Dialogue... help?

[Hex]

I've got completely tied in knots about dialogue and capitalisation. I thought I was doing so well (as ever) and then, reading through the WIP, I keep encountering things like:

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me,

"It should be dead."


Should that be:


As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me,

"it should be dead."



or should it be something else entirely? Help.

 

[terryweide]

I would capitalize "It" because it's inside of a quotation mark. It's the first word in quoted dialog. An easier way to do this would be to break this into two sentences,

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me. "It should be dead."

Hope this is helpful.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

I think your problem goes deeper than capitalization. Glanced at me is not and cannot be a dialogue tag. Here, it ends a separate sentence. (This may be why you are confused.) In your example, it works like a dialogue tag, in that it serves to identify the speaker, so like a dialogue tag it can be used in the same paragraph. However since what you have is actually two separate sentences you need to capitalize and also punctuate accordingly. What you have should have been written like this:

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me. "It should be dead."


You could have two paragraphs, but that would probably lead to confusion.

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me.

"It should be dead."

It's equally correct that way, but the problem is that readers could have difficulty figuring out whether it is Bob who speaks that bit of dialogue, or the first person narrator.


Or, you could use a dialogue tag:

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me.

"It should be dead," he said.

or

"It should be dead," said Bob, with a glance that told me he had guessed exactly what I was thinking.


The only time that you don't capitalize dialogue is when it is a continuation of the previous sentence:

"We both know," said Bob, "that it should be dead."

or

"This thing," I said, "it should be—"

"—dead," Bob interrupted, continuing my thought. "How it survived I can't begin to guess."


I don't know if this clears up your confusion or makes it worse.

 

[Hex]

Clears it up brilliantly, thank you.

But now I'm wondering about:

The only time that you don't capitalize dialogue is when it is a continuation of the previous sentence:

"We both know," said Bob, "that it should be dead."

What about Bob saying "You killed it. We saw you."

So, would that be: "You killed it," said Bob, "We saw you."?

or

"You killed it," said Bob. "We saw you." ?

 

[Ursa major]

"You killed it," said Bob. "We saw you."

is the correct version.

There are two sentences, as you showed when there was no dialogue attribution. The addition of the attribution doesn't really change this, hence the need for a full stop (period) or, if you really want to use one (I definitely wouldn't in this case), a semicolon.

 

[paranoid marvin]

is the correct version.

There are two sentences, as you showed when there was no dialogue attribution. The addition of the attribution doesn't really change this, hence the need for a full stop (period) or, if you really want to use one (I definitely wouldn't in this case), a semicolon.

Preferably replacing 'said' with 'replied' or 'stated' or a similarly descriptive verb.

 

[Oxman]

"You killed it. We saw you," said Bob.
is fine too. Just a matter of your preference.

Preferably replacing 'said' with 'replied' or 'stated' or a similarly descriptive verb.

I disagree. "Said" is an invisible word that we easily blur out to focus on the dialogue. He said, she said, they said, everyone said all work perfectly well in doing what they are supposed to.

I just find it distracting when characters growl, snarl, state, erupt, stutter, or (heavens forbid - and I've seen this) ejaculate every time dialogue is attributed. The occasional whispered or shouted is fine and makes a nice change, but too much of this kind of thing can really distract from the dialogue.

And when it's clear who is talking, there's no need to stick "said" at the end anyway. Just have the dialogue and start a new para for the reply! Only put in the attribution for clarification or to keep the reader on track.

One thing that took me ages to get used to was that you don't capitalise after ! or ?

So,

"He's Dead?" asked Bob.

is right, as is,

"Yes, I'm Dead!" said Elvis.

Not really a problem if you prefer to lead with the name, ie, Bob said...

 

[Culhwch]

I wouldn't recommend capitalising the 'd' in 'dead', though...

I think I've said it a million times on this forum, but it holds true: if in doubt, pick up a book. Flick through and you'll no doubt find an example or two of just about every kind of attribution you could ask for, and unless it's a shoddily-edited vanity-published 'novel', it should be a hundred percent correct.

 

[digs]

Sometimes it helps to say it aloud as well. Commas and full stops indicate where we should pause when speaking - the length and nature of the pause can sometimes indicate which we should use.

"Don't even think about it," he said.

"Don't even think about it." He said there was a...

Pretty bad examples, but if you say them to yourself you can hear the difference in the pause.

 

[Hex]

Thank you all very much.

For some reason I had real problems generalising the example. So I picked up books and saw the way they did it and then wondered if that was what applied to my specific example and... well, you get the idea.

