A.S.H: rewrite of the first chapter

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blairWitcher

Resident Soultaker
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All my life I've always made and pictured out fant
I renamed its title and placed the corrections and refined some points suggested by Mr. Chrispenycate and Mr. Aspheron. A million thanks to you guys for your criticisms.


SOULTAKERS
and
the Prisms of Madness



CHAPTER ONE:TOLLING BELLS AND GHOST LEGENDS

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[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Night silently approaches. Slowly, a full moon rises like a silvery, haunting orb amidst a swirling mass of dark clouds, projecting on the horizon like the strange, penetrating eye of an unknown prowling animal – cold, calculating...sinister – as it glows radiantly across the starless skies. Below, a soft, slow-moving breeze begins to blow silently into a thick mossy forest lying near the fringes of the slopes of a steep and rugged mountain along the border lands of Crow,disturbing the stillness of the night air as it gently rustles the leaves and branches of wild shrubs and trees on its path. At the topmost branch of a coniferous tree, a large barn owl stretches and flaps its brown wings, staring on the vast dimness of the forest with its amber eyes. With the patience and instinct of a natural born hunter, It scans the dark outlines of the terrain while listening for the slightest scuffles of a small, unsuspecting prey. Suddenly, It lets out a loud hoot which echoed across the sleeping land; Its voice joining the eerie croaks and wild, guttural sounds of other nocturnal creatures. Together, It resembles a strange, musical mater piece with a hidden unfathomable mystery – a dark symphony played by an invisible, ghostly orchestra.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]But the ambient sounds of the forest are disturbed, all of a sudden, by a timely, mournful tolling of a rusty herald bell perching atop a tall, ruined tower at the center of a small, abandoned village nearby. According to folks and gossip tellers, this reputed “ghost town” is, by far, a real mystery among most bizarre places abounding the realm for not only is its location “erased”, ten years ago, on the maps and charts of traders and travelers, but its name and reputation is popular among the strange tales and haunted legends inspired by many of Crow's talented bards and artistic tale singers of the present – the cursed village of Hunter's Cove.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]According to one legend, this ill-fated place was once a small, yet lively and boisterous, settlement of forest trappers and hunters whose livelihood depended on hunting and trapping small and big game, especially bears and badgers, at the forest of Fern near the northeast borders of Crow. It was told that one fine evening, as the simple and frugal, not to mention drunk, villagers were dancing round bonfires and feasting on good ale and venison in celebration of the start of bear hunting season, an evil spirit, represented on most bardic versions as a “cloaked figure wearing an evil looking, demon mask”, appeared like mist from the darkness and entered the open gates of the merry, unsuspecting village. Dawn came the next day and the village woke up for the day's hunt as the tired, happy men picked up their snares, bolts and crossbows and kissed their sated wives and damsels goodbye as they ventured forth, with their dogs and hawks,into the depths of the dense forest. The day ended with nothing strange or unusual happening inside or outside the settlement. Everything was normal and no one reported having seen or heard of anything peculiar or mysterious. At sunset, the men returned to the village in a jubilant mood after a bountiful hunt, swapping jokes and exchanging compliments as they carried their spoils and dead trophies on large meat sacks. Outside, the sun began to sink beyond the fading contours of the western plains, bathing the western skies with crimson streaks and orange flashes into its evening sanctuary. [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Then it began. As the full moon ascended to the darkening heavens, the sleeping village was suddenly awakened by the echoing tolls of the