The Weakest Link

[Neo]

(VOICE-OVER) One of these people could win One Million Dollars. But we're going have to work as a team and then vote them off. Blah blah blah. As we play...The Weakest Link!!

B'ELANNA: I'm B'Elanna, Voyager's chief engineer. Beautiful genius.

JANEWAY: I'm Janeway, Voyager's captain. Don't mess with me, Anne!

CHAKOTAY: I'm Chakotay, Voyager's first officer. Please don't vote me off right away.

TUVOK: I'm Tuvok, Voyager's tactical officer. And these other people are toast.

NEELIX: I'm Neelix, Voyager's chef/morale officer. I often make these people toast.

SEVEN: I'm Seven, Voyager's... Whatever it is I do. I sleep with this show's producer, too.

HOST: Good luck, everybody. Let's play... The Weakest Link!!



Round One

HOST: B'Elanna, what is the square root of 120,409?

B'ELANNA: 347.

HOST: Correct! JANEWAY, who was the 3rd President of the United States?

JANEWAY: I don't respond well to History questions...

HOST: Wrong! Chakotay, how do you spell dog?

CHAKOTAY: Um... Er... "D"...No, that's not right. Pass!

HOST: Wrong! Tuvok, who coined the phrase "the needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few"?

TUVOK: Ambassador Spock.

HOST: Correct! Neelix, who invented the Leola Root?

NEELIX: Mr. Leola?

HOST: I'll accept that. Seven, who was the first man to walk on the moon?

SEVEN: Brannon Braga.

HOST: Wrong!

SEVEN: You mean he lied to me??

HOST: And our time is up. Congratulations, team. You managed to bank absolutely positively nothing!

CHAKOTAY: Yahoo!

HOST: You see, Chakotay. The point of the game is to make money.

CHAKOTAY: Oh, well in that case... Poop!

HOST: Okay, team. Time to vote. Which of your teammates is a few dilithium crystals short of a warp core?

(insert canned laughter from the audience)

HOST: Vote off... The Weakest Link!!

(VOICE-OVER): B'Elanna was the strongest link in that round. She answered her question and looked stunning when she did so. Chakotay was the weakest link. He stood there with his finger up his nose.

HOST: Okay, team. Who'd you vote for?

B'ELANNA: Neelix.

JANEWAY: Seven of Nine.

CHAKOTAY: Neelix.

TUVOK: Neelix.

NEELIX: Chakotay.

SEVEN: Janeway.

HOST: B'Elanna, why'd you vote for Neelix?

B'ELANNA: Four words: "A Briefing With Neelix."

HOST: Chakotay, why'd you vote for Neelix?

CHAKOTAY: I meant to vote for Al Gore...

HOST: Neelix, with three votes. You are the weakest link... Goodbye!

(Backstage) NEELIX: I don't know why Tuvok voted for me. The two of us have always been the best of friends. He couldn't possibly still be upset about me making him dance... Could he?

 

[Neo]

ROUND TWO

Round Two

HOST: Okay, team. So far you've banked zero! Remember, that's still bad, Chakotay.

CHAKOTAY: Gotcha!

HOST: We'll start with the strongest link from the last round, that's B'Elanna. Let's play... The Weakest Link!

HOST: B'Elanna, what is the diameter of the planet Jupiter?

B'ELANNA: 88,536 miles.

HOST: Correct! Janeway, who was the leader of the Third Reich?

JANEWAY: Rick Berman.

HOST: Wrong! Chakotay, how many eyes does the average person have?

CHAKOTAY: My name doesn't have any "i"s. So the answer is zero.

HOST: Wrong! Tuvok, who coined the phrase "Beam me up Scotty"?

TUVOK: Um... Scotty?

HOST: Wrong! Seven, which country-western singer is famous for her very large breasts?

SEVEN: I never sang any country songs...

HOST: Wrong! And our time is up! Once again, you twits banked absolutely nothing!

JANEWAY: Bank!!

HOST: Too late, my dear.

JANEWAY: I don't like bullies... And I don't like you!

HOST: Okay team. Time to vote again. Which of these drones is the most pedantic?

(Insert canned laughter from the audience)

HOST: Time to vote off... The Weakest Link!

(VOICE-OVER): B'Elanna was the strongest link for the second round in a row. She's the only one who got a question right. Chakotay was the weakest link in that last round. However, he's gone from picking his nose to scratching his butt. But will the team have noticed?

HOST: Okay. Voting over. Time to announce the results.

B'ELANNA: Tuvok

JANEWAY: Seven of Nine

CHAKOTAY: Tuvok

TUVOK: Chakotay

SEVEN: Janeway

HOST: Janeway, this is the second round in a row that you've voted for Seven. Do you not like her?

