Vista level Bonehead mistakes in movies.

[PTeppic]

A far left planet where historical revisionism is par for the course.

It would be interesting to consider whether movies should come with a declaration of historical accuracy, when they portray "real" events or people, but I suspect it's too complex to be workable. But yes, I'd forgotten this category: usually applies to films in which Americans single-handedly win major international wars or suddenly find themselves performing key roles which the history books curiously ascribe to someone else...

 

[Metryq]

usually applies to films in which Americans single-handedly win major international wars or suddenly find themselves performing key roles which the history books curiously ascribe to someone else...

History books are written by humans, and humans can be fallible, or even outright biased—no matter which political party or country they belong to. Sometimes the editorial distortions can be humorous, like the movie The Right Stuff. I was thinking more along the lines of films that are bald-faced propaganda passed off as historical docu-dramas. This is not really a problem, unless one lives in a society progressively short on book larnin'.

 

[JunkMonkey]

A German movie about Stalingrad? Happy ending?

Does not compute.

What planet are these people living on?

An irony free one. He's probably the same guy who wondered aloud, during the development hell of the Thunderbirds movie, whether one of the Tracy Brothers could be black. Or the same twat Mike Figgis met who wanted to make Richard Gere's manic depressive Mr Jones 'just a manic'. Hollywood is full of them.

 

[JunkMonkey]

Bit of a cut and paste from another forum where I started a similar thread a while back: Things that make me shout at films include:

