Cairo Station Plot Problem

[reiver33]

This relates to the SF story ‘Cairo Station’ and thus contains spoilers for those interested in maintaining their ‘narrative virginity’. For those unwilling to read through the story to date I’ll try to be as succinct as possible;

The story is set in a future where humanity has reached the stars and found nothing of interest. Apparently we are alone in the universe.

Cairo Station is a space station orbiting the planet Cairo (doh!), which is a military logistics hub. The station, never fully completed, is being mothballed due to budget cuts. Without a military presence the planetary economy is in free-fall. Anyone who can get out is making tracks.

The station was designed to house a strategic weapons system; a ‘neutrino cannon’ capable of striking at other worlds via the real-time communications network (tachyon wormholes). It didn’t work.

Cairo Station is run by an embedded artificial intelligence called ‘Stephen’. Stephen has learned that knowledge of the weapon system was selectively removed from his memory. He has recovered both the original specifications and the results of a small-scale (semi-successful) test. Stephen decides to destroy the station (and thus himself) before the cannon becomes fully operational. He considers the death of those transient civilians and personnel who cannot escape in time to be the lesser of two evils. The fact that his memory was adjusted previously now leads him to distrust the operations staff.

That’s the background and the point in the narrative I’ve reached (several postings on from the current stage on the Chrons). I don’t write from notes or plan out a storyline in detail, but this was one of the ‘stepping stones’ I started with and wrote towards.

The narrative main character is Sergeant Gary Cooper (his parents had a sense of humour); gruff, solid, career military – picture the Colonial Marines from ‘Aliens’. The station is set to self-destruct in 20 minutes.

His dilemma; get his squad to safety (group loyalty, no man left behind, Marine Corp ethos, etc.) or go looking for his ex-wife who he knows is trapped aboard (inarticulate regret, some wounds never heal, ah, ‘feelings’). He doesn’t have time to do both.

When I started writing I had this definite sticking point in mind and wrote towards it. Now I’m here I’m still no further forward in resolving the issue of what he does next.

Any suggestions?

 

[hopewrites]

Ask him.

Twice i've been stuck writing and both times I only got out of it by asking the character who was holding the plot hostage what they wanted me to do about it.

in reality this means I had not thought through some aspect of some character in my story and only after carefully penciling in some details about them was I able to move on.
From what you explained here I would do back story on him and his ex, it needn't be included in the story but once you know it you will know which he will chose, if that doesnt pan out for you i would do back story on his military career, has there ever been a time when he would have been left behind/ was left behind/ had to leave someone behind/// how did that effect him. again even if only you as the writer know this it will help you get past the part where you are stuck.

or go for option three.
have him dither about it till time is up and both are lost to indecision.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Does he have a Corporal or equivalent subordinate in his squad? Can he trust this man/woman to do what they are ordered to do to the letter? If so have him say, "Get the squad to X air lock and safety. I will try and join you at Z before T time. If I don't leave without me." That is if you want him to go after his ex-wife

 

[Boneman]

I haven't read the postings of Cairo Station, because I get so engrossed in your writing that I hate waiting for the next bit!! Was going to read it all when it was finished, so some of these questions might already be answered in the text.

1.Could the squad get out without him? Semper Fi is all very well, but his men must be taught to work as a squad when an officer's down, surely? Chain of command and all that...

2. Which decision (when fully weighed up, military-style) has the greatest chance of success?

3. Is he allowed to put sentiment above rationality? (It's those kind of decisions that often really form a character...)

4. Would his men allow him to save them and lose his ex-loved one? (Especially if they know he still loves her...?)

5. Could he live with himself, if he did?

6. If his men really love him, and know how important his ex-wife is, would they not volunteer to help him rescue her?

7. Can he communicate with ex-wife? Would she want him to save himself, because her situatiuon is 'hopeless'?

8. Can he disable Stephen and save the world? Can he appeal to Stephen's better side - amor vincit omnia kind of scenario? (Naturally I assume it's a race against time and any delay by Stephen means the technicians might disable him...)

9. Who is his ex-wife with now? What are the dynamics of her current partner helping her/legging it/her being alone. Is there no one else who can save her? Can she not save herself?

10. Is she worth saving? Is it worth him dying trying to do so?

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure there's more.

 

[Varangian]

Reiver,

This sounds like a really great plot! I guess the SGT's dilemma depends upon the grounds his ex-wife left him. Amicably? Or throwing a large china plate at his head screaming for him to, "get the eff out and don't come back!"

