Generic Query Letter

[Peter Graham]

I'm starting to wonder if my query letter for UK agents will end up being like 4 lines, I have very little to say other than the plot of the book.

"Hi, I'm looking for representation, here is my hook, thanks."

For the UK, your letter needs to cover the following (in no particular order):-

1. Very brief taster of what the book is about.

2. Who is your target audience?

3. How long it is.

4. Why you are approaching that particular agent.

5. What other books is it like?

6. A bit about you. What qualifies you to write this book?


Regards,

Peter

 

[Warren_Paul]

Thanks for the list Peter.


Here is a new version for UK agents to see if I'm on the right track once more. I've saved that US one though for if I seek representation in the US.

-----------------------------------------------------


Dear [Agent Name]

I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, A Touch of Ice. Complete at 155,000 words; it is the first of a potential six books in my Legend of the Sunstone series, with room for further side stories. Targeted at an adult audience, A Touch of Ice draws inspiration from The Wayfarer Redemption novels by Sara Douglass, where an angel like race is featured in a fictional world, and Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen series, where normal, everyday people are chosen to ascend into greater powers.

Because you have represented the following authors in this genre: [ADD NAMES HERE], I believe you might be interested in my manuscript.

Emylynn’s fate was decided the day she was born, when she was chosen by Gaia to be the vessel of Hydrae, a reincarnated seraphim goddess. But in order for her to be the goddess’ vessel, Emylynn has to die.

I've grown up living and breathing books, from the moment I picked up my first Hardy Boys mystery, to my extensive collection of fantasy novels, I have never stopped reading. Inspired by the books I read, I have combined epic fantasy with urban mythology, to create the Kingdom of Westland and the Eastern Empires, where witches are burned at the stake, angels are worshipped as gods, and demons rule as emperors.

As per guidelines, I have included a synopsis and sample chapters. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,
Warren Paul

 

[Peter Graham]

You need to sort your grammar and sentence stucture out, but in terms of content, that looks like a pretty good UK query letter to me.

Regards,

Peter

 

[Hex]

Hi there -- here are a couple of little points that occurred to me as I was reading this. Looks good, though.

I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, A Touch of Ice. Complete at 155,000 words; No semi-colon here. How about a comma? it is the first of a potential six books in my Legend of the Sunstone series, with room for further side stories. Targeted at an adult audience, A Touch of Ice draws inspiration from The Wayfarer Redemption novels by Sara Douglass, where an angel[should you have a hyphen here?] like race is featured in a fictional world, and Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen series, where normal, everyday people are chosen to ascend into [to rather than into?]greater powers.

Because you have represented the following authors in this genre: [ADD NAMES HERE], I believe you might be interested in my manuscript.

Emylynn’s fate was decided the day she was born, when she was chosen by Gaia to be the vessel of Hydrae, a reincarnated seraphim goddess. But in order for her to be the goddess’ vessel, Emylynn has to die.

I've grown up living and breathing books,[something stronger than a comma here. I'd go for a full-stop, myself.] from the moment I picked up my first Hardy Boys mystery, to my extensive collection of fantasy novels, I have never stopped reading. [something odd happens in the middle there -- it's 'to my extensive collection', I think. Do you mean 'collection' as in 'collecting'? Have a look and see what you think.]Inspired by the books I read, I have combined epic fantasy with urban mythology, to create the Kingdom of Westland and the Eastern Empires, where witches are burned at the stake, angels are worshipped as gods, and demons rule as emperors.

As per guidelines, I have included a synopsis and sample chapters. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,
Warren Paul

 

[Warren_Paul]

sorry hex, thanks for the help, was just about to post up a new version when I saw you had posted a critique, thanks though.


I have a bad habit for making sentences too long, lets see if I can fix it...

-----------------------------------------


Dear [Agent Name]

I am seeking representation for my adult epic fantasy novel, A Touch of Ice, complete at 155,000 words. It is the first of a potential six books in my Legend of the Sunstone series, with room for further side stories. I have found the angel-like Icari of Sara Douglass’ The Wayfarer Redemption series to be a great inspiration for my novel. Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen series also draws several similarities to my novel with his world where normal human beings are chosen to ascend into godhood.

Because you have represented the following authors in this genre: [ADD NAMES HERE], I believe you might be interested in my manuscript.

Emylynn’s fate was decided the day she was born, when she was chosen by Gaia to be the vessel of Hydrae, a reincarnated seraphim goddess. But in order for her to be the goddess’ vessel, Emylynn has to die.

I've grown up living and breathing books. I have never stopped reading, from the moment I picked up my first Hardy Boys mystery, to my extensive collecting of fantasy novels. Inspired by the books I read, I have combined epic fantasy with urban mythology to create the Kingdom of Westland and the Eastern Empires, where witches are burned at the stake, angels are worshipped as gods, and demons rule as emperors.

As per the guidelines, I have included a synopsis and sample chapters. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,
Warren Paul


--------------------------

the collecting bit is still where I get caught up myself. I want to say obsessive craving... could I? "to my obsessive craving for fantasy novels"


also:

Emylynn’s fate was decided the day she was born, when she was chosen by Gaia to be the vessel of Hydrae, a reincarnated seraphim goddess. But in order for her to be the goddess’ vessel, Emylynn has to die.

is the hook good?

 

[Warren_Paul]

Hi there -- here are a couple of little points that occurred to me as I was reading this. Looks good, though.