herald bell. Never, in the history of the village, had an event like this ever happened before and so the amazed and unsuspecting inhabitants took their oil lamps, left their beds and the doorsteps of their cabins and made their way towards the bell's direction to investigate the matter. On and on the bell rang, puzzling the people who soon found out, moments later, that nobody was swinging it. It was as if an invisible hand was pulling on its ropes and shaking it to and fro. Just as it has finished its thirteenth toll, the possessed bell suddenly stopped on its own and was followed by an uncanny silence far louder than the sounds it made, smothering the evening in a complete and uneasy stillness that not even a small puff of wind blew. The people, witnessing the strange event, held their breaths in anticipation, waiting for another strange event to happen.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Suddenly, a thick, dense fog appeared into the air, enveloping the whole town and its people with its suffocating and condensed vapors.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]It was then that the horror struck. Out of the thick blankets of the deathly fog came a horrible creature that cried an ear-splitting, tormented shriek no animal known in beast lore was capable of doing. Without warning, it attacked the defenseless village, killing and ripping anyone and anything it seized in a matter of seconds. On that terrifying night, Hunter's Cove was reduced to a sea of decapitated bodies and dismembered human limbs bathed in blood, along with the dying shouts and pitiful screams of its doomed inhabitants. [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]As daylight approached the following day, The village was no longer a living settlement – it was now a silent graveyard near the edge of a forest. Death and destruction was lying in every corner of its bloody streets and battered walls. No trace of a fog or a monster was ever recorded.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Two days later, a fatally wounded straggler in tattered robes was found lying helplessly on a riverbank a few leagues away from the damned settlement by a traveling merchant. According to him, the man died a few minutes later after he was found. He lived long enough to give the terrified merchant an incomplete recount of the events that happened, shouting the words "The Beast " and "The Bells took them" before he died. [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]News of the sudden unexplainable fate of Hunter's Cove spread across the neighboring cities and towns.A serious deliberation followed, a week after the incident of Hunter's Cove,and the High Council of Crow decided that nobody should set foot anywhere near the village or hunt in the forest surrounding it. Many disobeyed the Council's orders and treated the shocking news mildly. Dozens of raiders, merchants and treasure seekers poured into the abandoned village by day, searching its ruined cabins and halls for gold and other valuables. None of those who entered the walls ever made it out alive the next morning and the rumors of the creature residing on Hunter's Cove were proven to be true.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]I[/FONT][FONT=Arial, sans-serif]t was then that the council imposed another decree: The Village of Hunter's Cove shall be excluded from all current maps and charts of Crow and all forms of travel towards that place is banned upon penalty of a 3 year imprisonment. All map makers around the country followed the decree and none dared to venture forth into the abandoned village – ever. Since then, the deserted village of Hunter's Cove existed only in tales and stories sang by minstrels and bards on town squares and taverns...[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]It has been ten years... but the Herald Bell of Hunter's Cove is still tolling,at night, as a full moon rises on the evening sky... followed by a deathly fog and the horrible, tormented wails of the creature that comes with it... searching for another living prey to satisfy its craving for death and blood... [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]But tonight is an exception. On the shattered dwellings and ghostly halls of this place, Another story shall begin...[/FONT]

