Is it Show or Tell?

[j d worthington]

That's the idea.

 

[yebastick]

Telling: He was nervous.

Showing:

He sat still in the sofa. Head bowed, he stared at his martini, his hands clutched on the glass, his fingers trembling. He raised his eyes to glanced at the wall clock. The ticking loud in the silent room. Minutes passed. More silence.

A knock came.

His hands jerked, and spilled a little of the martini in his pants. He eyed the door, his tongue wetting his lips, not noticing the spilt. He sat still for a few moments, martini at hand, staring at the door.





In my early notes, this is how I first differentiated my showing and telling. Mostly, if I want to create an atmosphere, I show. However, telling has its own strenght: it is brief and concise, and the meaning isn't lost with too much words.


The difficult part is, when to show or when to tell.

 

[argenianpoet]

Telling: He was nervous.

Showing:

He sat still in the sofa. Head bowed, he stared at his martini, his hands clutched on the glass, his fingers trembling. He raised his eyes to glanced at the wall clock. The ticking loud in the silent room. Minutes passed. More silence.

A knock came.

His hands jerked, and spilled a little of the martini in his pants. He eyed the door, his tongue wetting his lips, not noticing the spilt. He sat still for a few moments, martini at hand, staring at the door.





In my early notes, this is how I first differentiated my showing and telling. Mostly, if I want to create an atmosphere, I show. However, telling has its own strenght: it is brief and concise, and the meaning isn't lost with too much words.


The difficult part is, when to show or when to tell.

That's exactly what I know...LOL! I will figure it out, though, over the course of this next project! Thanks for the example; the image is getting clearer now...

 

[Marky Lazer]

Telling: He was nervous.

Showing:

He sat still in the sofa. Head bowed, he stared at his martini, his hands clutched on the glass, his fingers trembling. He raised his eyes to glanced at the wall clock. The ticking loud in the silent room. Minutes passed. More silence.

A knock came.

His hands jerked, and spilled a little of the martini in his pants. He eyed the door, his tongue wetting his lips, not noticing the spilt. He sat still for a few moments, martini at hand, staring at the door.

Hmmm... I don't know, maybe I'm just odd, but I think there's a lot of telling in the showing example...

Edit: Ah, I see what's happening... I was somehow trying to see this in first person... Never mind this post

 

[PenDragon]

The difficult part is, when to show or when to tell.

A couple of people have touched on this, and the issue of showing taking longer than telling.

There may be some drift towards discussion of theme/premise, characterisation, and perhaps plot but to keep things simple you could say that... you show the important stuff and tell the trivial stuff.

The important stuff, in this case, are the scenes in your story. These are the set pieces; fights, chases, love scenes, arguments, character's witnessing something mysterious, etc. This is what the reader is looking for, and it needs to be alive and vivid and draw the reader in so that they forget they're reading.

The tell stuff is "We marched from A to B in a day and a..." or "The Elves of K'ar'K'lettrath'K'latk mountain have a sybiotic relationship with..." or "the shimmering vista reminded him of.." it's the stuff between the vivid scenes where your heroes do kick ass stuff that rocks the world.

I say that the stuff you tell is trivial/less imporatnat, that's not strictly true. Evocative description, interesting new cultures and peoples, world builiding etc all add to the story and your readers experience and some of it is vital, such as "We marched from A to B in a day and a..." if you had to show every step of every journey your characters make it would be a long (and dull) story. Sometimes you just need to get your characters from A to B so they can launch into your next vivid and exciting scene that delevops their characters, furthers the plot and reinforces the theme/premise of your epic.

I've waffled on a bit here, but if I remember correctly there are some writerly jargon terms for "stuff" along the lines of Description (look there's a tree!) Transition (getting characters from A to B) Exposition (explaining how Bob became a Ninja and what the Elves are doing on their mountain) and Narration (vivid and exciting scenes that put readers right in the story).

Nothing in writing is ever simple and the above explation is by no means without flaws. Here are some links to articles on the subject....

