I enjoyed the prose and thought it worked well.
Where I personally found the piece weakened was in the use of dialogue - IMO dialogue should be relatively concise and aiming to convey specific information that is important for the story or character development. I think there are a few lines here you can look to remove, or cover from a character POV. For example, repetition on staying at their post, or being handed a coat.
Aside from that, looking good.
Where I personally found the piece weakened was in the use of dialogue - IMO dialogue should be relatively concise and aiming to convey specific information that is important for the story or character development. I think there are a few lines here you can look to remove, or cover from a character POV. For example, repetition on staying at their post, or being handed a coat.
Aside from that, looking good.
