Writing Challenge Discussion -- January 2011

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I liked the story you posted better, Cul. If we'd had three votes this month, I would have voted for that one. It struck me as more profound, somehow. I think you chose the right story for the Challenge.
 
Eeek! When I went to bed last night Digs was two votes ahead, and this morning a tie-break! That put a smile on my face.

First off, congratulations to Digs, a really emotive and poignant tale, a worthy winner. It's one of those I overlooked, and only as I read it last night I realised how good it was.

Secondly thanks to everyone who voted for me, especially the few who took the time in the last few days when I was unable to offer thanks as the votes as they came in. And all the comments and special mentions were absolutely fantastic.

And finally my alternative for this month. This was the first one I wrote, and I was really pleased with it. The only problem - I could not cut it down to 75 words, this is the best I got with editing it, and it's still a few lines short of what I had originally and preferred!

(Star Girl also wrote a story based on the same historical period, which made me smirk)


Charles the younger was born to be king,
Rights of succession secured that thing.

Decadence, cruelty and over-indulgence weighed too much,
The people rose up under a common touch.

Ollie Cromwell set out the goal,
Dissolved Parliament, assumed control.

Upon Charles I he placed a tax,
One the King paid in full under the axe.

Lord Protector he would be,
Creating a new none monarchy.

After his death they cut off his head,
Inviting the king back instead.

Across London town the bells did ring,
Because Charles II was born to be king.
 
I have a confession -- I didn't vote. I fully admit this was due to my not paying attention, but I thought, January ending on the 31st and there always having been two days for a tie-break, the main vote would finish at midnight on the 29th. Then I didn't log on again after early yesterday morning.

I'm not going to say whether an increase in attention on my part would have prevented a tie-break.:p

Congrats to PM and Digs -- both excellent entries (along with many others).
 
Thanks Ursa, for the honourable mention! :D (And thanks to Teresa and Parson for being so nice.)

Here was my other story I wrote this month.

Every Dog

We’d been slaves for centuries. Our primitive ancestors were born into it. Humans? They made us. They were our Gods.

We evolved. And still we were slaves.

So we fought. For years we fought and when we finally won our freedom it was…

Our motto? Yes. We had our day.


I was reluctant to post my bus stop story because I thought everyone wouldn't think it was revolution-y enough (though I tried to put as much in for the different meanings as poss!), and my second story I thought was rubbish also and figured there were more cat people than dog people here! :p
 
Congratulations to both Perpetual Man and digs. Two excellent stories.

And before I forget, thanks for the vote Greenkidx, most unexpected and most welcome!


The figures for the month -- hot off the press:

A good start to the new year with a magnificent 57 entries, which is a new record, as is the number of new entrants at 17. The total number of Challengers has now reached 133, who have written a total of 470 stories.

Figures for the regulars haven't changed, at 18 who have completed all 10 Challenges, and 4 who have completed 9. Of last month's 6 new entrants, 4 have remained with us (*waves to Bella Donna, Dozmonic, Dubrech and Star Girl*).

The number of votes isn't quite so encouraging -- only 46, which is the biggest discrepancy between entrants and voters we've ever had, so lots more nagging and badgering next month (and reminders to people to read the dates...).

The top three of the leader board remain unchanged with HareBrain still with his whiskers in front on 32, Hoopy on 31 and Mouse on 26. However, Teresa has come ever closer to Mouse's quivering tail with 25, and Stormfeather has... er... stormed into fifth place with 23. This month's tie-breakers means digs has undug himself to emerge straight into seventh place with 19 votes and Perpetual Man has brought the total of entrants with 10 or more votes up to 19.

So, can the Goblin Princess continue her assault on the citadel? Can Storm ruffle a few more feathers? Will digs undermine everyone? February will tell...
 
Good second stories all. But in no case do I think the second surpassed the first.

I was really pleased with my first story, but it seems as though I was in a minority of 1. Perhaps no one understood that the protagonist was running around the inside of a spinning Generation Ship doing his mandatory exercise. Whatever, it made me smile which is well worth the effort at that.

I did have a second story. Most unusual for me.

----------

A Revolution Begins

It was not a large waterfall.
But it had torn the jug from his hand.
He was angry and also thirsty.
Turning the grinding wheel all day dried him out.
His reward, three sacks of flour.
It would feed his family for thrice a fortnight.
But it could fetch a piece of silver as well.
If only grinding weren’t so hard.
He looked at the wheel on his cart, saw the floating jug,
“I wonder...”

-----

And when I went to gather that story from my word processor, I looked at the story I wanted to write but wouldn't come together. Needless to say, now it did. So a third story ?!?

Free in heart, Free indeed.