JANEWAY: Boy are you sharp!

HOST: Chakotay, why have you voted for Tuvok?

CHAKOTAY: I thought he was the weakest link that time

HOST: Once again, you're wrong. You were the weakest link in that round

CHAKOTAY: Oh. Is it too late to change my vote?

HOST: I'm afraid so. Tuvok, with two votes. You are the Weakest Link... Goodbye!

(Backstage) TUVOK: I can't believe Chakotay has made it this far. He can't even tell the difference between a Cardassian and a Bajoran!

 

[Neo]

wANT ME TO GO ON

 

[Dave]

Neo, that's brilliant! Yet, you say you can't write anything!

 

[Neo]

I did this one day while sitting in a meeting... he he he he

 

[Dave]

You should post it in Fan Fiction. And you must finish it!

 

[Neo]

Will do round three tonight

 

[Dave]

And I'll let you off the hook now about writing something.

You may have started something now though -- in the Stargate FanFic they've already done this, and "Big Brother", we could have that too, and "Who wants to be a Millionaire" -- You had six bars of Gold-pressed latinum... you now have...

 

[Neo]

Hey sounds good to me

 

[Highlander II]

yes Neo - this is funny - and i HATE that show -- it's much better when ppl make fun of it!!

(i'm SO not a big game show fan - the last game show i watched was "Jeopardy" - ST jeopardy could be amusing tho!) --

keep going! this is really good!

 

[Neo]

Round Three
HOST: Okay team, you are still standing there with your big fat goose egg. Let's move on to Round Three. Get ready. And lets play...The Weakest Link!
HOST: B'Elanna, what is the tenth tallest mountain in the world?
B'ELANNA: The Gasherbrum
HOST: Correct! Janeway, who was the first female executed by capital punishment?
JANEWAY: Seven of Nine
HOST: Wrong!
JANEWAY: But then I went back in time and prevented her from being executed.
HOST: I'm sorry, I have to accept your first answer. Chakotay, What species came before Species 8472?
CHAKOTAY: Um....47?
HOST: Wrong! Seven, what was the name of Voyager's only Ocampa crewmember?
SEVEN: Does it matter? She's history, man!
HOST: I'm sorry...We're out of time. Guess how much money you banked, team
CHAKOTAY: Um....47?
HOST: Wrong! Nothing...again! Get ready to make your votes. Who has left their brain in the Badlands?
(Insert canned laughter)
HOST: Time to vote off...The Weakest Link!
(VOICE-OVER): Believe it or not, B'Elanna was the strongest link again! The girl's on fire! Once again, Chakotay was the weakest link. However he kept his hands in his pockets during the round. God knows what he was doing.
HOST: Voting over everybody. Let's see the results
B'ELANNA: Chakotay
JANEWAY: Seven
CHAKOTAY: B'Elanna
SEVEN: Janeway
HOST: Looks like we have a tie. Seven, why have you voted for Janeway?
SEVEN: Because no matter what the J-Team says, I am the star of Voyager.
HOST: Chakotay, once again you were the weakest link. So why have you voted for B'Elanna?
CHAKOTAY: I simply wasn't able to spell Chakotay
HOST: B'Elanna, since you were the strongest link, yet again, you can break the tie. Do you want to stick with Chakotay?
B'ELANNA: I've changed my mind. I choose Seven
HOST: B'Elanna, what made you change your mind?
B'ELANNA: Because that Borg bimbo couldn't keep herself out of my engine room!
HOST: Seven of Nine, with two votes. You are the weakest link... Goodbye!
(Backstage) SEVEN: Captain Janeway will never appear in anything Star Trek related. Lets just say I have a friend who will see to that...

 

[Dave]

So where's round 4?

And no coughing in the audience Branon Braga, giving signals to the correct answers.

 

[markpud]

htis is great Neo, any chance of a round 4??

 

[Dave]

Please finish it, I was really enjoying it, then just cancelled for no reason at all by the studio!!!

 

[Maria8475]

WOW! Neo i don't know how i missed this! It's sooo great. (i have people giving me odd looks cos i'm laughing so hard ). Please please please finish it.

 

[Neo]

sorry will get round to it.. i promise

 

[Dave]

You 'promised' us a picture too, if I remember. Will this be a promise you will keep?

 

[Neo]

Have not forgotten about this... will finish it..

 

[Annette]

Just found this Neo. Tis hilarious. You have to keep going.

Wheres the next round PLEASE!!!!!!!!!


annette

 

[Dave]

I thought you'd posted another part... how disappointing!!