The Quest of the Lost King

[Menion]

Upgraded Part 1, And also done a Map of the world(Cloros) it hasnt been mentioned yet.

 

[Menion]

That is how i allways imagined it.
I did it in Paint, because my picture program decided to play silly buggers.

I'll be getting a new prgram soon, to do it professinaly.

I cant think of any good names for the little villages.
Please tell me what you think, and if yolu saw this (it wouldnt be in colour obviosly, I'd make it ito a drawing like picture, similiar to LotR)

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

Nice map though a little crowded. If this were real the land of the stomping question marks would at least have a name. (even if that was it) People don't get established enough to build a castle without knowing at least the name of the place next door not to mention how many heads they have.

It also needs a better idea of scale this could be twenty miles or ive thousand miles across. The wanderers cottage implies a small island with a cottage on it which makes it look like this may be at most forty or so miles across in total to me.

Too mant of your names have of in them IMO and castle blood scream seems a bit over the top.

What the hell is a fishering town?

People at lookout point arn't going to see much with those dirty great iislands in the way.

On the whle though not bad. It depaends on how the map forms part of the tale.

Cheers

TEIN

 

[Menion]

This isn't the final version, it's just to show people what the world will look like in my book.

If this were real the land of the stomping question marks would at least have a name. (even if that was it) People don't get established enough to build a castle without knowing at least the name of the place next door not to mention how many heads they have.

I forgot to take that off, it was for me too remember to think off a name.

It also needs a better idea of scale this could be twenty miles or ive thousand miles across.

I couldn't think of the right size so I didn't add it, Ill be looking at a real map of about the same size and get the sizes from that.

Too mant of your names have of in them IMO and castle blood scream seems a bit over the top.

Again its just the general idea of what thoose places will be, I know most of them need changing, but i can't seem to be able to think of any good names for them.

What the hell is a fishering town?

Typing error

People at lookout point arn't going to see much with those dirty great iislands in the way.

The idea of the place is to keep watch to the north (that's where the baddies are)

On the whle though not bad. It depaends on how the map forms part of the tale.

Thanks, It will be quiet important I hope, so that when your reading you flick back to the Map to see where the people are going, thats what I love to do when im reading.

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

OK.

On the names front I think you would get more mileage to think up a name of a town/city and then when you're introducing it into the plot you have the chance of adding the facts about the place. Even if the reason to visit it has nothing to do with why it is so called.

e.g. (and not meant to be a literary masterpiece)

He had heard tell of Guinedos. It was there that the St Guin had established the monastery for the blind and dedicated it to the goddess Philtre. Peeps came from far and wide have their blindness cured if possible, or if not seek the sanctuary of the monks that cared for those that needed their help. They also trained healthfixers from other lands in the magics of eyewear, the skill of glass shaping. Those skilled enough could even be taught how to remove cattaracts to restore lost sight to those wealthy enough to pay. Naturally those so trained in these higher magics could command large sums from the lords and ladies of their own lands and were expected to pay for the knowledge they sought. This was how the monks in turn provided for the poor souls they cared for in their hospice. ...

And so, not only have you given the place a name in the book and on the map but you've explained it's existence and padded out the book a little, given the reader a fuller picture of the place and given a bit of depth to the place. You have to be careful not to do too much info dump but a bit of this is acceptable IMO if it helps establish background. When all said and done most books end up with some dumping to describe places objects and people.

However if you just call a place 'chapel of blindness' on the map you've said it all and you have lost the chance to envelop the place into the story. (IMO)

As for naming places there is a thread on the site that explored the methods of naming characters which may be helpful. There are some links to useful sites within the thread that may include place name sites too.

enjoy

http://www.sffchronicles.co.uk/forum/4902-help-naming-characters.html#post73901

As for lookout point - fair enough, but to be useful to look for invaders from the north it would have to be a very small distance to the northern boarder which in turn would make your land very small.

 

[Menion]

All I shall reveal is that it is now called A Wanderer's Will.
My "Beta" reader thinks it is coming along amazingly, I wont be putting it on here for a few days, I'm still polishing it off, There are 3 chapters know.

Chapter 1-Dance of the Dead- Is what is allready on here(but improved)
Chapter 2-?no name yet?- Is about the first seer in over 1000 years, it introduces him and the religion of Cloros and the chapel of sight.
Chapter 3- Unknown Treachery- The aftermath of the battle.
-
Chapter 4- Is going to be a small one about the battle of Alkten field that took place 20 years previous
Chapter 5- Is when the people of chapter 1 & 3 meet the people from chapter 2.

Tell me what you think please

 

[Sapheron]

Can't really tell you much from just that little bit about the chapters. Anywho, it's too late for me to start reading writing, so that'll wait till some other time (tomorrow... tomorrow's already today? I should have gone to bed already).

However! Maps! I spend much time looking at maps. First things first, it needs a scale pronto. A map without a scale is meaningless. We could be looking at a continent, a country, a county. Without a scale you might as well not bother showing it to us.

Secondly, the southern lake on your map is impossible. Assuming it's in relatively flat land (there are cities nearby and it's near the coast, it had better be flat-ish at least) and there are plenty of rivers flowing out of it into the sea, it'd need a permanent monsoon season to keep it supplied. Generally, large lakes only form when rivers flow into them, rather than out of them.

Third. If it's to scale then the urbanised areas are too large; even modern Britain has a smaller proportion of grey to green. A medieval type of world could never support itself this way in terms of food production. Of course, if the towns are all shown larger than they actually are then this is fine.

Four. Why the barracks settlements? Why can't the soldiers stay at the castles? Are there really so many they need whole towns to fit them in? If so, where do all these soldiers come from? How are they paid and fed? Why aren't they camped along the northern border where, as you say, the baddies are in case of an attack?

Fifth, agree with TEiN in that questionmark land needs to be named, as does the landmass to the east. In addition, why do no roads cross the borders to the north? Yes, the kings and generals might be at war half the time, but merchants are rarely so fussy; they'll be making profits through peace and war, and for this reason there will inevitably be roads.

A little to think about. Keep at it.

 

[Menion]

Wow I actually forgot about this thread, If anybodys interested; the story is now epic there is a lot more done and very different.

The whole plan of the quest has been changed and now I probably have enough storyline to write two, yes TWO decent sized books .

There are also elves, dwaves, orcs AND timetravel.

Ive been told by family and friends (that are interested in this kind of stuff, sadly there arn't many so I haveto relay on people I dont know on the internet ) that I write similiar too Joe Abercrombie, I was aiming for more David Gemmell"ish", I guess my fight scenes arn't god enough.

The map is now about twice, or three, times as big; with proper names for the towns and citys.

Well I'll leave it at that, maybe I will post some of the better more important scenes, if anybodys interested.

Ta ta for now.