I think I'd be Nanny Ogg.
Drink hard, make all your daughters-in-law do the housework, flirt inappropriately and sing bawdy songs about wizard's staffs and hedgehogs!
That's the life! Oh and command some respect too.
However a lot of people remind me of Foul Ole Ron. Their hygiene isn't the best, they make no sense and they could really use a Thinking-Brain (instead of Seeing-eye) dog.