SoulTakers:Chapter two rewrite

[blairWitcher]

So where do I place the next pages?

Should I Email it to you?

 

[Runya]

So where do I place the next pages?

Should I Email it to you?

Yes yes yes yes... Definitely Yes *grins*

 

[chrispenycate]

If you are intending to place this piece with a commercial publisher, you definitely shouldn't expose too much here. Agents and publishers like to be in control of their product, and make the decisions as to where it is read. Even if it is heavily modified later, they don't like things that have already appeared in publicly accessible sites(like here)

They might then very well put up half the book as a teaser, but that's their business, and business is what they're supposed to be so much better at than us.

 

[blairWitcher]

thanks for the info Mr. Chris

But I wish to finish posting chapter two here since It would be impolite not to finish what you have started already.

 

[chrispenycate]

[/quote]

At this request from the 5th Master, Stein lets out a long, heavy sigh as he begins to speak in a slow, clear voice.


“We all know that the Academy was founded hundreds of years ago by the first Soul takers, there

their

names unknown, in order to educate and train those who are “spiritually gifted” in the usage and preservation of spiritual energies in all its

either "spiritual energy" or "all their forms"

forms. At first everything went smooth as the next generation of Soul takers graduated from the academy and took up the responsibility of maintaining the balance and flow of spiritual energies in the world, eliminating any “spirit anomalies” that threaten

threatened

to destroy the balance – like the ones in the Hunter Cove. A spirit anomaly occurs when a large amount of negative spiritual energy is concentrated into an area. When the amount of negative spiritual energy

total repetition

is greater than the amount that a particular area can handle, “spiritual mutation” occurs as the negative energies instantly fuse themselves with the elements in the surrounding, giving birth to beings that we call “demons”.

space

It is the task of a Soul taker to destroy this beings

this being, or these beings

and return the abnormal levels of Negative Spirit density back

don't need back" with "return".

to its normal state. But there are those who

"got diverted"? "Diverged"? "Diverted themselves"?

diverted from this path.”

“As the 3rd generation of Soul takers emerged from the walls of the academy, a young and ambitious Soul Taker

repetition

named Victor Lavoisier discovered a way of turning a vast amount of spiritual energy into a small, solid matter

"object", rather than "matter"?

. With his brilliant mind, he conducted many illegal experiments on

in?

different areas in

of

the world, sacrificing many innocent lives in their

his

quest to attain power. After a few months, he, together with his followers, succeeded on creating an alchemical substance made purely of negative spiritual energy – the first demon crystal. Once a “spiritually gifted person” concentrated and poured some of his own energy on the crystal, the crystal will

would

become unstable and evaporate, releasing enormous levels of spiritual energy, thus creating an anomaly over an area. But the ambitious Lavoisier went farther than that. By fusing together many demon crystals, he was able to create a much powerful demon crystal which he called the Prism of Madness. Once this substance is unleashed, It will create a diabolic anomaly and give birth to a Demon God that could utterly destroy both the physical and spiritual balance in the world. Together with his followers, they

he

created a society that aims

probably "aimed"

to control the spiritual and physical

repetition again

domains of this world. They became the first members of the Bajura.”

“Word reached the Academy about Lavoisier and his cursed creation and

"Word" decided to stop him?

decided to stop him in his plans for domination. This led to Lavoisier's defection from the Academy and

comma

together with his followers,

he

waged an all out battle with the Academy. After 10 years of bloody struggle, the Academy's Soul Takers finally defeated the Bajura. Lavoisier and his followers where

were

cornered and executed while his creation was shattered into seven pieces and the energy inside was nullified by sealing it with an unknown and complex, S-class binding art. After the war, the Academy burned any manuscripts of the seal binding the prism and decided to give the pieces to one of its prominent “spiritually gifted” families, the Clan of Mistra. Taking the responsibility of safeguarding the prism, The Mistra clan built seven shrines, each housing a portion of the substance, in several places around the world and placed guards and traps inside them so as to prevent anyone from reuniting the prism and unlocking its seal...”

Finishing the story, Stine closes his eyes momentarily, then asks the master a question that has been bothering him as

probably "hile" rather than "as"

he tells the middle part of his report. “Sir

comma

is the Bajura involved in the mission you are giving us?”


All three of his companions look towards him, puzzled by his question.


With a meaningful, sad look, Master Kedwin slowly nods and answers.

colon

“You've guessed it correctly, Al.”

Am I allowed to grumble gently about the bold words? I find them quite distracting, like the results of a word search.

 

[blairWitcher]

thanks for the corrections Mr.Chrispy.

Well if those really bother you, I'll change it back to normal text when I rewrite the entire chapter.