The Carnival

[Malloriel]

No offence taken. ^_^ I'm just happy to produce what I can, and if I have even a select handful of people who enjoy reading it then I've done my job right, so long as I've also done it to the very best of my abilities and worked very hard to achieve anything near my potential.

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

midway games, as sinful enticement made a curiosity of the pavilions.

I get that your trying to use this wonderful line somewhere other than it's original place. However, I don't think it works here. I quite liked it in it's original setting as in a stare out that's so easily what can happen. Suddenly things that you wouldn't normally notice become the object of deep distraction.

an area entirely removed from the public's playground, where stood two dreary tents quietly ignoring her.

I get that your trying to give the carnival a life of it's own however, this is to passive for me and sets itself against your goal.

How about

stood two tents deliberately ignoring her.

Sorry just realised the time -you distractress you - will have to leave it there for know

Obviously please ignore the above if you want. I should really be locked up for my own good but they haven't realised that yet or they probably think it's not worth it given the short time we all have left.

 

[Malloriel]

About the "quietly ignoring" comment:

To say that they deliberately ignore her is to imply they care enough about her presence to snub her intentionally. To quietly ignore is to dispassionately take no notice of her at all, and that's more the feeling I was attempting to get across.

You'll just have to remember how well I play the distractress before you come playing in my threads again. ^_^ I swear I'll make them even more tempting and time consuming than ever from this point forward. BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

[MistingWolf]

Creepy! >.> But in one of the best ways! Very, very good! ^.^ Can't wait to read more!