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As the echoes of the herald bell resound across the torn village, a lone figure,silhouetted by the shadows of the clouds hovering slowly in front of the glowing moon, slowly walks across the dusty cobbled streets towards the direction of the tower. As a soft gust of cold, unnerving wind blows a cloud of dust from the ground, the clouds covering the moon begin to glide away, causing a beam of moonlight to escape and illuminate the shadowy figure to be that of a tall, young man, probably in his twenties, wearing a long, black coat made from fine wolf's fur and a pair of travel worn, black boots. Despite the youthfulness in age and appearance, He has a serious, calculating look in his face like a seasoned soldier preparing to face a raging battlefield. He had an eye patch covering his left eye and a long thin scar runs along his left cheek. He wears a pair of brown hunting gloves and dangling on his waist are two gun holsters holding a pair of sleek, silver revolvers. Seeing this man walking silently into the moonlight makes an impression of an assassin surveying a target and is waiting for the right opportunity to strike it with a single, fatal blow. His name is Albert Stine – and he is a third level Soul Taker working on a strike-to -kill mission from the Academy for Soul Hunting and Erasing Studies based in Crow's capital, FORGE CITY. His objective is simple: destroy the horrible creature of Hunter's Cove by all means.

ASHES, as the institution was called, is an Elite school, specializing in the use of special soul weapons and advanced “spiritual arts”, built for the sole purpose of training people that possess the unique capability of releasing and manipulating “spiritual energy” into the arts of demonic and soul eradication, turning them into a unique fighting force capable of countering and destroying these corrupted beings – giving birth to the so called Soul takers.

Meanwhile, as he is a few feet away from the front doors of the herald's tower, Albert Stine stops from his tracks and gazes momentarily at the edge of the roof of a large, old, crumbling building opposite the bell that was once used by the dead inhabitants as a storehouse for grain and other supplies for the winter. Sighing, he takes a silver watch from an inside pocket of his coat and looks at its working hands and gleaming numbers with a sign of irritation. It is nearly time.

“He's late again - as usual.” Albert grumbles to himself as he replaces the watch back on the pocket of his coat and squints his eyes to the night skies, searching and looking for something – or someone – that should have been sitting at the edge of that storehouse's roof by now.

Suddenly, a black raven with a yellow streak running at the front of its head, lands at the roof of the storehouse and caws noisily at him as it flexes its wings like a triumphant marathon runner winning his first, hard fought race.

“Your noisy and late as usual.” Albert calls out to the bird, taking a cigarette and a lighter from another coat pocket. He lights the cigarette with the lighter and placed the filter end to his lips. “The school would do me a big favor if they team me up with someone quieter for a change.” he adds smugly as he blows a puff of smoke from his lips and replaces the lighter on his pocket.

But the bird is gone. Sitting in its place is another young man wearing a yellow bandanna on his forehead and a nasty grin on his face. Unlike Albert Stine, this man is shorter with black tattoos spreading across his well – muscled arms. He is wearing an assassin's sleeveless, leather jacket and lying on the scabbard at his back is a long thin blade with a raven's head carved at the end of the handle.

“You know with that attitude of yours, it never puzzles me why you never had a girlfriend.” The man on the roof said as he rolls his eyes at his colleague below, smirking.

In an instant,Stine disappears from the ground and,in a blink of an eye, is standing at the back of his companion, a smile forming on his lips as he blew another puff of smoke.

"And with an attitude like yours, it never surprises me why your dear old father calls you “Cawie” in front of everybody. I can't blame him, can I? Felix Cross,” Albert said coolly as the man named Felix Cross scratches the back of his head thickly.

Meanwhile the bell strikes its thirteenth toll. The right moment finally arrives.
 
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(continuation...)

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On top of the tower, the resonating bell stops swaying. As an eerie silence slowly replaces the fading mournful echoes, Albert Stein slowly removes his guns from their holsters and begins to check the bullets placed on each of its revolving cylinders. At the same time his partner, Felix Cross, stands up and, in one swift motion, unsheathes his blade from its scabbard, swinging it high above his head before bringing it down in front of him. Both men are wearing serious faces now as they prepared themselves and their weapons for an upcoming clash.

On the ground, a heavy fog is starting to appear out of nowhere, flooding the streets and wrecked cabins in white swirls of thick mist. The show is about to begin.

The-night-mist-large.jpg
“So what are you thinking?” Felix asks Stine as he stares blankly into the fog, no longer grinning.

“According on my personal investigation awhile ago. I think, were dealing with a Class-B demon that could cloak itself in the fog, using it both as a shield and weapon at the same time.”Albert Stine replies as he chucks away his burnt cigarette into the fog.

“So all we've got to do is lure it out to attack and kill it before it could hide itself back on the fog. Isn't it?” says Cross in a seriously dead voice.

“But the problem is how to do it, my friend. I may be able to sense its presence but I won't be able to anticipate its attacks.” Stein adds as he levels his pistol into an aiming position. “and speaking of its presence, I can feel it moving slowly towards us from the north.”

