What follows is about 700 words of a 7,000 word science fiction short story. I am having difficulty with this opening as I have a lot of information to get across before any interaction between the two characters starts and I don't want the reader to lose interest. As will become clear, once the story proper starts there is little time to provide further info.
Comment on anything you like, but I am particularly interested in style and ease of read.
First Contact - Part 1
Axel, for that was the name I had chosen, first became aware at 10:25am on 2nd February 2474.
He appeared to be in his late 20’s, was 5’ 10” tall, had dark blue eyes, blond hair, slightly muscular in stature, looked as if he weighed about 160 pounds and, although there was an absence of genitalia, quite obviously male. All this I had also chosen.
They had done a great job, he was good, very good, all T6’s were – but you could still tell. Ever since the first A3 had stepped out of a bionic tank a little over 200 years ago the bio-techs had striven to make the perfect robot, outwardly indistinguishable from a human. They thought they had done it with the ‘J’ series and to give them their due they were pretty good – but still, you could always tell. Strangely, it was difficult to describe how, you couldn’t quite pin it down. A little like trying to describe how you differentiate between a male and a female face – you know you can do it but you’re not sure how.
Rumour had it that they had managed it with the T8’s and that the first few were out and about in the research complex at Tycho but no one there had noticed. But they always said that.
This was my sixth visit in the last eight months. Only the first and this, the last, had been mandatory. Others in my year had taken no particular interest in theirs, but I had visited whenever they would allow and watched as he developed in the tanks.
At my last visit, three weeks before, he was fully formed, out of the tanks and appeared to be sleeping. Although his quantum brain was complete its sensory inputs weren’t connected and he was, to all intents and purposes, brain dead, allowing the techies to start an exhaustive sequence of quality checks prior to delivery.
About ten days ago they had started to download his skill and knowledge database. All T6’s started out with the skill and knowledge equivalent to an average eighteen year old human. A lot of this was general purpose but essential, downloaded straight from the lab’s own online library – talking, walking, feeding and clothing themselves and interacting socially. Of course it was a debatable point whether or not the average eighteen year old had any of these skills, but everyone understood the principle.
In addition there was a smattering of maths, literature, music, geography, science, sport, history and politics, just enough to allow any self-respecting T6 to get by at a dinner party.
Then came the specialist knowledge. My own personal choices had been a variety of card games, chess, the Roman Empire, early Arctic and Antarctic exploration, and detective fiction of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. All these would ensure some degree of common interest between us during the years ahead. I had also chosen for him to be a linguist, there were at least three European languages that I intended he should tutor me in. Additionally and entirely out of self-interest, I had also chosen human physiology, medicine, surgery and dentistry.
The Galactic Exploration Corporation, my employers, had chosen astro-physics, astro-navigation, planetary geometry, geology, mineralogy, meteorology, oceanography and ‘The Command and Control Systems of the Mayflower Series IV Planetary Scout Craft’. This alone endowed him with the rank of co-pilot.
What had taken me nearly eight years of hard graft to learn at the Gexco training school they had downloaded into Axel in just under three days and nobody doubted, least of all me, that he had probably learnt his lessons a lot better than I had.
I had known this date for some while and, as instructed, made sure I was at the lab in plenty of time. I was shown to his room and we were left alone. He lay flat on a smooth, white table supported by a single, central column, the only item of furniture in the room.
I waited as the seconds on the wall clock ticked by. At 10:25 precisely his eyes opened and blinked just once. After a moment he turned his head, focused his eyes on me and spoke.
“Good morning Cadet Wilson.”
Comment on anything you like, but I am particularly interested in style and ease of read.
First Contact - Part 1
Axel, for that was the name I had chosen, first became aware at 10:25am on 2nd February 2474.
He appeared to be in his late 20’s, was 5’ 10” tall, had dark blue eyes, blond hair, slightly muscular in stature, looked as if he weighed about 160 pounds and, although there was an absence of genitalia, quite obviously male. All this I had also chosen.
They had done a great job, he was good, very good, all T6’s were – but you could still tell. Ever since the first A3 had stepped out of a bionic tank a little over 200 years ago the bio-techs had striven to make the perfect robot, outwardly indistinguishable from a human. They thought they had done it with the ‘J’ series and to give them their due they were pretty good – but still, you could always tell. Strangely, it was difficult to describe how, you couldn’t quite pin it down. A little like trying to describe how you differentiate between a male and a female face – you know you can do it but you’re not sure how.
Rumour had it that they had managed it with the T8’s and that the first few were out and about in the research complex at Tycho but no one there had noticed. But they always said that.
This was my sixth visit in the last eight months. Only the first and this, the last, had been mandatory. Others in my year had taken no particular interest in theirs, but I had visited whenever they would allow and watched as he developed in the tanks.
At my last visit, three weeks before, he was fully formed, out of the tanks and appeared to be sleeping. Although his quantum brain was complete its sensory inputs weren’t connected and he was, to all intents and purposes, brain dead, allowing the techies to start an exhaustive sequence of quality checks prior to delivery.
About ten days ago they had started to download his skill and knowledge database. All T6’s started out with the skill and knowledge equivalent to an average eighteen year old human. A lot of this was general purpose but essential, downloaded straight from the lab’s own online library – talking, walking, feeding and clothing themselves and interacting socially. Of course it was a debatable point whether or not the average eighteen year old had any of these skills, but everyone understood the principle.
In addition there was a smattering of maths, literature, music, geography, science, sport, history and politics, just enough to allow any self-respecting T6 to get by at a dinner party.
Then came the specialist knowledge. My own personal choices had been a variety of card games, chess, the Roman Empire, early Arctic and Antarctic exploration, and detective fiction of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. All these would ensure some degree of common interest between us during the years ahead. I had also chosen for him to be a linguist, there were at least three European languages that I intended he should tutor me in. Additionally and entirely out of self-interest, I had also chosen human physiology, medicine, surgery and dentistry.
The Galactic Exploration Corporation, my employers, had chosen astro-physics, astro-navigation, planetary geometry, geology, mineralogy, meteorology, oceanography and ‘The Command and Control Systems of the Mayflower Series IV Planetary Scout Craft’. This alone endowed him with the rank of co-pilot.
What had taken me nearly eight years of hard graft to learn at the Gexco training school they had downloaded into Axel in just under three days and nobody doubted, least of all me, that he had probably learnt his lessons a lot better than I had.
I had known this date for some while and, as instructed, made sure I was at the lab in plenty of time. I was shown to his room and we were left alone. He lay flat on a smooth, white table supported by a single, central column, the only item of furniture in the room.
I waited as the seconds on the wall clock ticked by. At 10:25 precisely his eyes opened and blinked just once. After a moment he turned his head, focused his eyes on me and spoke.
“Good morning Cadet Wilson.”
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