If you look at it from the one hand, there are two definite choices (get his soldiers out, or get his ex-wife out). But on the other hand if he chose to rescue his ex-wife, perhaps there are a few soldiers who are willing to go with him (maybe all of them). If only a few go with him then you can intertwine two stories together at the same time. 1 - The portion of the troop struggling to escape, and 2 - the SGT with a few of his loyal soldiers struggling to rescue his ex-wife.

This sounds like an action packed, fast paced plot!

 

[reiver33]

Spolier alert!

This is the third tale I've written featuring the Sarge (see also The Long Night Of Wilheim Reich and All The Things I've Done) so I've got a good idea of the back story concerning Helen, the now ex-wife.

Cooper met Helen when she worked in the 'Comfort Battalion', the military sponsered brothel. She was 10 years older and he had just made sergeant the first time (he suffers from 'velcro stripes'). They married and got a place on Cairo, in common with a lot of military dependants.

Seven years down the line Helen hooks up with a captain in Logistics and serves Cooper divorce papers. He comes home, busts a length of 2 x 4 over the captain and gets punched in the face by Helen. He punches her back and leaves. He can't compete with someone who is actually there most of the time. They divorced was over 10 years ago now.

Cooper has a new Corporal, Reizac. The one he knew, Dax, got promoted, and both Reizac and McMaster (disgraced former electronics Specialist) were waiting to join the squad when they reached Cairo Station.

Cooper has discovered that Reizac and McMaster are actually there to assassinate Admiral Callas, who is visiting the station as a calming influence during the refugee situation. Apparently this is an authorised op as Command Interstellar want to avoid arresting Callas and putting him on trial. Stephen preempts the hit by activating the station self-destruct sequence.

Cooper is thus wary of Reizac and McMaster, and really doesn't trust the man running the black op, Major Teal. There are only another 3 members of the squad at this point, and Cooper isn't in direct contact with them (the other end of a 100 metre
crawl space). They would be solid, but hooking up with them takes time...

 

[Brian G Turner]

I'm not a military man, but I would expect an officer to use their troops to evacuate as many civilians as it is safe to do so. If the event it is not safe to do so, then an orderly withdrawl to serve whatever orders follow.

All presuming there are no existing orders.

2c.

 

[Interference]

Leave the woman behind, only to have her turn up later - she's more resourceful than he (or you) give her credit for - full of rage and recrimination.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I second that; I'm all for a capable woman!

 

[Interference]

Speak as you know, eh, Springs?

 

[reiver33]

Cooper has discovered his squad are there to serve as cover for the 2-man hit team. As such there is a dedicated shuttle waiting for them on the docking ring - getting his men off the station in the time available shouldn't be a problem. Probably.

Most of the transient civilians were camped out on the station main concourse, rather than using the habitation ring, so that they didn't miss their place on the next available transport. Admiral Callas was due to address the multitude as reassurance no one would be left behind. As part of the security regime the concourse access doors were closed.

Now the alarm has sounded and the station faces imminent destruction, there is panic. Helen may, or may not, be trapped in the crowd - Cooper simply doesn't know. To locate her he needs Stephen to track her visitor ID, which in turn means getting to the station Central Command (400 meters away via a crawl space - I'm not even sure how long that would take!).

Ho hum!

 

[Susan Boulton]

. He comes home, busts a length of 2 x 4 over the captain and gets punched in the face by Helen. He punches her back and leaves. ...

This makes him sound a bully, least to me. How do these actions translate with regards to a man than can lead and inspire others? If his men knew his actions I feel they would not be so certain of him. A man prone to outbursts of such temper would not I think make a good leader.

And I would second Brian's statement.

 

[odangutan]

Leave the woman behind, only to have her turn up later - she's more resourceful than he (or you) give her credit for - full of rage and recrimination.

And infested by the Zer... no, wait.

 

[reiver33]

To try and place his character in context;


It took me three days to reach Cairo, where Helen and I had a place dirtside – this being before Cairo Station was up and running – and I arrived unexpected. There was a Marine working in the yard, wearing uniform shirt and civilian pants, fixing that hole in the fence I’d never got around to. I walked up, lifted a length of two-by-four, and broke it over his nose when he turned. I left it at that though, as he was a captain in Marine logistics, and went in the house.