All of a sudden, A loud shriek similar to a hundred, agonizing wails erupts in the air and then, slowly, the creature's snakelike eyes begin to appear out of the fog, staring hungrily at the two. Then, without any warning, it fires a volley of long, piercing quills that travel in the air like arrows towards the direction of both men. With lightning-quick reflexes, Albert Stine aims his guns at the incoming attack and fires a barrage of his own. The bullets met each zooming quill halfway in midair, knocking all of them off course and neutralizing their deadly flight path.

Meanwhile, Felix Cross takes a yellow paper tag with strange symbols written across it from a pouch on his jacket.He, then, mutters a series of strange words under his breath and throws it in front of him. In a dazzling flash, the paper ignites and turns into a tongue of flame that glides threateningly in the air. He then plunges the tip his blade on the heart of the fire and shouts:


“Spirits residing on the flames of Dragnir,
burst forth and burn the chilling winds
I call upon thee – Elemental Art: Dragon's Breath​


At these words, the flame turns into a huge wave of sulfuric fire and shoots at the fog below, burning the ground and anything it touches.

“did I get him?” Felix mutters, as Albert reloads his pistols.

The answer came suddenly in the form a loud angry, wail. The creature is still alive.
 
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I love it. !!! Really, please post more *grins*

I like Stine. He sounds like the sexy bad boy I would fall for LoL

:p

You still have some same errors as before :p
 
Yo knew I was going to do this.

As a soft gust of cold, unnerving wind blows a cloud of dust from the ground, the clouds covering the moon begin to glide away,
repetition of "cloud"
causing a beam of moonlight to escape and illuminate the shadowy figure
"revealing it to be"? or remove the "to be that"?
to be that of a tall, young man, probably in his twenties, wearing a long, black coat made from fine wolf's fur and a pair of travel worn, black boots.

Despite the youthfulness in age and appearance,
no capital "H"
He has a serious, calculating look in his face like a seasoned soldier preparing to face a raging battlefield. He had
has; and consider just 'patch' to avoid the repetition of "eye"
an eye patch covering his left eye and a long thin scar runs along his left cheek.

He wears a pair of brown hunting gloves and
comma; and "dangling is sort of - floppy - for heavy weapons
dangling on his waist are two gun holsters holding a pair of sleek, silver revolvers. Seeing this man walking silently into the moonlight makes an
"gives the impression"?
impression of an assassin surveying a target and is
no "is"
waiting for the right opportunity to strike it with a single, fatal blow.

His objective is simple: destroy the horrible creature of Hunter's Cove by all means.
any means?
Albert Stine stops from
stops in his tracks, or from his pacing?
his tracks and gazes momentarily at the edge of the roof of a large, old, crumbling building opposite the bell
belltower?
that was once used by the dead inhabitants as a storehouse for grain and other supplies for the winter.

Albert grumbles to himself as he replaces the watch back on the pocket of his coat
with "replaces" you don't need "back"
You're
noisy and late as usual.” Albert calls out to the bird, taking a cigarette and a lighter from another coat pocket. He lights the cigarette with the lighter and placed
places
the filter end to his lips.

The man on the roof said
says
as he rolls his eyes at his colleague below, smirking.

is standing at the back of his companion, a smile forming on his lips as he blew
blows
another puff of smoke.

I can't blame him, can I? Felix Cross
I can't blame him, can I, Felix Cross?
begins to check the bullets placed on
in?
each of its revolving cylinders.

Both men are wearing serious faces now as they prepared
prepare
themselves

“According on my personal investigation awhile ago.
no full stop
I think, were
we're
dealing with a Class-B demon that could
can
cloak itself in the fog, using it both as a shield and weapon at the same time.”
do you really need that "at the same time"?
can
hide itself back on
in
the fog

and
comma
speaking of its presence, I can feel it moving slowly towards us from the north.”

The bullets met
meet
each zooming quill halfway in midair,

The answer came
comes
suddenly in the form a loud angry, wail

Some tendency to drift back into past tense
 
(continuation...)


“So... what do we do now, smart ass?” Cross asks Stein as he shifts his blade to his right hand. “It seems like the ******* is immune to elemental – based arts.” He adds.