 

[The Judge]

Just to echo what Ursa said about

"You killed it," said Bob. "We saw you."

if you're ever in doubt, remove the dialogue tag and see how you would punctuate it then. Think of the "he said/snarled/whispered/asseverated**" as simply delaying the punctuation you would otherwise use, not eliminating it.


** yes, really. It's even legal. Not, however, advisable.

 

[Grimbear]

I would always capitalize when the person starts talking, but occasionally a continuation can be left without caps:

"Hey, what..." she said and paused, looking puzzled and outraged, ..."what is this!"

However, if the next thing a person says is a new sentence and not a continuation then that should have a cap:

"Hey what is this?" she said and paused, looking puzzled and outraged. "You've got it all over my jacket!"

 

[RJM Corbet]

I've got completely tied in knots about dialogue and capitalisation. I thought I was doing so well (as ever) and then, reading through the WIP, I keep encountering things like:

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me,

"It should be dead."


Should that be:


As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me,

"it should be dead."



or should it be something else entirely? Help.

A newspaper editor taught me to introduce speech with a colon, and I've done it all my life. So:

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me: "It should be dead."

No new paragraph really required for just a few words of speech. Always start new speech with a capital. If the speech runs to another para, break it naturally, and start new para with quotes. Try not to break speech in the middle of a sentence.

"It should," said Bob: "be dead."
... Is not necessary.

Rather, for example:
"It should be dead," Bob said: "But its still looking at me."


It works?

 

[Culhwch]

"Hey, what..." she said and paused, looking puzzled and outraged, ..."what is this!"

No, this is incorrect. I'm not sure about using the ellipses either die of the dialogue tag - I wouldn't recommend that - but if you did, the punctuation comes within the quotation marks.

This example would work better as:

'Hey,' she said, 'what is this?'

The pause is implied/provided by the attribution placed where it is. If you want to have her stammer or repeat herself, do it all in one quotation:

'Hey, what... what is this?' she said.

A newspaper editor taught me to introduce speech with a colon, and I've done it all my life. So:

As if he guessed what I was thinking, Bob glanced at me: "It should be dead."

No new paragraph really required for just a few words of speech. Always start new speech with a capital. If the speech runs to another para, break it naturally, and start new para with quotes. Try not to break speech in the middle of a sentence.

"It should," said Bob: "be dead."
... Is not necessary.

Rather, for example:
"It should be dead," Bob said: "But its still looking at me."


It works?

No, it doesn't work. Not for me, at least. I'd never use a colon like this in dialogue, and have never seen it done that way in narrative fiction.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

Oh, I've seen a colon used to punctuate dialogue in narrative fiction, especially in older books. I'm sure I've done it, too. (But not that way, combined with a comma in the same dialogue tag, which is not right.)

And these days it looks a bit dated even to me. I think most readers would think it looks odd and affected, so I'd avoid it, use it carefully, or not at all.

Hey, what..." she said and paused, looking puzzled and outraged, ..."what is this!"

Since you have the ellipses you can't have the comma, and Cul is right that in this case all of the punctuation goes inside the quotation marks.

 

[Grimbear]

Ah well,

I think I don't care enough. If Word underlines in green I just fiddle about and try a few things till the greeen goes away.

I'm sure it's not just me though. Am sure a lot of people have a slapdash approach to grammar

 

[RJM Corbet]

Ah well,

I think I don't care enough. If Word underlines in green I just fiddle about and try a few things till the greeen goes away.

I'm sure it's not just me though. Am sure a lot of people have a slapdash approach to grammar

I have the spell-check on but I don't like the computer telling me how to write. The spell-check is useful because I think very few people can claim a perfect ten in spelling.

Apart from that I regard the computer as a typewriter/ typesetter. Doesn't give it the right to nag me about my grammar. Anyway, rules of grammar often don't apply to realistic dialogue

 

[Boneman]

Anyway, rules of grammar often don't apply to realistic dialogue

Yeah, and it can get annoying, when it tries to point it out to you!

While we're here, can I ask if this is correct? Hero just heard a whisper in his mind, and described for us what he was looking at, and made a tenuous connection between the two.

The whisper had said: "here."



I keep looking at it, wondering if the colon should go altogether...?

 

[Ursa major]

Personally, I'd prefer a comma to a colon. And I think the quote should start with a capital letter, i.e. "Here."

 

[RJM Corbet]

The whisper had said: "here."

It bothers me too, but perhaps that's only because you mentioned it. If you're going to italicize, perhaps drop the quote marks and I agree with Ursa about the capital, because it is speech?

The whisper had said: Here.

Or keep the quotes but lose the italics, as in:

John said: "Here."

I don't know, Boneman, tricky one. No doubt there will be more suggestions shortly ...