They were moving out or redecorating or some such, with the carpets rolled back. Helen heard my footsteps on the bare boards and turned, going from smiling to deadpan in nothing flat. I walked up and she smacked me full in the mouth, like this was somehow all my fault. I stood there and spat blood, glaring at her and she glared right back.

“That’s for what you’re about to do, Coop. Understand?”

I nodded and punched her in the face, splitting her lip. Helen staggered back but not that far as, when all’s said and done, she really was a hard bitch. She nodded.

“We’re done. Now get out and don’t come back.”

I got out. I didn’t go back.

It took me four days and a bar fight on Fitzsimmons before I got back, and no one said a word about my absence. The captain in logistics didn’t press charges, or he did and was warned off, given the circumstances. Screwing the wife of a Marine on active duty is one of the real no-no’s, right up there with buggering the Pope. If he’d been from a combat unit I’d have killed him in a fair fight and taken my chances in front of a court martial, simple as that.

 

[Boneman]

Ok, so what part of him feels he has to rescue her? For the storyline? Or because you, the narrator, feel it's right/amusing/retributional to do so? If you can work out his true motivation it will go in the correct direction. Personally (because I'm a sucker for happy endings) I'd have him realise he'd been hoodwinked into bringing the two assassins into a position where they could wreak havoc, and turn his back on the military (who instigated it) tear his stripes off, and go and rescue Helen. They can ride into the sunset, after she punches him again, especially as the Captain saves himself...

Better still, turn it round so she rescues him... Maybe the assassins dump him somewhere as they know he'll rat on them as soon as they're planetside and safe...

 

[Mark R]

Which option is going to be more satisfying from a dramatic standpoint? Do we want this person to go against his acquired morality for a woman he still has feelings for, or do we want him to be the upstanding soldier to the last?

In your shoes I would look at who I have established better relationships for with that character in the story, and then put those in jeopardy because it will likely secure more reader interest.

 

[ctg]

The femme fatale is a secondary character, but she also serves a purpose of bringing in the romance and danger, so as others has already advised I would leave Helen to her own devices. She will save herself. Fear not. Just concentrate on bringing the story closer to the A.I. and the drama Sarge brings in it with his fascinating troops.

If you do that, Helen brings infame to herself, and might give you even new options as and when you progress the story forward. And that is what I sensed when you brought that character into the play.

You might even send Helen to her death - which she obviously escapes - and when you bring her around the next time, she's more powerful and more dramatic than at the first time around. Sarge might be even shocked.

Think about it.

I have full confidence in you.

Trust yourself. You will take you to the next level in the art of crafting the stories.

Isn't that what you want?

 

[David B]

Assuming Cairo Station is a sizeable orbital, there should be a number of escape exits with waiting lifeboats. As the self-destruct siren is sounding, his ex-wife could make for the nearest and eject in an escape pod.

In the confusion and without the assistance of the Station AI there might be no guarantee everyone is accounted for. This could require a final sweep by the military even if she is safe.

Equally, the Station AI might take exception to anyone not heading for an exit - suspecting their motives. When Gary heads back inside to search for his wife/civilians, the Station AI might start:

1. blocking his access route by sealing its pressure doors.
2. sucking air out of sections he is in.
3. order some of its repair robots to attack with welding torches or tools.

Clearly, his chances would be better if he was wearing a spacesuit and equiped with weapons and explosives.

 

[Varangian]

Reiver, I just read your history of the relationship between the SGT and Helen. Sounds complicated. I can see why he'd leave her behind if he chose to do so. Whether he was away most of the time or not, it sounds like she cheated on him.

Having said that, however, having the SGT hit Helen is not a good look, mainly because men who hit women are usually weak men (no matter how boisterous and tough they appear) and as an ex-soldier, I know I would have zero respect for a commander that hits women. I don't see any problem with him having a stoush with the Captain.

As for him rescuing his ex-wife, that's a tough one mate, flip a coin?

 

[reiver33]

I'm not a fan of hitting women and it's not something I've ever done myself, but the Sarge-Helen dynamic is 'justified' by - if not fully based on - a married relationship I witnessed some years back. Both parties would evidence physical abuse, actually him more than her, but thats by the by.

However, in respect of the above incident I saw this as a one-time thing by Cooper, rather than indicating a history of abuse. That's not an excuse, but the circumstances were exceptional. I've never pretended he's whiter-than-white.