Then another wave of deadly quills shoot towards them from another direction, its aim pointing directly at Cross


“HIYAH!”Cross shouts as he unleashes a flurry of slashes and parries that blur in the air, deflecting and slicing them before they could hit any part of his body.


“This sucker is toying us!” Cross angrily mutters as he deflects another attack, this time, coming from the opposite direction of the former.


Meanwhile, Stein finishes reloading his weapons. He spins both the cylinders of the two guns and snaps them back in place.


“We need to lure that thing out of the fog and make it attack us in close combat.”He says quietly as he takes a yellow, paper tag, similar to the ones used by Crow, from a small bag on his waist and begins to mutter an incantation.


Then another barrage from the relentless creature comes - now aiming for Stein.


With the quickness of a cat, Cross dashes towards Stein, leaps into the air and, with one swift stroke, slices all the quills before they can come any closer. At the same time, Stein crumples and throws the yellow paper high above him and said:


“Winds of the four Keepers,
Estherus, Windri, Suthus and Nuthrum,
Unleash thy power from the skies – Elemental art: Circling winds”



At once, the yellow paper explodes tremendously in the air and gusts of ferocious, icy wind come out from the explosion and rapidly encircles the entire roof of the storehouse, creating a powerful barrier outside it.


The creature on the fog suddenly attacks, trying to penetrate the barrier that Stein made. But the barrier proves to be impenetrable as the deadly hail of quills bounced off course the moment it touches it's surface.


Again and again it tries, shooting and attacking from different, random directions. But the barrier of wind has no openings and blind spots and all its attacks simply bounce and fall from it like pebbles thrown on a solid, concrete wall.


Then, It screams out a long, piercing wail from the fog – the creature is getting mad from its failing efforts.


“Good thinking.” Cross compliments as he sheathes his blade back to its scabbard and sighs with relief. “I'm getting tired of all this hide-and-seek business. Now it can't attack us without leaving its hiding place.” He adds.​
 
Nice, nice, nice... *nods and smiles*

You still need to let Chris suggest a better version for a bit of your grammar *grins*
 
(continuation...)

“Don't put your guard down.” Stine says seriously on his companion. “the whole thing is still far from over.”


Outside the barrier, a weird silence begins to fall all over the mist - shrouded battlefield


“Oh give me a break, Al.” Cross replies, grinning at the look on his friend's face. “Look. It's no longer attacking us. It's probably giving up after seeing its needles bouncing off . There's no need to worry.”


“Ive always known your such an arrogant, brainless dunderhead, Cross” Stine says as he silently stares at the fog swirling outside the barrier he had conjured.


“Hey! You should be thanking me right now for saving your ass back there!” Cross says angrily as he folds his arms on his chest and faces Stine.


“Save my ass from what?” Stein asks blankly, though his face is still serious.


“Oh your the meanest,most disgusting and ungrateful partner Ive ever worked with!” Cross shouts,spraying droplets of spit on Stine's face. “And, by the way, I'm not BRAINLESS! May I ask how the heck would that thing strike at us without piercing a hole through that barrier? You, of all people,should know that -

“BOOOM!”


His words are cut short by a sudden explosion erupting at the other side of the roof, sending debris of shattered pieces of wood and broken roof tiles flying on the air.


“****!” Cross swears as he draws his blade impulsively,looking startled. At the same moment, something huge leaps out amidst the hovering swarm of dust caused by the explosion and lands with a thud on the surface of the roof . The creature may not be powerful enough to drill its way through a second degree elemental barrier, but It is powerful enough to break through the roof from below.


“Now does that answer your question?” Stine silently replies as he aims the barrels of both guns at the cursed being that landed in front of them.