1. The "schlingggggg" noise that swords and knives make whenever they are drawn from a scabbard - or picked up off a table, or grabbed from one of those convenient wall displays with a shield. Doesn't matter if its a rapier, scimitar, longsword, hunting knife or a spork, if it is picked up to be used as a weapon it will always make the same 'Oooooh I'm sharp!' noise.
2. The sound of flies buzzing about on the soundtrack telling there is you there is something dead just out of frame.
3. Movie references in animated kids movies. These days kids movies seem to have to work on two levels. Cute cartoon animals in peril and having fun for the weans and a layer of post modern irony ladled over the top for the adults - who, after all, are paying for the thing and will only be likely to pay out for a sequel if they were at least moderately entertained the first time round. It seems lately that the only way anyone who writes for DreamWorks can think to keep the parents amused is to throw as many movie references at the screen as they can. Hence all the Attack of the 50' Woman homages and characters shouting movie titles as dialogue ("Destroy all monsters!") in Monsters Vs Aliens and (a particularly irritating low point this one) naming a character in Over The Hedge 'Stella' for the sole purpose of having another character do a Marlon Brando / Streetcar Named Desire cry of "Stelaaaaah!". Oh dead clever.
4. The obligatory inclusion of an original cast member in any remake. I first came across this phenomenon the in the 1978 remake of The Invasion of the Bodysnatchers when the hero of the first film, played by Kevin McCarthy, appeared for a brief moment as the mad doomsayer he had become at the end of the original - thus making the new film a sequel rather than a remake but let's not split hairs. These days everyone in Hollywood is so busy homaging everyone else (see 3 above) that all remakes are obliged to have some wrinkly old has-been appearing in a minor role solely because he was in the (often better) original.
5. Americans who can drive vast distances without looking through the windscreen because they have their head turned while talking to their passenger. (Thank you, Amélie Poulain.) As a rider to this, pilots of spacefighters in things like Battlestar Galactica, often turn their heads to talk to the pilot of the ship flying next to them, for no other reason than it makes the audience feel uncomfortable when their hero appears to be talking to himself.
6. Spaceships that bank like aeroplanes. Makes. No. Sense. I've given up being irritated by spaceships making noises as they fly through a vacuum - and explosions. I just think of them as part of the music soundtrack. After all, there aren't any symphony orchestras in space and I happily accept non-diegetic music all over the place. But spaceships that bank like aeroplanes are just wrong wrong wrong.
7. Noisy computer screens. This is a habit that seems to be dying out, thank god, but for years text would appear with maddening slowness of computer screens around the world to the accompaniment of Teletype noises on the sound track. "I'll run the simulation again General." Clackityclackityclackityclackity.....
8. The ******* cat. A tense moment is coming, the heroine is alone. The alley is empty and dark. Is the serial killer lurking in the shadows? The music seems to think so... barrrrooooom. The heroine clutches her coat tighter around herself and tries to stay away from the creepy creepy music - and I'm thinking, 'please don't let it be the cat gag again, just for once can we not have an off-screen grip throw a cat in the general direction of the lead when the director thinks he's ramped up the tension enough - just once..... Please... Oh no, there's the cat and... yep there's the dustbin lid noise too.'
9. Instant belches. Oh that hilarious comedy belch. Monsters and alien creatures do it a lot in eighties movies. Eat (Beat) Belch. Laugh.
10. Auto-tuning TVs. Character is at home chatting to another character while performing some mundane household chore. Fixing breakfast is a common one. Suddenly there's an interruption. There's another call. "Hang on, I've got another call," Click. "Yes?" - or someone comes into the room - either way the newly arrived character shouts "Turn on the TV!". The TV is switched on and LO! there is not an episode of Bonanza, or an infommercial for an exercise machine, or some crappy daytime quiz-show, or any of the other twenty-seven gazillion simultaneous streams of **** that is poured into American TVs. No, our hero's TV has automatically tuned into Channel 7 - Breaking News That is Important to the Plot 24 hours a day 7 Days a Week.
11. The Unreadable - This has long irritated me while watching foreign-language films. I know I can't expect a literal word for word translation, idioms have to be thought about and don't transfer easily, so I don't expect everything that comes out of the actors' mouths to be represented exactly in the subtitles but when they don't bother to translate the signs on doors, names on sides of vehicles, prominent graffiti etc. that the film maker has deliberately included presumably because they thought it was important, I start grinding my teeth. The best example I can think of of this is the final shot of the charming 2007 Indian film Blue Umbrella in which pans to some lettering above the shop around which most of the action has taken place. The lettering is different to what it has been for the whole of the movie. The shop has a new name. The director thought that this lettering was so important he ended the film with it centred in the screen. The translators didn't bother to translate it I have no idea what it meant. I don't even know what language it was in. Indian writing. Frustrating.
12. Dry Cup Acting - It always pisses me off when the cup or mug the actor is holding is obviously empty when he drinks out of it. Quite often you will see an actor make extravagant gestures with an obviously empty cup before carefully 'sipping' from it. Another give-away is the pantomime of tilting of the cup at 90 degrees to the horizontal every time a drink it taken. IT'S EMPTY!
13. Middle Class Ignorance - Set designers/dressers in a certain type of British movie who shove a bottle of brown sauce on the table of every 'Working Class' kitchen table. No matter what time of day, or whatever the meal, some Tarquin or Jocasta fresh out of film school has shoved a ******* bottle of HP, Daddies or Own-brand brown sauce on the Formica tabletop. Apparently it's all we eat: fish and chips, sausages (always fried - never grilled), white bread, and brown sauce.
14. Biology - Why is it women giving birth in movies never seem to have a placenta?
15. Geography - Why is it all chases on foot in New York end up going past (or under) 'That Bridge' in Central Park?

My wife hates watching films with me.

 

[Diggler]

A German movie about Stalingrad? Happy ending?

Does not compute.

What planet are these people living on?

Planet Hollywood!

I read a book, I think was called Film Directors on Directing(?) many years ago. Anyway, the hollywood directors all commented on the re-use of scripts. The studio's would have sets of scripts that were just re-worded and then pumped out as yet another film. Obviously if their vision of Stalingrad (with the happy ending) did well, there would have been a slew of upbeat, "buddy flick" style WWII films pumped out by Hollywood over the next 5 years.

Another thing of interest, which has probably already been mentioned, is the fabrication of real events by Hollywood (and other nations) when it comes to historical films based in WW2, Vietnam, WW1, etc. As far as Band of Brother's, Saving Private Ryan, The Pacific and 99% of American Vietnam war films are concerned, no other countries actually fought in them?!?!