He read the text yet again.
It’s proclamation would make him infamous.
His land had become rich on the backs of slaves.
But there it was in the book that did not lie.
In Christ there is ... no slave or free...

But words were not enough.
Actions always speak louder.
He set free the bond.
His words grew in power.
So did the opposition.
It would take more than a generation.
Freedom isn’t ever free.
 
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Eek! Parson, he was simply doing exercises? I thought he had killed someone to make the others do the exercises! What was the gun firing, then? A starter's pistol?

Your third story is your best, to my mind. Powerful and compact -- it immediately made me think of William Wilberforce, but I imagine you're picturing a US abolitionist -- and I'm sure it would have gained attention in the voting.

Perpetual Man -- er... I know there's poetic licence but... Charles wasn't born to be king - he was a second son, and only inherited when his elder brother, Henry, died at the age of 18. His court wasn't decadent, cruel or over-indulged as things were measured in those days -- in fact compared to his father and his son he was abstemious and a good man. His Catholic leanings and his insistence on the Divine Right of Kings did for him, but even then a cleverer but less scrupulous man would have avoided the axe. And Cromwell only removed the Rump when it became clear how useless it was. So... nice try, but I'm glad you didn't enter it as your story!
 
Yes, he was just doing exercises, and the gun was like a starter's pistol. I saw it as a kind of timer. When the powers that were making him run all those revolutions noted he had one lap left his personal "gun" went off.

I was indeed thinking of a US opponent to slavery someone like, but less insane, than John Brown. But if someone had said, that couldn't have happened I most assuredly would have pointed them to William Wilberforce. He's a man who does not get his fair measure of notoriety, at least on this side of the Atlantic.


PS> I had to look up "abstemious."
 
I doubt that Wilberforce is well-known among the young over here, either, Parson, but it doesn't surprise me if he's neglected in the US, since he was long dead when the question was becoming important in the US. As for your line "It would take more than a generation" -- fifty years passed between the first presentation of a Quaker petition to Parliament and the passing of the Slavery Abolition Act which brought it to an end in (most) of the Empire, though slavery in the UK itself had ended much earlier.

And a Parson not knowing abstemious?!
 
William Wilberforce, I was fascinated by him. Remember during a history exam at school, I wrote a two page answer on Wilberforce for a 2 point answer, and three sentences on the suffragettes for a 5 point answer. My history teacher was very unimpressed.
 
Nixie, you had the wrong history teacher. Back in the day when I was; I would have been most impressed --- well at least with Wilberforce, --- not so much about the suffragettes.
 
Congrats to the finalists, and best of luck to both of you.
Also big thanks to all for the mentions, I don't think I've ever had this many, and an equally big thanks to whoever voted for my story.

As Digs was on my shortlist, I voted for him in tiebreaker, although I voted the peeved off Gaia-story in the original poll.

Now I'm just waiting for the February challenge to start!
 
The Judge said:
Perpetual Man -- er... I know there's poetic licence but... Charles wasn't born to be king - he was a second son, and only inherited when his elder brother, Henry, died at the age of 18. His court wasn't decadent, cruel or over-indulged as things were measured in those days -- in fact compared to his father and his son he was abstemious and a good man. His Catholic leanings and his insistence on the Divine Right of Kings did for him, but even then a cleverer but less scrupulous man would have avoided the axe. And Cromwell only removed the Rump when it became clear how useless it was. So... nice try, but I'm glad you didn't enter it as your story!
Click to expand...

Uhhh... uhhh... Well, errr.... TJ... uhhh oops?

To be completely honest I knew that Charles was the second son, two of the lines I excised covered that, and it really was poetic license about his being born to be king - working on the principle that he would have been brought up in the royal court etc...

But the rest hands up, you got me good your honour. Got to say I don't know that much about the period, so a bit of proper research would not have gone amiss. Drawing on a Monty Python song might not quite measure up(!)

As far as Cromwell goes though, never liked him as a historical figure...
 
This monarch's passed on! This monarch is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-KING!

(With apologies to Mr Python.)



And only 66 words. ;):)

(Okay, the original line had 82 words.)
 
Parson, I thought your third story was about Abraham Lincoln ("He freed the bond.")

And PM, as for your other story, the one about the Merry Monarch, I was with the Judge in thinking you had described his reign far too harshly. Cruel things happened, but he wasn't behind them. I believe he was very much in opposition to Titus Oates. He was a lusty man, that is certain, but he was so poor most of the time (partly because his mistresses were so expensive, partly because Parliament didn't want to give him money) he wasn't exactly wallowing in luxury. And if I remember correctly, he was out there with the firefighters trying to stop the blaze during the Great Fire.
 
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