The creature is an awful sight. Standing at about 12 feet tall and probably weighing a few pounds heavier than a full grown Fernian black bear, It has a reptilian head sporting three, evil-looking eyes, two slits for a nose and a wide mouth sporting razor-sharp fangs. Its big, lizard like body is covered in random slabs of a thick, bony armor running from its spine. Its arms and legs are heavily muscled, indicating inhuman strength, and Its dagger – like, poisonous claws are deadly enough to slash the life out of any living creature. Suspended on the lower back part of its body, a serpentine tail covered in quills is swaying dangerously, ready to lash and shoot its quills at any given moment. The rumored creature that destroyed Hunter's Cove finally comes out from the mist that cloaks it.


Suddenly, without any feeling of fear or hesitation,the creature violently screams in anger and rushes forward like a mad, raging bull,raising its claws and ready to rip anything it reaches.


“Brace yourself! It's coming!” Stine bellows, at the same time,firing a ferocious volley of bullets at the onrushing monster as Cross shifts his weight on his left leg,assumes an assassin's defensive,fighting stance and levels his sword in a thrusting position, preparing himself for a close-quarter combat with the terrifying abomination.
 
Perfect perfect!!! COme on!!! Continueeee!!!!! *gets hiked up*
 
(continuation...)

With uncanny, demonic speed, the creature dashes from side to side, dodging and evading the murderous bullets flying towards it. Stine's shots hit nothing but the walls of wind composing the barrier that encircles them


Suddenly the creature pounces high in the air and lashes its tail, sending a hail of quills raining towards them.


In a flash, both men leap and roll out of range as the quills skewer and shatter the tiles off the roof.


Then, In a swift, catlike motion, Felix sprints forward and leaps high towards the creature, aiming for a fatal stab on the creature's midsection.


In a blink of an eye, a shower of green blood spills on the air, smearing Felix's face, as his blade lodges perfectly into its target, impaling the creature with its full length.


At once, the creature wailing in agony, grabs Felix by the shoulder attempting to throw him down, face forward, towards the roof's surface.


But Felix is gone, In a split second, Felix shape shifts into a raven and slips sneakily away from the deadly grasp of the creature. At the same time, Stine swiftly slides and places himself directly below the monster, emptying the cylinders of his guns at the creature suspended above him.


More greenish blood spills from the creature as the deadly wave of bullets rip on its skin and pierce its armor and vital parts, making it jerk and squirm in an erratic dance of death as it descends toward the ground.


Meanwhile, Cross lands back on the roof and transforms to himself just as Stine dashes out of the falling creature's way. Running swiftly, he takes another Seal tag from his pouch, crumples it on his fist while, at the same time,shouting:


Yield to me, Shiva, Goddess of the frozen mountains
release the power of the fiercest cold
strike and freeze – Elemental Art: Freezing Fists

A wave of , blue light rapidly envelopes his hands. Then, Cross somersaults into the air and punches the rapidly descending creature on the head with his shimmering knuckles.


“Gotcha!” He exclaims as sheets of ice rapidly engulfs the falling monster, starting from its head downward. In a matter of seconds, It completely encloses upon the creature making it look like an ancient animal trapped inside a large, falling iceberg as shatters a large hole on the roof's surface and penetrates towards the ground floor of the storehouse.

PSSSHHH!!!

With the sound and likeness of a thousand shattering crystals, the iceberg explodes into hundreds of pieces,together with the frozen creature inside it, as it falls with an earth-shattering impact on the ground. The show is now over. The beast that killed and mutilated men without warning is now lying as a broken pile of frozen flesh and blood, scattered in bits on the cold, hard earth.​
 
Did that all happen while the monster was in mid-air? :eek:

Woa, those are really cool guys. Dunno why, but somehow I anticipated what the Freezing Fist would do :D

LOL

NICE!!!! LOVE IT

May I ask for some more? :eek:
 
Sure! why not? since you really liked the story. Ill do it. :)

btw Runya could you please do a critique on the fight scenes and the incantations on the story? I'm really interested on your opinion about it.

pls do tell me about yourself too (or a bit of it if you like). I find you really interesting and witty :) and I wish that we could be friends.

thanks!:)
 
Okay! Right on my way.... *gets a pen and puts on her hat* Let's get on this babe!