Thanks Hex. Its surprising how horrible your writing looks once you have slept on it, the version I posted after your feedback I thought horrible too. I took your advice and came up with this:

----------------------------------------------


Dear [Agent Name]

I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, A Touch of Ice. Complete at 155,000 words, it is the first of a potential six books in my Legend of the Sunstone series, with room for further side stories. Targeted at an adult audience, A Touch of Ice draws inspiration from The Wayfarer Redemption novels by Sara Douglass, and Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen, where an angel-like race is featured in a mythical world and normal, everyday people are chosen to ascend to greater powers

Because you have represented the following authors in this genre: [ADD NAMES HERE], I believe you might be interested in my manuscript.

Emylynn’s fate was decided the day she was born, when she was chosen by Gaia to be the vessel of Hydrae, a reincarnated seraphim goddess. But in order for her to be the goddess’ vessel, Emylynn has to die.

I've grown up living and breathing books. I have never stopped reading, from the moment I picked up my first Hardy Boys mystery, to my obsessive craving for fantasy novels. Inspired by the books I read, I have combined epic fantasy with urban mythology to create the Kingdom of Westland and the Eastern Empires, where witches are burned at the stake, angels are worshipped as gods, and demons rule as emperors.

As per the guidelines, I have included a synopsis and sample chapters. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,
Warren Paul

 

[Warren_Paul]

Turns out my US version needs a lot more work. I'm posting both updated versions here. a wee bit frustrating that the way query letters are written is so different depending on what part of the world you are sending them too.

My preferred one is definitely the UK version personally.

---------------------------------------------------
US VERSION:


Dear [Agent Name]

Emylynn’s fate was decided the day she was born, when she was chosen to be the vessel of a reincarnated seraphim goddess. But in order to become the goddess’ vessel, Emylynn has to die.

Some destinies are hard to avoid, for Emylynn it began when an acquaintance of her father arrived on her doorstep. If Emylynn had known at the time that Brandt carried the stolen artefact a foreign emperor desperately wanted to recover, she would have sent him away at first chance. Too late for regrets, Emylynn, along with her younger sister, are driven from their home with the invasion of the emperor’s armies. To protect her sister, Emylynn must fight to save the kingdom from a demon-led army, while trying to discover the dark secret to the stolen artefact. Only Emylynn can prevent the world from being consumed by demons, but the more Emylynn fights, the more she draws nearer to that destined fate she has been trying so hard to avoid.

I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, A TOUCH OF ICE, complete at 155,000 words. As per guidelines, I have included a synopsis and sample chapters.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,


--------------------------------------------------------------------

UK VERSION


Dear [Agent Name]

I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, A Touch of Ice. Complete at 155,000 words, it is the first of a potential six books in my Legend of the Sunstone series, with room for further side stories. Targeted at an adult audience, A Touch of Ice draws inspiration from The Wayfarer Redemption novels by Sara Douglass, and Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen, where an angel-like race is featured in a mythical world and normal, everyday people are chosen to ascend to greater powers

Because you have represented the following authors in this genre: [ADD NAMES HERE], I believe you might be interested in my manuscript.

Emylynn’s fate was decided the day she was born, when she was chosen to be the vessel of a reincarnated seraphim goddess. But in order to become the goddess’ vessel, Emylynn has to die.

I've grown up living and breathing books. I have never stopped reading, from the moment I picked up my first Hardy Boys mystery, to my obsessive craving for fantasy novels. Inspired by the books I read, I have combined epic fantasy with urban mythology to create the Kingdom of Westland and the Eastern Empires, where witches are burned at the stake, angels are worshipped as gods, and demons rule as emperors.

As per the guidelines, I have included a synopsis and sample chapters. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.

Sincerely,

 

[Susan Boulton]

I would remove the word, 'complete', as that is a given. (An agent is not going to look at a submission of an incomplete novel, unless you haven a proven sales track record and you are pitching your next project.) I would put;
'I am seeking representation for my 155,000 word, epic fantasy novel, 'A Touch of Ice.' (also no need to use italics it looks a bit pretentious, as if the agent needs help on finding the title of your book.)
And I would make that my first line of any query, always, least that's what I did.

 

[Warren_Paul]

I would remove the word, 'complete', as that is a given. (An agent is not going to look at a submission of an incomplete novel, unless you haven a proven sales track record and you are pitching your next project.) I would put;
'I am seeking representation for my 155,000 word, epic fantasy novel, 'A Touch of Ice.' (also no need to use italics it looks a bit pretentious, as if the agent needs help on finding the title of your book.)
And I would make that my first line of any query, always, least that's what I did.

ok, cool, those are easy edits to fix

As for making it the first line. In the UK version definitely, which I have done.

But according to Agentquery.com the hook should always come first on the letter in the US. Apparently what they say goes. Their standard is what agents are expecting.

I agree that it seems better to put the "seeking representation" bit first, but apparently that's a no, no.

 

[Susan Boulton]

ok, cool, those are easy edits to fix

As for making it the first line. In the UK version definitely, which I have done.

But according to Agentquery.com the hook should always come first on the letter in the US. Apparently what they say goes. Their standard is what agents are expecting.

I agree that it seems better to put the "seeking representation" bit first, but apparently that's a no, no.

Honestly I think you are over thinking it, I put it first in both my US and UK submissions and it did not stop agents from both sides of the pond requesting sample chapters. If the hook interests them it does not matter if it comes first or not.

 

[Warren_Paul]

alright, I'll relax then

I think they are pretty much sorted now then. I can move on, yay! Time to go crack open a beer.

then get back to finding 10k words to delete...