1000th post -- zombies and a spaceship (1,500 words loooong)

Status
Not open for further replies.
The Judge said:
I understood "Government reassurances, military confidence -- it all meant nothing. " to mean that the govt had been reassuring them there was nothing to fear -- which would only happen if the govt knew there was a problem. (Govt denials always come first even if a problem is known about...) And if the govt knew that, then they would already have started some kind of cemetary-isolation exercise if only by way of public reassurance.

But again, all it needs is a sentence or two to make it clear, eg something like "The first attacks had been reported on the news only the night before. I'd thought they were a hoax."
Click to expand...

I think that's the way it would happen. The government would know there is a problem, because people are disappearing. Are there dismembered bits scattered about the streets? Must be serial killers "celebrating" the anniversary of Jack the Ripper. Do the Risen eat every last bite? Must be kidnappers making people disappear. Even if a famous reporter gets eaten alive on national TV while reporting on the zombie hoax, most people will assume it's all done with special effects to boost ratings, and has April Fool's Day come early this year?

Government assurances would concentrate on the increased police presence that will make any kidnappers or serial killers think twice before messing with our citizens.
 
Glitch said:
I find a good exercise when I'm having a trouble with the start is to go back before the event. Try writing Isabel's life a day or so before the zombies show up. The true beginning often presents itself.
Click to expand...

This can work, too. Show us the normal life that is about to be taken away from her...
 
I want to read more of your story, so many loose ends that I wish could be resolved. I agree with them that say start before it begins. But I also think it could be good starting where you are if you would just add some more details. Just a few lines could do it.

I love your story, understand this though, I hate zombies and I hate Romance stories but this is on that I definitely would read.

What are the Risen made of? A good question, you mentioned pollution and dirt so I assumed they were dirt monsters that took on human shape. They came from the cemeteries because the pollution was worst where the bodies were buried. But then again I could be way off base what do you think?
 
All of Judges comments and the following (I felt robbed as well HareBrain, even if I’m very late to this thread) .

From a male point of view the pilots approaches were too 1970’s for me, ‘Me Tarzan – You Jane’. The eye contact scene was good but the chat up line scene had me thinking no, this is not quite working for me. In the modern world of post feminism us poor guys have had to get really clever to get ahead if you get my drift. But to be fair, I have used worse chat up lines on a Saturday night. More of a mix of direct and indirect which ties up with my final point below.

Each of the little sections could easily expanded upon and developed as there was a lot of really good stuff skipped over. If you’re planning a short story then this is very well written, if this is a book why are you rushing.

Enjoyable Hex thank you but I’m left with more questions than answers.
Almost forgot, 1k posts, well done.
 
Why will no one accept the dangers of fudge??

Thanks, Bowler. It's nice to get a man's perspective on the chat up line :)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
CTRandall 1000th-post post Critiques 10
Vaz 1000th... And one Post Critique Critiques 26
Dan Jones 1000th Post! New WIP - 1st Chapter - Man O'War Critiques 21
Jo Zebedee 11000th post Critiques 19
jastius 1000th post, 973 words of a Young Adult draft Critiques 16

Similar threads


Back
Top