didn’t look around, just down, and continued to walk trying only to get to the corridors end. She was tripped again, more aggressively this time and this time she lost her footing and crashed face first into the ground. There was blatant laughter by everyone around her. She was in pain, with not just the humiliation but one of the glass pads cracked and had sliced her arm and hand. A vicious glare erupted on her face. She knew exactly who it was as she began to pick her self up. The boy was laughing hysterically, arms crossed and facing away from her. She left a couple of the pads in her hand, the ones which didn’t hurt. She held them as she and turned around, not looking up at the person she knew had tripped her until she swung with the full force of her right hand. A swift back hand, the hand with the pads extended outward in a perfect leftwards and upwards ark. The pad and his face connected and the full shock of the blow was felt by everyone near him. It was so sudden, and violent, the boy never saw it coming, never heard the appalling sharp, muted sound of layered plastic-coated glass shattering against human cheek bone. The sound was heard by everyone there except the boy as he was already unconscious and on his way to the floor. No one expected it; no one even really saw the movement, it was so fast. Blood dripped down from Jadra’s cut wrist and onto the shattered pads. It was a few brief moments before the crowd of children slowly made there way to the boy who was knocked out cold. They whispered and talked amongst themselves. Jadra was numb, the anger and pain of before was completely cancelled out by this act. She dropped the pads and starred at the result of her wrath. Teachers later came telling the children to get back and make room.
‘Jadra smacking him silly Sir, she’s pawned him with her pad.’ One of the children professed. Jadra was silent as the hot fuss grew around them.
‘Get back will you?’ One of the teachers said.
Jadra was sitting on chairs out on a passage with school boards and glass displays. She had tears running down her cheeks but wasn’t actively crying. Her hand was bandaged from hand to elbow with a moist grey strap material. She could barely move her fingers.
‘Mom will get here. She’ll understand and set things straight.’ She was there for a very long time. For her it felt like forever as for how ever long it really was, it was too long to be left alone with those kinds of thoughts. A woman approached Jadra; Jadra looked up at her as she approached. Jadra was miftly frightened by the look on the woman’s face as she came to slowly kneel in front of her.
‘I’m guessing that’s how you learnt your parents where assassinated?’ Abryal said, fully engrossed by the story so far yet in keeping of the current tone.
‘That’s right. You know how bad things normally happen all at once? And the very last thing or the very worst thing puts it all into perspective. That was that day.’ There was silence for a few moments. Jadra was sad but not bitter; she turned and looked up at Abryal who, to her seemed closer to her for listening to what she just said. ‘From when I woke up I’ll never forget that day.’ Jadra looked up and caught something in Abryal’s gaze she didn’t like. ‘I
‘I don’t want your pity, or your sorrow, or your empathy. My life isn’t a sob story or a sad movie.’ Jadra said aggressively as if insulted with Abryal’s the brief show of warmness
‘I’m, I understand, I apologise. Please, go on.’
If any one wants to read the whole story so far i'll upload an html version on request!