 

[JunkMonkey]

Another thing of interest, which has probably already been mentioned, is the fabrication of real events by Hollywood (and other nations) when it comes to historical films based in WW2, Vietnam, WW1, etc. As far as Band of Brother's, Saving Private Ryan, The Pacific and 99% of American Vietnam war films are concerned, no other countries actually fought in them?!?!

Apart from the Japanese, the Germans, and all those generic 'slopes' obviously.

 

[Foxbat]

Personally, I have no objections about Americans making movies about the exploits of other Americans (be it in war or whatever else).

What I do object to most strenuously is Americans being cast in a role that they did not actually participate in (eg. U571). Actually it was U110.

I'm surprised they didn't save the day at Waterloo.

Napoleon shouts across the battlefield: I veel defeat you, General Wayne

General John Wayne: The Hell you will! (Turns to his troop)
7th Cavalry.....Ho!!

Cue Music as the 7th cavalry charge towards Hougemont (I wish I were in Belgium..Hoorah Hoorah)

 

[Diggler]

Apart from the Japanese, the Germans, and all those generic 'slopes' obviously.

Yes they usually are the "generic" variety. I congratulate Clint Eastwood for Flags of Our Fathers and Letters From Iwo Jima. Two stories based on both sides of one battle for a tiny little island in the Pacific. Great stuff!

Personally, I have no objections about Americans making movies about the exploits of other Americans (be it in war or whatever else).

What I take offence to is the omission of all other nationalities that had actually been involved. Being Australian, it is quite offensive to see shows, and movies, that give the impression that Americans were the only people that fought in, died for, and won WWII. The Vietnam films are quite different, because Communism won...

 

[Metryq]

it is quite offensive to see shows, and movies, that give the impression that Americans were the only people that fought in, died for, and won WWII.

I take your point, and I'm not defending Hollywood. However, I've heard similar complaints that TV/films don't accurately represent the actual range of sex/race/age/[name any other category you like] found in the real world. A given story may "naturally" constrain such diversity. (Maybe The Matrix should have had a few octogenarians in the latex fetish bar where Trinity picked up Neo?)

Shoe-horning in politically correct "diversity" might detour a story. And yes, such formulas generally look forced. Would a movie like Saving Private Ryan have looked better with the cast from Star Trek? If a movie with a broad scope (say, covering all of World War II) still lacks the appropriate diversity, then it's unrealistic. But if the movie is Transporter with a cast of five (good guy, token female, bad guy, and two thugs), then we're not talking high-brow entertainment in the first place.

 

[Quokka]

] [/B]Spaceships that bank

I was watching a sci fi movie a little while ago where the ship actually used directional thrusters rather than just a jet engine at the back and it looked really odd, in a good way, just because they are never used in movies.

Another big space one is they always agree on which direction up is, really when a group of ships are parked or fighting close together there's no reason why they shouldn't be facing all different directions.

The audio is a big one for me more so when watching it at home than in the cinema, explosions too loud or conversations too quiet, I end up watching half the movie with the remote in my hand.

Characters running into a fight or battle and then finding enough space to fight the enemy one on one. 300 was shocking for it but it was such a stylised movie I could except that but so often characters get into a fight and then walk along killing people as if Henry Ford had set all the opponents up on a production line.

 

[HareBrain]

People getting knocked out for hours by a blow to the head and not suffering brain damage and other symptoms of severe concussion.

I assume this started as a comedy element of Keystone Cops, and everyone afterwards, even in serious films and TV, just assumed it was medically plausible.

 

[paranoid marvin]

Someone being hit over the head with a bottle - that breaks. How can you break a bottle by hitting something that is softer than it?

