Paragraphing dialogue

[Grimbear]

I guess it all depends how many characters are present. If it's only two you can get away with a lot more. If you're describing a larger conv of four, five people then you're going to have to make it really clear who's doing the talking.

 

[Venusian Broon]

I'd agree with I, Brian - just the act of inserting an action inbetween the two bits of dialogue gives a natural pause to the reading that is more than sufficient. And if you are in a very complicated bit of dialogue with more than two characters, then splitting someone's continued speech up onto different paragraphs can be an easy source of confusion.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

So, I'm going to butt in. I'm reviewing WIP for rogue dialogue tags and wondering where the balance is. Sometimes they seem to add to the flavour, giving an essence that the words themselves can't convey.

eg.

Sonly walked away when her brother’s terse tone answered and quickly outlined her conversation with Rjala.

“You know you should have brought this directly to me?”

“Yes, I know, I just didn’t want to seem like an idiot if the idea is no good,” she said. Sometimes such tactics worked well with Eevan.

He paused and replied in an even colder voice. “Don’t play games with me, Sonly; I know you’re far too clever for that. Put Colonel Rjala on.”

Is this okay? Or too many. i think it's clear who's speaking and i think we need to know his demeanour gets colder. If they shouldn't be there, how do i show it? he's on a comms unit, but even face to face? Without it seeming clumsy.

 

[Grimbear]

Sonly walked away when her brother’s terse tone answered and quickly outlined her conversation with Rjala.

I had no problem with any of it - all worked fine and was clear who was speaking - except the first sentence here threw me. Why was she walking away? Does she turn back when her brother answers or carry on walking? Who quickly outlines the conversation with Rjala? The way you put it it could be either of them.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I think it's clearer in the main text: Rjala has just handed her a comms unit and told her to call Eevan, and this happens at the end of a conversation between Sonly and Rjala.

Now, checking back to see if it is obvious.

 

[Brian G Turner]

Sonly walked away when her brother’s terse tone answered and quickly outlined her conversation with Rjala.

Think it's a clumsy sentence, to be honest.

Three verbs, two characters - I can't tell who speaks the line of dialogue that follows.

I might presume Sonly, but then the brother I think may be the speaker.

You've made Sonly the focus, then moved onto a new sentence.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

If I lost a couple of the verbs and descriptors?

Sonly walked away when her brother answered and outlined her conversation with Rjala.

It breaks up the two conversations, so I think there needs to be an action in there.

 

[Hex]

I think the problem is the comms unit -- it makes it confusing out of context. How about:

When her brother answered, Sonly walked away (from...).

She outlined her conversation with Rjala.

"You know you should have..."

etc.

I think you have enough but not too many. My word. We're agreeing on dialogue tags. The sky may fall.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I think you're right and in context its fine. But I shall now chew over those 10 words for half an hour, and I quite like your version...

Incorrigible word theft ahoy!


Apparently there's been a terrible event somewhere west of the mull of kintyre and they've announced a no fly zone.

 

[Gumboot]

I'm with those who say each character's dialogue should be on a new paragraph.

I also think breaking up a character's dialogue into multiple paragraphs is fine. Generally in my experience when this is done writers will not put a closing quote mark, for example:

'A character may speak for a long time, perhaps telling a story or recounting some important lesson, or attempting to inspire their armies to war.
'If a paragraph break seems reasonable the first paragraph won't have a closing quote mark, but the new paragraph will have an opening quote mark. This ensures the reader knows it's still the same speaker.'

Make sense?

Ultimately though, I think as long as the reader isn't confused, you're fine. I, for example, try to avoid dialogue tags as much as I can when dealing with a short snappy exchange. It's a technique I first experienced reading Terry Pratchett, and I definitely prefer it, probably because of my background in film where obviously screenplays don't have dialogue tags.

 

[Boneman]

Can I tag a query here, rather than starting a new thread? (Since it's germaine to the conversation...)

Which of these is correct? Is it acceptable/permissable/preferable to use the second version, or should I stick with version one which , which I think 'looks' better?

“There may be ironworkers... like I was, in Talamis. Would you look them out?”
I hesitated.
“I know I have no right to ask you, Brydon,” she went on.” It’s just that... the Temple is more powerful than the Aldermen, I know they would help you.”

“There may be ironworkers... like I was, in Talamis. Would you look them out?” I hesitated. “I know I have no right to ask you, Brydon,” she went on.” It’s just that... the Temple is more powerful than the Aldermen, I know they would help you.”

 

[The Judge]

As written, version one is best, otherwise the "I" is potentially confusing following the dialogue. If you had "... out?" she said. I hesitated. "I know..." or something like "... out?" She saw my hesitation. "I know..." that would avoid any confusion and allow for it all to be in the same paragraph.

 

[Boneman]

Thanks TJ, I knew you'd know!

 

[Gumboot]

Can I tag a query here, rather than starting a new thread? (Since it's germaine to the conversation...)

Which of these is correct? Is it acceptable/permissable/preferable to use the second version, or should I stick with version one which , which I think 'looks' better?

I think the Judge's advice is sound, but one thing I like to consider is pacing. Putting dialogue on new lines can help to slow the reader down just that little bit. So I'd ask myself how long your character hesitates. If it's only an instant before she keeps talking, it makes sense to be on the one paragraph, as in version 2 (with The Judge's amendment).

But if it's a longer pause, to me it works better if you break it up like in version 1.