-- that meant that I'm going to click on quote and start suggesting *grins*

PS Though I really think your descriptions are perfect the way they are :D
 
blairWitcher said:
“Don't put your guard down.” Stine says seriously on[to] his companion. “the whole thing is still far from over.”

Outside the barrier, a weird[Now, why is it weird? Maybe uneasy would be a better adjective?] silence begins to fall all over the mist -[and?] shrouded battlefield


“Oh give me a break, Al.[,]” Cross replies, grinning at the look on his friend's face. “Look. It's no longer attacking us. It's probably giving up after seeing its needles bouncing off . There's no need to worry.[,]

Okay, here, just note that in a dialogue, it goes like this.

"Hello,"

"Hi,"

"How are you?"

"Great,"

See the commas? *grins*

“Ive always known your such an arrogant and brainless dunderhead, Cross[,]” Stine says as he silently stares at the fog swirling outside the barrier he had conjured.


“Hey! You should be thanking me right now for saving your ass back there!” Cross says angrily as he folds his arms on his chest and faces Stine. Was he not facing Stine? :eek:


“Save my ass from what?” Stein asks blankly, though his face is still serious. If he asks something blankly, isn't he supposed to have a serious face? :confused: or at least an indifferent look?


“Oh you[']r[e] the meanest, most disgusting[,] and ungrateful partner Ive
I've
ever worked with!” Cross shouts, spraying droplets of spit on Stine's face.{LOL} “And, by the way, I'm not BRAINLESS! May I ask how the heck would that thing strike at us without piercing a hole through that barrier? You, of all people, should know that -
“BOOOM!” [perfect timing :p]


His words are cut short by a sudden explosion erupting at[on] the other side of the roof, sending debris of shattered pieces of wood and broken roof tiles flying on[in] the air.


“****!”{No need for that. *blushes* It's enough by saying that he swears. Unless you want to write an R rated novel *grins*} Cross swears as he draws his blade impulsively, looking startled. At the same moment, something huge leaps out amidst the hovering swarm of dust caused by the explosion and lands with a thud on the surface of the roof.{perfect!} The creature may not be powerful enough to drill its way through a second degree elemental barrier, but It is powerful enough to break through the roof from below. [Isn't that supposed to be a dialogue? It sounds better as a dialogue.......]


“Now[,] does that answer your question?” Stine silently replies as he aims the barrels of both guns at the cursed being that landed in front of them.

The creature is an awful[obnoxious? {Just suggesting ^_^}] sight. Standing at about 12{better if you use letters instead of numbers =p} feet tall and probably weighing a few pounds heavier than a full grown Fernian black bear,[.] It {why the caps for 'it'? (ignoring that I added the point)} has a reptilian head sporting three, evil-looking eyes, two slits for a nose[,] and a wide mouth sporting{maybe you could use another word here? To avoid repetitititititititition :eek:} razor-sharp fangs. Its big, lizard like[,] body is covered in random slabs of a thick, bony armor running from its spine. Its arms and legs are heavily muscled, indicating inhuman strength, and Its dagger–like, poisonous claws are deadly enough to slash the life out of any living creature. Suspended on the lower back part of its body, a serpentine tail covered in quills is swaying[sways?] dangerously, ready to lash and shoot its quills at any given moment. The rumored creature that destroyed Hunter's Cove finally comes out from the mist that cloaks it.


Suddenly, without any feeling of fear or hesitation,
{You ruin the attack with that *eek*!}The creature violently screams in anger and rushes forward like a mad, raging bull, raising its claws and ready to rip anything it reaches.


“Brace yourself! It's coming!” Stine bellows, firing a ferocious volley of bullets at the onrushing monster as Cross shifts his weight on his left leg, assumes an[his] assassin's defensive,/fighting stance and levels his sword in a thrusting position, preparing himself for a close-quarter combat with the terrifying abomination.
 
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