Fantasy story beginnings

[chrispenycate]

Which Terry do you mean, Chris? I can think of three - although in one case the catsuit would be made of leather.

The pTerry is Mr. Pratchett, (the "p" is silent, as in swimming pool) so called after "Pyramids", and the handmaiden pTracy.

 

[Toby Frost]

All makes sense, but Noah's Arc?

 

[chrispenycate]

The animals went in twoby two or since it's an arc, rather than an ark, went round to avoid being electrocuted. (I suppose OT can't do much harm to this thread.)

 

[rozordermit]

Hmm, that's really a good story. I have enjoyed a lot while reading this.

 

[HareBrain]

To paraphrase Harry Hill, I like Rozerdemit (one post, which was in this thread) and I like Rozordermit (one post, which was in this thread). But which is better ...? Etc.

 

[The Judge]

Not to mention rozoord who also apparently enjoyed a lot while reading.

 

[anthorn]

The same person and perhaps the OP?
Who knows.

 

[The Judge]

Not particularly inventive, nor subtle, if so. Though it does bring the otherwise-buried thread up which may be the intent.

 

[Brian G Turner]

rozoord and rozordermit have left the building...

 

[Ursa major]

A roz by any other name....


I believe that the P in Psmith is also silent (at least according to PG Wodehouse's character of that ilk).

 

[HareBrain]

The same person and perhaps the OP?

Not particularly inventive, nor subtle, if so.

The multiplicity of similar usernames is pretty hamfisted, but if it is the OP, it fooled me -- why would the OP query his/her elf character turning into a panther, and why make out that s/he can't spell "unable"?

But if not the OP, then ... why? Why create three user accounts just to resurrect someone else's thread? It's really annoying me that I will never know the answer.

 

[Mouse]

Maybe it is the OP just trying to be tricksy and confuse us all with their mild criticism.

 

[The Judge]

C'mon guys. We're fantasy writers. We can do better than this.

It's an MI5 agent secretly communicating with his/her superiors.

It's a blackmailer sending messages to the victim.

It's ET calling home.

 

[Ursa major]

It's the rozzers...?










(I know: OP-less. )

 

[Toby Frost]

I suggest the following: comments have been made that the second part of the original post resembles a D&D session. Roz and Roz2 are in fact fellow members of the poster's gaming group who have turned up to check that their characters are not being done a massive disservice. You did what to my elf?

Alternatively they are separate incarnations of the OP, checking to work out which reality is which.

 

[Ursa major]

So they're elfen safety inspectors. Of course!

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

I just had to go through this thread, and I almost burst out laughing at one point, I'm sorry to say. Grammar and punctuation looked fine, but as was mentioned before this read just like a DnD module, and the very end of it, listing a language translation?



I think it's time to go back to the drawing board, I'm sorry to say. In the very least, lose the footnote. There's better, more subtle ways to provide language translation than to put in a distracting, story-breaking footnote. In the very least, leave a glossary that's not to be viewed until the end, and don't put the footnote numbers in.

 

[Toby Frost]

For what it's worth I don't think the original story was the utter crap it's been suggested to be. That said I don't think it would sell today either, even if it were perfectly written: its main flaw is that it feels like generic fantasy of 10-20 years ago and has all the trappings of a bland D&D module-style world. The original poster needs to read modern fantasy to see how conventions have changed (and ditch the footnotes). There are also issues with plot holes, mary sues/characterisation and simple selection of what is being posted (how does the last section relate to the rest?). These are not insurmountable, and while there's a lot about it that could be improved, the actual writing is not worse than a fair number of things posted on this board.

So yes, back to the drawing board in terms of saleability, but no, not a total write-off.

 

[chopper]

agreed, toby. as a generic adventure this reads ok. the point being that nobody wants to be generic.

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

agreed, toby. as a generic adventure this reads ok. the point being that nobody wants to be generic.

That's not ENTIRELY true, I don't think, but generic fantasy DOES seem to be dying. Despite my diehard stubborn refusal to introduce any kind of gun weapon into my worlds-not even a 14th centure flintlock rifle-even I am drifting away from the ancient standards of D&D S&S fantasy. Tolkein might be rolling in his grave over such statements, but I do-grudgingly-admit that times are changing and tastes with them. So I've introduced interplanetary travel and certain technological upgrades to my worlds, but the basis still remains the same. Weapons of Middle/Feudal ages and magic for the most part.


I suppose where my difference lies are in the worlds and the creatures inhabiting them. I'm STILL proud of my chimeric monster creation of what I call "akuntas".