Stupid Novels You Never Wrote

[dustinzgirl]

I use the term novel loosely. We all have them, silly little ideas you never wrote down, little imaginary blurbs, that kind of stuff.

Like, I always thought it would be cool to write a novel only using characters from the tarot cards.

Or, writing a story where all of the characters are fish. Like finding nemo, only these guys are evil and vicious and cannibals.

Anyways, that kind of thing.

I know, silly, but what the heck.

 

[Brian G Turner]

I always thought my own ideas were great - though not everyone else may agree.

Worst one I put to paper was a modern comedy version of "Romeo & Juliet". It was a play first, then I wrote it as a 70k word novel (my first completed novel). It had it moments, but it's one thing I've written that I wouldn't be sad to see deleted from the world. I doubt the world would miss it.

 

[Marky Lazer]

Oh, I got tons of ideas like that, and the good ones are still on the To Do list. My wacky ideas that didn't get anywhere were the friendship between a guy and living trees and a people living in someone's waterbed.

 

[YOSSARIAN]

Marky-please turn at least one of these ideas into a full-fledged story. I will read it! Even better:write a story about fish tarot card characters living in a waterbed.

 

[dustinzgirl]

I always thought my own ideas were great - though not everyone else may agree.

Worst one I put to paper was a modern comedy version of "Romeo & Juliet". It was a play first, then I wrote it as a 70k word novel (my first completed novel). It had it moments, but it's one thing I've written that I wouldn't be sad to see deleted from the world. I doubt the world would miss it.

What, Romeo and Juliet wasn't a comedy originally? I thought it was funny, myself.

Just kidding!

How about, Romeo and Juliet as mermaids underwater, in a society where everything is controlled by the tarot cards?

Or, I had this idea that if you were, quite literally, the last man on earth, and suddenly discovered--because of the lack of interference, that animals could talk. would you marry one? I know, sounds gross, but think of the implications...the world is stricken by a disease that kills EVERYONE but one guy. Who finds, because he is in the jungle, that monkey have thier own language, and are pretty much like humans only smarter. They mate, start the world over. It would be like, total darwin/evolution/amargeddon all wrapped up together.

 

[Marky Lazer]

Marky-please turn at least one of these ideas into a full-fledged story. I will read it! Even better:write a story about fish tarot card characters living in a waterbed.

Feel free to nick the idea, because I won't write those stories.

 

[dustinzgirl]

Feel free to nick the idea, because I won't write those stories.

How about one where the entire point of view is from the dirt? That would be cool.

 

[Marky Lazer]

I had crazier ideas really... One where the protagonist was a dog thurd discussing Voltaire...

I'd better go now

 

[dustinzgirl]

I had crazier ideas really... One where the protagonist was a dog thurd discussing Voltaire...

I'd better go now

OK! I had to read this twice. A dog Turd? My kids would so read that!

My daughter wrote the cutest story about this monster that lived in this girls basement and ate people that the girl did not like. The cool thing was, even though it was very short, Mandy wrote it from the basements perspective.

"Hi. I am Basement, and there is a monser in me."

I loved it.

 

[Marky Lazer]

Whoa! I would so steal that idea!

 

[j d worthington]

OK! I had to read this twice. A dog Turd? My kids would so read that!

My daughter wrote the cutest story about this monster that lived in this girls basement and ate people that the girl did not like. The cool thing was, even though it was very short, Mandy wrote it from the basements perspective.

"Hi. I am Basement, and there is a monser in me."

I loved it.

How old is this kid? And I agree with Marky....

(But then again, that's what I like about kids; the times they think inside the box are often the exceptions....)

 

[dustinzgirl]

How old is this kid? And I agree with Marky....

(But then again, that's what I like about kids; the times they think inside the box are often the exceptions....)

Mandy is 10, she loves to read and write...she is working on Chronicles of Narnia right now, one slow page at a time. She's my little prodigy.

Takes after her mom, she does.

 

[Sketti]

Heh, I had the idea of the tarot card characters myself It was going to be a looooong series and each book would be around one character starting with the Fool and it would be this huge arc that would change the face of Fantasy forever I'm glad I've gotten more mature since although I liked the character that represented the Fool card I may yet use him if nothing else.

How about the story from the point of view of a toy? Or a wine bottle? And there was the idea of the wizard prince who gave an average girl the power to transform into a superheroine so she could stop the spread of democracy and reinstore his rightful reign...

 

[KSeriphyn]

Like, I always thought it would be cool to write a novel only using characters from the tarot cards.

I had a stupid story based on above. It was the fool's journey. I wrote it out and gave it to a friend to ready and the fool ended up being me. She laughed her head off and said, "well luv good try."

So it was back to the drawing board.

xx

KSeriphyn

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

How about the story from the point of view of a toy?

There have actually been quite a few children's classics based on that very idea.

How about the autobiography of a horse? (Oops, that would be Black Beauty, another classic.)

In the end, it's not the idea, it's the way it's developed and used. Where writers go wrong is not in having off-the-wall ideas, but in expecting them to carry an otherwise mediocre effort.

 

[Carolyn Hill]

Well, I wrote the first chapter of a novel where the romantic interest spends a good deal of time as a rock. Yes, I mean that literally: he can turn into a rock and just sit in one place for decades. The first chapter was pretty good; the initial meeting between the two main characters was amusing. But then I got to thinking he would be sort of a dull and boring fellow, or at the very least, excessively philosophical and ruminative, even when he wasn't being a rock, so what, exactly, would the heroine see in him?

I suppose there's something in the idea (some useful metaphor for the stereotypical guy who is unmoveable in his opinions, solid in strength, and unresponsive emotionally). But I put the chapter aside to . . . ruminate on the idea further.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

But then I got to thinking he would be sort of a dull and boring fellow, or at the very least, excessively philosophical and ruminative, even when he wasn't being a rock, so what, exactly, would the heroine see in him?

Surely this would depend on whether his alter-ego was igneous, sedimentary, or metamorphic.

An igneous type might be hot-tempered, but I doubt he'd be boring. And a metamorphic could be full of surprises.

But I have to agree that the last time I dated a chunk of sedimentary rock, the conversations were a bit one-sided.

 

[Mark Robson]

But I have to agree that the last time I dated a chunk of sedimentary rock, the conversations were a bit one-sided.

He was probably still recovering from having the weight of the world on his shoulders. I'm sure if you'd given him more of a chance you would have found he had a very layered personality.

 

[Carolyn Hill]

OK, so maybe there is something there to explode (er, explore). Maybe I'll pull that chapter out of the drawer one of these days.

 

[dustinzgirl]

Well, I wrote the first chapter of a novel where the romantic interest spends a good deal of time as a rock. Yes, I mean that literally: he can turn into a rock and just sit in one place for decades. The first chapter was pretty good; the initial meeting between the two main characters was amusing. But then I got to thinking he would be sort of a dull and boring fellow, or at the very least, excessively philosophical and ruminative, even when he wasn't being a rock, so what, exactly, would the heroine see in him?

I suppose there's something in the idea (some useful metaphor for the stereotypical guy who is unmoveable in his opinions, solid in strength, and unresponsive emotionally). But I put the chapter aside to . . . ruminate on the idea further.

Why not model him, emotionally, after the rock character in never ending story? A caring and kind of simple minded guy?