Seduction not instruction (part 1)

http://www.writerswrite.com/journal/jun98/keegan9.htm

Seduction not instruction (part 2)

http://www.writerswrite.com/journal/jul98/keegan10.htm

Showing and Telling

http://www.rachelsimon.com/wg_showtell.htm

Show Vs Tell

http://www.mariavsnyder.com/tips/showvstell.php

 

[Brian G Turner]

It's the difference between saying "the weather was hot" and showing the sweat dripping off of the hero's face, the dogs panting in the street. The mere statement of fact comes across as vague and distancing, while more concrete and specific details like the sweating and panting bring the reader right into the scene along with the characters.

I really like this example - it works well.

I've noticed sometimes I try and dump what is effectively chracter background notes into scene and looking back I can see myself going wrong here.

 

[argenianpoet]

Nothing in writing is ever simple and the above explation is by no means without flaws. Here are some links to articles on the subject....

Seduction not instruction (part 1)

http://www.writerswrite.com/journal/jun98/keegan9.htm

Seduction not instruction (part 2)

http://www.writerswrite.com/journal/jul98/keegan10.htm

Showing and Telling

http://www.rachelsimon.com/wg_showtell.htm

Show Vs Tell

http://www.mariavsnyder.com/tips/showvstell.php

Thanks for the information; it was a big help!

 

[bendoran]

This is such a common place were novels can fall down because its so much to do with personal choice. I think though one of the best authors to perfectly show a great balance is david gemmell. now i know some people are probably thinking, really? but if you read gemmell he has some of the most easily accessible characters around. almost ever novel he writes you always end up rooting for th echaracters he wants you too. it is just plain good writing. he balances show and tell really well.

for example - if you read legend, he tells us the old man is druss the legend, deathwalker, the silver slayer. and you think good he must be a bit tough. Then he shows us druss fighting, and he shows druss feeling old, and he shows druss from other people. he shows the battles, but only mentions the startegy. Its balance. you tell the unimportant stuff, and you show the things that matter.


if you have a war story for example you could tell us that the soldiers were rebellious because conditions were bad, morale was low and command shoddy. That could be a paragrpah of back story. OR. If you were telling a war story about individual soldiers you could write an entire novel about life in the trenches were morale was low and command poor and rebellion was in the air. its finding the fulcrum of the story and determining what best to show that really seperates the best books from the worst. I have never read a book that was completely show, but i have read books that were all tell. I remember them from history class, oh and shopping lists

 

[flynx]

He was 6 feet 6 inches tall.
or
He had to duck his head to walk through the doorway.


The afternoon light was fading on Egdon Heath.

or

A Saturday in November was approaching the time of twighlight and the vast unenclosed tract of wilderness known as Egdon Heath embrowned itself, moment by moment (Thomas Hardy; Return of The Native.)


When to show or tell is more difficult. A couple of rules of thumb are: If you have a list it might be better to show. (Height, weight, hair colour etc) If you're excluding the reader it's time to show instead of tell.

 

[steve hampshire]

Hi. I've started a short sci-fi story and I wondered whether there might be someone out there that has done the same and would like to team up with me to give feeback and encouragement(!) on a weekly basis? I live in Spain, in Barcelona.

Steve Slaughter

 

[mosaix]

Hi. I've started a short sci-fi story and I wondered whether there might be someone out there that has done the same and would like to team up with me to give feeback and encouragement(!) on a weekly basis? I live in Spain, in Barcelona.

Steve Slaughter

Hi Steve, lots of people on here write short stories and I'm sure many would be willing to help.

You could post some of your story (don't post it all) on the Critiques sectiion, most of the feedback is friendly and constructive, but I can understand if not everyone is ready for that.

Send me a PM to discuss this further if you like.

BTW - welcome to the Chronicles. Introduce yourself on the 'Intrductions' section to find out just how friendly people are around here.

 

[flynx]

Hi Steve, if you like I could give you a hand with editing, ideas and suchlike. PM me and we can talk.

 

[steve hampshire]

Hi Steve, lots of people on here write short stories and I'm sure many would be willing to help.

You could post some of your story (don't post it all) on the Critiques sectiion, most of the feedback is friendly and constructive, but I can understand if not everyone is ready for that.

Send me a PM to discuss this further if you like.

BTW - welcome to the Chronicles. Introduce yourself on the 'Intrductions' section to find out just how friendly people are around here.

Hi Mosaix,

Many thanks for taking the time and trouble to comment on this! YOur email was friendly so here goes. I'm not sure this text is ready yet though. You should get the attachment which is entitle " The Curse "

Steve