Stupid Novels You Never Wrote

[Ozymandias]

I’ve had a few risible ideas in my time. I once had an idea for a sort of horror/dark fantasy story that involved a scientist capturing some ancient fairy tale creature in some German forest and hiring a couple of thugs to kidnap children (which the creature fed upon) while he studied the thing. I wanted for the story to be subtle (i.e. slow) and “offbeat”. And I once intended to write a science fantasy epic documenting the history of an ancient Martian empire. It would have been thousands of pages long and at the end the Martians (their planet dying) would have sent a few hundred of their best and brightest to the “blue planet” i.e. earth to continue the race. The sequel (yeah right) would have involved how the Martian refugees set about instructing the primitive species that inhabited the blue planet how to construct a civilization thus explaining how the pyramids arose in different places, thousands of miles apart, and why they were built in warm places (because it’s similar to Martians own climate). Anyway I’m glad for the anonymity of the internet because I would never reveal this to another human being face to face.

 

[Faceless Woman]

A had a dream about a girl who breathed life into her toy animals. The idea was sort of meant to be showing her what it felt like to be a God, watching over the world she had made, and maybe showing readers a little of how God might feel, but then I thought; How many readers is a book about a child and her toys going to have? And, if any, will they be of an age to wonder about the nature of Godhood?
So I didn't.

 

[Dean F. Wilson]

The first novel I wrote, started when I was 11, was a sci-fi/fantasy mix (basically space opera, a la "Star Wars") and was very amateurish, with very stereotypical good guys and bad guys (I even had the main bad guy shoot one of his minions - how evil and non-cliche! ). I even used words spelled backwards to make most of the names, lol.

Anyway, I'm glad I didn't try to get it published (not that it necessarilly would have, but it was okay for that age, and you know how age can be used by publishers/agents as a publicity stunt), but I'm also glad I still have it on disc, as it's interesting to look back over, and it was great practice!

-D

 

[the wild]

now i wrote a few character profiles >> 4 to b exact and i gave them weapons which i drew and evn wrote the first chapter >> about 6 pages whcih seems kinda short but its my story. i played with a few titles but i decided "tales of the elements" because each of the 4 charcters represented an elements and i hoped to do a trilofy or 5 then i could introduce other elements that affect the plot. my first chapter was largely based on the opening of fable which seems copying but it was differant >> i asked my friend becky fleet to read and reveiw it because she is such a great writer and herself she is workin on a book called "the luna journey" it is really good so i think i might recommened this site to her i think at moments she has writers block !!! she sed it is a bit unbeleivable and i used the word "there" a lot or some word like that !!

lovidge chums !!! *the wild*

 

[iansales]

Well, I wrote the first chapter of a novel where the romantic interest spends a good deal of time as a rock.

He could have had a career as a wrestler and film star-- oh, wait...

 

[Dr.Jackson]

Worst thing that I ever wrote was a 54 page script for a sci-fi parody which was WAY too ambitious. Although I had a cast set up for it, of which we were all set to play 4 roles each, it would have been virtually impossible to film. It parodied everything from 2001 to Star Wars, which was just too much to handle, and it would have been a couple of hours long.
Since I wrote it when I was 14, I have the excuse of both idiocy and naivety.

However, now I am working on a number of projects which are moving forward with all the speed of continental drift! Despite plot outlines, character backgrounds, and event ideas, I still seem to have writers block. I'm sure I should give my ideas to other people and let them have a go.