It used to grate having to watch films where Americans take centre stage ; there is more than one Hollywood WWII film where the Yanks save the day when it was actually us Brits. The number of times they depict historical events to the extent that they become ridiculous; Braveheart and Gladiator are great examples of this , and Rob Roy is a great example of how to make it fun and relatively believable. As I said though, it used to grate , but now I've got over it and accept without the changes it is almost certain that the movies wouldn't have been made in the first place, and they are still enjoyable to watch, however innacurate they might be.

 

[JunkMonkey]

Another one that pisses me off every time I see it is bullets which just stop when they reach the target. There's a good example of this in Hellboy 2. During the shooting-fest that is the Tooth Fairy attack early on in the film the action spills out into the street. One of the nasty little tooth fairies makes straight for an innocent passer by at full speed (horror!) Suddenly there is a Kaboom! and the tooth fairy is hit, instantly changes direction 90º and drops to the ground. Cut to reverse angle of Hellboy holding a bloody big gun. The implication is that he fired at the tooth fairy when it was between him and the innocent bystander. The bullet travelled just far enough to kill the nasty little critter then decided it was exempt from the usual laws of momentum and inertia and all that boring physics stuff and just fell on the floor. (Because you see if normal physics had been applied the bullet would have carried on and buried itself and some speed in the face of the very person Hell boy was trying to save.)

 

[JunkMonkey]

It used to grate having to watch films where Americans take centre stage ; there is more than one Hollywood WWII film where the Yanks save the day when it was actually us Brits. The number of times they depict historical events to the extent that they become ridiculous; Braveheart and Gladiator are great examples of this , and Rob Roy is a great example of how to make it fun and relatively believable.

I made myself unpopular several times by saying I though Rob Roy was a far better film than Braveheart ( I live in Scotland and many people here though Braveheart was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually I live near where several sequences for both were shot and can point out friends and neighbours milling about in the background in both.) Braveheart is Hollywood balls from start to finish. Rob Roy has a recognisable human being in the middle of it. I paraphrase, but there is a moment early in the film where Neeson's character returns home and says: "Hello wife, I think I've pissed off the English. I'm going to hide in the hills for a bit till they bored with looking for me. See to the cows for me will you?" Now that is the voice of a real person not some pumped-up action hero.

 

[Metryq]

Quokka wrote: The audio is a big one for me more so when watching it at home than in the cinema, explosions too loud or conversations too quiet, I end up watching half the movie with the remote in my hand.

That all started around the time of Hi-Fi sound on videotape. High dynamic range means the sound engineer can record dialog at very low levels with no annoying amplifier "hiss," and still have plenty of headroom for explosions, music, and other exciting bits without peaking the record levels. If you live alone, far from neighbors, have an excellent sound system, and are really into the action, then high dynamic range can be a plus. For the rest of us it can be a tad annoying. Check the menus on your gear (TV, disc players, etc.) for volume compression. A good compression circuit can moderate the loud and soft parts so that you don't have to keep pulling the cat off the ceiling.

JunkMonkey wrote: Another one that pisses me off every time I see it is bullets which just stop when they reach the target. There's a good example of this in Hellboy 2.

Let me get this straight: you're beefing about the realism in a movie like Hellboy 2? It reminds of a time when a friend was picking apart the preparedness of the hero in a scene dripping with hyperbole, "Oh, right. He just happened to have one of those obscure tools with him!" I looked at him and said, "That's the only weird thing you noticed about the scene?"

Wacky ballistics are a given in the movies, but the movies generally exaggerate the performance of guns and bullets—such as "assault weapon" bullets that will pass right through an engine block as though it were not even there.

I haven't seen Hellboy 2 and have no idea how big these fairies are. Realistically, a bullet could be deflected by impacting some small, airborne target and missing a body that was otherwise farther along its path. A bullet hitting a human body can do all kinds of crazy (and nasty) things if it hits bone. Contrary to Hollywood depictions, most bullets are not the hypothetical "irresistible force." For example, water can easily deflect most bullets. (But because a projectile can pass through its target, there are hollow-points, which were not created to be nasty, but to prevent them from continuing on after hitting the intended target.)

