Dream sequence. 690 words

[A. S. Behsam]

I'm from Iran and my first language is Farsi (Persian), not Arabic. Arabic is for Arabs. I'm Persian, so my language is Persian.
English is my second language, yes, but the fact that I can see the mistakes in a native speaker's writing clearly or that I work as an active interpreter and studied English professionally for years explain a lot. Even if I make typos or such mistakes, you should know that because this isn't my native language, I pay a lot more attention to it than you (native speakers in general) do. That's science.
No, that's not how we write in Farsi. Actually I barely read any Farsi text/story and I can't write stories in Persian as I can in English. What I said was from experience of reading tens of English novels (whether in paper or as e-books), classic and modern and in all genres. And I know it's nothing compared to so many people who have read a lot more, but it's something.
It's good that you're not afraid of that, but you shouldn't start talking to them like that when they think you're wrong. I mentioned before the critique that what I write are all merely suggestions and you're the one to decide. So instead of calling me confused or start looking for my native language to prove me wrong, depend on your own abilities to point out your ideas. Why would I spend my time only to hurt someone I don't even know?!
I never said I'm completely right and you're a hundred percent wrong, but the tune of your replies just made me regret spending time for your work at first place.

Best of luck with the story.

 

[The Judge]

To echo Gary -- everyone calm down. And to make a further point, Gary isn't a mod. I am.

A general point to everyone reading this: Misunderstandings can easily arise when we cannot hear the tone of voice in which something is said, but that is no reason for anyone to become agitated.

If one feels one's work has been criticised wrongly, grin and bear it, and thank the critiquer. If the critiquer has made a mistake, there is little to be gained from pointing it out, and a great deal of goodwill to be lost.

If one feels one's honestly meant critique has been badly received, grin and bear it, and move on. There is little to be gained from responding, and a very great deal of goodwill to be lost.


One further point -- I do not wish to see any further comments here unless they are critiques of anthorn's work.

 

[anthorn]

Yeah, the internet can make even the most calm reply seem snarky I think.

And to be fair, you were confused about the sentance in question, as Ursa major helped point out. And I do appreciate the critique, I repeat, it was just those two things. I never intended to sound rude, it's just the way it came off on the internet.

Good luck with your writing.

 

[anthorn]

I suggest we move on and let it pass as the misunderstanding it was. You interpreted some of my response as rude, which it wasn't but could be seen as such etc blah blah blah. If we keep on going like this we'll need a new sub forum to crit the critique.

 

[Ursa major]

I think that you (Anthorn and A.S.Behsam) were both right and wrong (though for different reasons), in that the paragraph lent itself to a less-than-smooth reading. The cause, though, is probably the combining of more than one idea into the one paragraph rather than the actual speech attribution.


(Actually, there's an important lesson to be learnt here: When something doesn't read quite right, the first thing you question about it may not be the right one. This is a fault of which I am all too prone, which is which some of my paragraphs can be edited many times but still not satisfy; not until I work out what is really wrong with them. )

 

[anthorn]

Yeah.

Also for the record. I split it into two paragraphs. Reads better.

 

[The Judge]

If we keep on going like this we'll need a new sub forum to crit the critique.

Except you won't keep going on, anthorn, because I mean what I say. If need be I will lock this thread.

 

[anthorn]

I am down with that Judge. I would rather it locked than continue on like this, y'know.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

Thread locked. Not because it pleases you, anthorn, but because when a moderator says to stop, that means stop, a concept that many here seem to be unable to grasp.