P for Pleistocene: Stilted dialogue ??

[ctg]

You're doing well on using narrative in place of saidism. But you have to know that there are places where you need tag, and there are places where you can leave them out. In three way conversation, you have to master where to put tags, where to leave them out, and where to replace them with narrative. This all comes down to the style, and to my eyes you're still growing to find your own. In fact, I just read a review on Richard Morgan Woken Furies, where the reviewer says, "Morgan is maturing his style in this third instalment of Kovacks novels."

So don't feel bad. Learn from your mistakes, and don't give up.

What you're asking in your new bit is to my eyes flowing very well. But the problem is that I don't know where to place those exchanges as the image isn't living in my head.

 

[ctg]

In the spirit of the 75 word challenge, could I propose you another type of challenge? The one that I have in my head is beginning with small description that evolves into two way dialogue and end up with third (or fourth if you choose so) person coming into the play.

No more then in 500 words describe a background and a scene that involves a interrupted robbery. You can write it in third or first person. You can involve in it you (and friend/wife/husband) and mugger that gets scared (or not) when third person comes into the play.

Use narrative. Said tags and remove saidism where you can.

 

[thwilli]

I liked the dialog of the first version, though it did need a little bit more detail to hold my interest. I also liked that you used the since of smell to help bring the reader closer into the story though i though you could have used more detail in this. For instance what did it smell like. Also, as a southern boy, I would like to point out that no camper worth squat would have anything but fried taters for breakfast.