Character Creation Chain

Freesia Samson runs the Hole in One saloon in New Tombstone, the theme park built just outside Phoenix after the Border Wars brought so many military personnel and their families to the area. It's a good job, mostly. She just has to dress up in old-time clothes, sing a few bawdy songs for the tourists slurping down dealcoholized rotgut and ogling the robot dancing girls, and pretend to toss out the actors pretending to be rowdy drunks. Lately, though, the techs have been figuring out ways to make the 'bots do her job. She's been practicing her fast draw, in case she gets a new position at the Showdown Corral. It's all good clean fun, but those soft bullets hurt.

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Iron Arm McCoy
 
Iron Arm McCoy was kicked off his college football team because he kept throwing the ball all the way across the field and hitting people in the stands behind the goal line. The receivers just looked at him like he was some kind of alien. Which he was, but they didn't know that. It was the Earth's low gravity that was the problem, and McCoy just couldn't figure out how to compensate for it. He'd only gotten onto the team in the first place by walking on and completely misunderstanding the rules of the game, which, completely by accident, netted him several interceptions and a touchdown at the first practice.


Jeff Thunder, The Ice Cream Cowboy
 
Jeff Thunder, the Ice cream Cowboy was always a dreamer growing up in a small western silver mining community in southern Arizona.
After a number of moves and failed ventures from being a professional duck herder, to that little mess in Oklahoma when he tried to sell Outlaw Biker magazines to a church full of nuns, Jeff made his way north to Alaska where he worked for a short time at the fish canneries until finally coming up with his wildest idea yet.
Turns out that getting dressed in a Cowboy costume and selling Ice cream to folks in Fairbanks was more lucrative in the summer than the winter time.
But Jeff was never one to easily give up and to this day prides himself on having sold ice cream to some Inuit Indians in the middle of winter.
It is widely believed that Jeff is the love child of one of them UFO abductions and what not...

He might have been less pleased if he knew that the natives used the small ice cream bars to keep bears away from their fishing camps.

:)

Wilber G. Milton III
 
"Next" Sally yelled out.
"Good day Ma'am."
"Good day, umm where is your mom?"
"She is at home Ma'am. Do you require her presence?"
"At home? then what?..let's start at the beginning. Can I help you?"
"Yes ma'am, my name is Wilber G. Milton the third, and I am here to acquire my navigation license."
"How old are you son?"
"I am 12, but I fail to see why that is relevant. I have brought the required paperwork including my test scores and letters of recommend from my instructors."
"12!?, I can't license a 12 year old."
"Well if you can't help me then let me speak to your supervisor." Wilber quickly lowered his hand realizing he was once again straightening his bowtie.


Francis Francine
 
Francis Francine was a Burlesque Queen. She might be a He. He might be a She; but the minx stacked the house, every night SheHe was out.

Francis danced in a boa; I can't tell you mohra. Francine made a fair fortune from tips and some fees.

The Rounders all knew that they just had to say, "Please."

(and, well...you know... have plenty of cash at hand)

****

Quarm, The Befuddled
 
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Quarm, The Befuddled. You'd be well advised to have a good insurance policy, an impressive armoury and a fast track to somewhere else at hand if you ever find yourself in the same galactic sector as this tornado. One could call him an accomplished, highly rated assassin (he certainly does get his targets), but his collateral damage might put the lie to that. He is, after all, the reason the Greater Magellanic Cloud is now just the "Magellanic Cloud".

The Cenulaba
 
The Cenulaba

A rather mean and crotchety old troll that inhabits the main through-fare between the kingdoms of Asprin and Allboon. He is know to eat people that smell to clean or anyone that doesn't run away fast enough.

The Silver Fox
 
Silver Fox is old. He used to try to get at Grandfather's hens, when Grandfather was a boy.

He tells us kids. "I hate that fox. I nearly got him once." He leans in close, whispers. "Cornered him one morning, and whacked him with a stick."

We all gasp.

"Never got his hands on any your hens, did he love?" Grandmother asks.

"Grandmother, foxes have paws. Not hands!" We giggle.

She tousles our silver hair, smiles to herself. Grandfather grumbles, he gets sad like this sometimes.

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Steve 'The Space Jockey' Foster
 
Steve built his own spaceship one summer, and took off. He told folks he was going to Hoboken, but really he headed off towards Saturn, where he knew a few people. People he had met in his dreams, nightmares actually, but true friends, he thought, preferable to his earthly chums. Sure enough when he arrived at Saturn, there they were, his dream monster-buddies, all green and ichory and alien. Steve was soon turned into an alien Saturnian monster himself and he never looked back and life was good and the Earth was forgotten and he frolicked like only a Saturnian monster can do and it was wonderful, and nice, for a long long time, and then he suddenly woke up screaming in an Arcturian torture-cell on planet Zthorgon 37-Q and well you know the rest.

Malvoleoleo the Dark Landlord
 
Malvoleoleo the Dark Landlord sneered at the fire-breathing dragon inside the apartment. Fizzlestone the Wizard cowered behind the fearsome beast. "Nice try," Malvoleoleo said, "but the lease clearly says 'no pets.'"