 

[reiver33]

Speaking as a Scot (OK a Lowland Scot from an area that has occasionally been in England), I also prefer Rob Roy to Braveheart. The latter film kicks in on an emotional level, but if you have any knowledge of the period it falls seriously short. I'm not even sure why they took such liberties with history, as the real thing would still have made for good cinema.

Not as bad as The Patriot though.

 

[JunkMonkey]

Let me get this straight: you're beefing about the realism in a movie like Hellboy 2? It reminds of a time when a friend was picking apart the preparedness of the hero in a scene dripping with hyperbole, "Oh, right. He just happened to have one of those obscure tools with him!" I looked at him and said, "That's the only weird thing you noticed about the scene?"

Wacky ballistics are a given in the movies, but the movies generally exaggerate the performance of guns and bullets—such as "assault weapon" bullets that will pass right through an engine block as though it were not even there.

I haven't seen Hellboy 2 and have no idea how big these fairies are. Realistically, a bullet could be deflected by impacting some small, airborne target and missing a body that was otherwise farther along its path. A bullet hitting a human body can do all kinds of crazy (and nasty) things if it hits bone. Contrary to Hollywood depictions, most bullets are not the hypothetical "irresistible force." For example, water can easily deflect most bullets. (But because a projectile can pass through its target, there are hollow-points, which were not created to be nasty, but to prevent them from continuing on after hitting the intended target.)

The fairies were the size of a small bird, say a sparrow. and the gun looked like a small cannon. As for beefing about it no, I wasn't, I was just giving an example this was the first one that came to mind. I'm no expert in ballistics and what you say about what bullets do may well be true but I do know they don't just stop in mid air. (Unless someone is doing that bollocksy Matrix palm out, traffic-stopping gesture, while pulling that 'I'm having a really interesting crap here' face which Keanu patented.)

 

[paranoid marvin]

I made myself unpopular several times by saying I though Rob Roy was a far better film than Braveheart ( I live in Scotland and many people here though Braveheart was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually I live near where several sequences for both were shot and can point out friends and neighbours milling about in the background in both.) Braveheart is Hollywood balls from start to finish. Rob Roy has a recognisable human being in the middle of it. I paraphrase, but there is a moment early in the film where Neeson's character returns home and says: "Hello wife, I think I've pissed off the English. I'm going to hide in the hills for a bit till they bored with looking for me. See to the cows for me will you?" Now that is the voice of a real person not some pumped-up action hero.

I could never understand the popularity for Braveheart with the Scots. It's a story about a man who takes on more than he can cope with , gets betrayed by his own people and ends up being dissected. And to cap it all it's quite possible that he wasn't even Scottish!

Rob Roy on the other hand is about a true Scotsman who uses guile and skill with a sword to outwit and outfight his English counterpart, and ends up making the English look foolish.

Surely he should be a greater inspiration?

 

[Rommel]

Asto the bullets thingy. how about you shoot the person in a car, blood spray the window behind him, yet no bullet hole in the window. Eh? how do you spray blood behind you if no bullet came through?

As the space ships banking i alsways thought it was nertia on the pilot that was the reasonong for banking. YOu turn the spaceship to alter direction. Your body is still going sideways. So you bank and let inertia push you down into the seat. Same as a jet really in that sense. ( iknow the diff of a jet vs space craft for flying purpose, just clearing that here) The banking is not to make the craft turn, but to make the pilot not fall off to the side.

 

[Foxbat]

Speaking as a Scot (OK a Lowland Scot from an area that has occasionally been in England), I also prefer Rob Roy to Braveheart. The latter film kicks in on an emotional level, but if you have any knowledge of the period it falls seriously short. I'm not even sure why they took such liberties with history, as the real thing would still have made for good cinema.

Not as bad as The Patriot though.

I agree. The battle account of Stirling Bridge is much more interesting than that depicted in Braveheart (there was no bridge in Gibson's movie). Braveheart has been described as a Porridge Western. It's the best description I've come across.