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Audrey LaRue
 
Audrey LaRue was the alias of a Krendak smuggler that never fully mastered the common tongue. What she did master was the illudium pu 39 space modulator, which she acquired after a taudry and rather shameful night with a drunken martian named Marvin and three strange birdlike minions.

After misusing the modulator to blow up a planet Solgon the Sanidarian put a price on her head that was so high she had to hide her ship and live on a tiny backwater planet called Earth.

To blend in she was forced to claim France as her background. She's stuck working as a software technician for a computer company. But Audrey is planning her next heist and we're sure it will be a bang up job!

* * * * * * * * *

Galdar and Pebbles.
 
Galdar and Pebbles:

Galdar was the son of a bumbling alchemist, who instead took after his mother's grandfather, who was a cooper. Galdar became handy with a hand axe, making barrels and buckets, which was handy when he was drafted in to the local lord's militia. His practiced arm and courage got him notice. He was not of noble blood so knighthood wasn't a possibility. However, he became a messenger for the local lord's forces during the Three Creeks War, which endured for nearly four years. His record of service lasted until the last day of the war, when he and his mount, Pebbles, were ambushed by enemy troops and slain mere hours before the cessation of hostilities.

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Virgil 'Worm Gut' Williams
 
We all hated old Worm Guts Williams, our fifth grade English teacher. One day Billy McDougal found out his first name was Virgil. We spent the rest of the day making fun of that. "Oh Virgil!" we'd yell at each other in a fluttering falsetto, then collapse into giggles.

I should have known that would come back to haunt me. A few years later, in Beginning Latin, I had to translate one of the easier section of the Aeneid. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as the teacher told me to "work on your Virgil," I couldn't stop laughing. I had to spend a week in detention. That gave me plenty of time to plan my revenge on old Worm Guts. That wasn't the best idea I ever had, seeing how it all came out. That's why I'm in this cell right now.

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Loretta Mollit
 
Loretta Mollit carries two six shooters, each one holstered on either side of her broad hips. A scarf is tied around her neck, a wide-brimmed hat hides her face in darkness. A tall man in dark clothes stands twenty paces across from her, a toothless grin beneath a bushy moustache. One meaty hand rests on a pistol at his side.

Just as he draws his pistol a sharp report cuts the air and his arm stops mid-draw. A hole opens up in his chest where his heart is, a few inches away from the deputy badge pinned to his vest. Blood begins pouring forth from the wound. Loretta Mollit twirls her six shooter around one finger, drops it into its home at her side. The man twenty paces away falls to the ground, limp and lifeless, still clutching his pistol.

Loretta's eyes flash red beneath the shade of her hat. Humans, she thinks. Now it's time to get the hell outa' Dodge.

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Toby "The Mad dog" Sykes
 
Toby "The Mad Dog" Sykes was a enforcer for the notorious Kray twins during the early 1960's. His violent work, which he enjoyed more than most of his fellow thugs, hence his nickname, took him all over England, as the Krays loaned him out to other gangsters, who appreciated his talent for persuasion. One evening in Liverpool he caught a performance by a new quartet at a cheap dive. It changed his life. Under a new name, which will not be revealed here, his became a major voice in the Merseyside sound. You can still hear some of his hits on oldies stations.

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Alice Jerkins
 
Alice Jerkins made jerkins from the hides of Jaguars, on Jose Jiminez' jute farm in Jamaica, and she was jolly proud of her work. Sleeved, sleeveless, half-sleeved, all of Alice's jerkins brought joy to anyone who donned them. There is no more to be said at this juncture; anyone wishing to purchase a Jamaican jerkin should search on the internet for Jerkin's jerkins.

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Vic Timorous
 
Vic Timorous was a man of many talents, most of them unmentionable in polite society which is just as well that he never travelled in such circles. The fact that he moved around in any society whatsoever instead of being found floating in some scum crusted dock was considered by many to be a miracle. All those that knew him tolerated his presence out of necessity. He was one of those that would do, instead of could do. Let's face it, we all need those sorts at some dark points in our lives.

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Algernon Goosewhimple
 
Lance Corporal James MacReady, younger son of R.J. MacReady, the only man to survive the attack of a hideous extraterrestrial being in the Arctic village of Nookonono, and the only man to ever climb the Devil's prong in Southeastern Estakia, was best known for diving into a tank full of Gnasher eels, to save several drowning babies and an epileptic dog, and commonly referred to as J. 'Big liar' MacReady, was indeed, always ready, or so he claimed, though he was due to show up here, for this interview, but instead we will now cut to the life story of someone possibly far more interesting, and reliable, namely:

Paula Blitton-Cosmoid
 
Paula Blitton-Cosmoid of the Blitton-Cosmoid's from New Market Snodberry Orbital Platform had more chits than she could count. Indeed the Blitton-Cosmoids, of whom Paula was the eldest and of marriagable age, were so rich that they hadn't invented a term for the number. As such, due to Paula's emminent position as potential heiress to the family fortune, she had more suitors than they had courses at Sunday dinner. It was such a pity though that she had a laugh like a neutron star locomotive and a tendency to whistle 'Good old new blighty is here again' at the most inappropriate of times.
 
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