75 WORD WRITING CHALLENGE -- November 2012 --TDZ and Hex share the Victory!

[StilLearning]

Burning Roses.

“Liege, take my horse!”

Chaos roars about Richard of Lancaster: Welsh holo-banners are closing. Semtex headed arrows flash overhead.

The traitorous Stanleys hack into his men.

Ignoring his squires offer, he pulls a remote detonator from his kingly mohawk, and prays:

Damn the star-ship, the pilot, and the knowledge they gave. Forgive us, Lord.

He takes one last lungful of marijuana smoke.

“Tudors! Traitors! Behold your just reward!“

Nuclear fire engulfs Bosworth field.

 

[chrispenycate]

Might Plymouth sound?

“Magister Dee, we do beseech thine aid,
Thou knowst at Gravelines armada waits
Crusading soldiers loaded gunwale high.
Inquisition's mages who would burn
Elisabeth – and thee – for sorcery,
Claiming monopoly of divine intent.”
“Gainst heretics who clain Gods provenance
I'll summon storm, no fleet may venture forth;
Incendiary vessels tempest cannot quell.
Medina Sedonia's tercios shall not
precipitate Iberic occupation
No-one expects the Spanish conflagration”​

Exeunt, barred by a Bard

 

[David Evil Overlord]

Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?​

Michael just made a little change. He married Greek steam power with Roman chariots. In Elizabethan England.

‘Women love racing carriage riders?’

‘Women love winners,’ Michael said. ‘I’ll teach you how to win.’ Don’t do what I did at Boslingworth Boy’s School. Social media never forgets.

With Shakespeare safely racing steam carriages, Michael returned to his time machine. His future past would never include the burning shame of starring as Juliet in the school play.

 

[Kylara]

Phoenix


The dragon was breathing fire.

It wasn’t supposed to be, but one of the peasants had dropped a torch, and now the months of toil spent building the wretched thing were wasted. It was burning prettily though, all firey greens, purples and reds; thoughts of the Bailiff’s anger dousing any joy found within the flames licking up around the burning workers.

The dragon was dying. Turning into the most beautiful of creatures in its death.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Harington’s Muse

Henry clambered atop the wheeled monstrosity, 'How does it work?'
'Your Majesty steers with that.'
'And I sit here?' He pointed to a bench.
'Well-'
'Spit it out, man!'
'You must remove your breeches.'

After much puffing the royal breeches came down.

'This is quicker than horseback?'
'Much!'

Henry grunted and lay prone on the bench, backside exposed.

'Now?'

The inventor walked to the rear of the King with a lighted torch.

'Relax your bowels.'

 

[alchemist]

A Cunning Plan


Alonso bows. "Majesty, it is ready."

I nod, my finger poised, and think of her, the one who rejected my proposal,who steals my gold, who sets fire to my ships as she did my heart. But today, I will burn what she holds most dear.

I press <Enter> and the Armada Virus is loosed upon the Tudornet.

Let's see how the redheaded bitch likes it when she can't access her Twitter account.

 

[Scott R. Forshaw]

Elizabeth I: An Angry Old Bird​

“Fire!”

The Queen giggled, clapping her hands excitedly, as one rather perplexed chicken soared through the air, and crashed headlong into a not so joyous pig.

“Oh what fun, your Majesty,” said a grinning courtier. “One of Sir Walter's imports?”

Queen Elizabeth frowned. “No, t'was the work of my recently beheaded Astrologer, John Dee. He gifted me a wondrous device, from the future he'd claimed.”

“Then why behead him, Ma'am?”

“He'd lost the bloody charger.”

 

[Aun Doorback]

There is no future in England's dreaming


The Vatican’s hired hand - The Apollo of Lisbon.

Ashore at Plymouth and bound for London.

At Hampton court he announced his purpose with Ottoman pistols in both hands.

‘Quench the candles, fellows, for I have a message from the Papacy to your excommunicated King.’

Codpieces quivered.

‘Bollox to you Henry.You’re fired!’ He yelled, before discharging his guns.

‘God save the Pope’ He offered and head butted the Archbishop of Canterbury on the way out.

 

[Boneman]

Indigestion​

"Ungat... ungat... ungat... Bleow!"

Fire bloomed as he threw up. Seventeen earrings, a tongue stud, three nose clips, two nipple piercings and one large ring the dragon didn't even want to think about, shot across the cave.

"Feel better?"

"A bit."

"Serves you right."

"Look, I was hungry, okay? It wandered in here, what was I supposed to do? Let it go?"

His father stalked in, lashing his tail.

"What's he done?"

"Chewed a punk."

 

[Starbeast]

Vagabond Punishment Center:
Burning Line For Children Below the Age of Ten​

​

England 1581

"Fancy meeting you here John. You've seen Paul?"
"Dead, broke his neck during a football match."
"Oh. George?"
"Dysentery, then rats ate him. I wish I had money."
"You can join a workhouse."
"Bad food, brutal discipline, it's like school. Pardon me, I'm next in line."

"Hold still boy."

"Ok, I...NNNNNNAAAAAGH! The workhouse huh?"

"Next!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH! Yes."
"What would we do there?"
"Make toys for the king."
"Ok, lead the way Elton."

 

[mosaix]

But I Have The Heart and Stomach of a…

“Lord Walsingham, what news?”

“Your Majesty, once again the conspirator Icke stirs insurrection in the provinces. We learn he is to put abroad that magical lizards and dragons have tainted your royal lineage.”

“Icke again? This angers me greatly! Your plan?”

“He’s in Paris. Our agents will dispose of him this very eve - ’twill appear but a riding accident.”

“It is well done. Go now.”

Alone, Elizabeth turned and belched flames into the fireplace.

 

[chopper]

We Built Our Own Worlde


“'swounds! Will you write your way from this farce?”
“Not bloody likely.” The Bard pauses, ducks another elfin volley. “I'm out of ink!”
“Verily, a poore situationne!” - Burbage, archaically. “And 'tis of your devising!”
“Burn the bloody script!” - Alleyn, limping. “'sblood!”
Will laughs. “Of course! A scheme! Hasten, brothers!”
Vein opened, he scripts blood upon earth. Imagination cloaks them inside fearsome armories.
And thus armed, they charge headlong into the swords of a thousand fey!








[exit, pursued by a Bear]

 

[Parson]

Saved from the Fire
​

Father George knew a heretic’s fire awaited William the poet, so: “Queen Mary will not tolerate Protestantism.”

“Mary, Mary,
quite Contrary,”
​

“Have a care, her graveyard is full.”

“How does your garden grow?"
​

“I am not a gardener! Perhaps a turn from the screw or the ball buster is to your liking?”

“With silver bells
and cockle shells,”
​

“You impudent heretic! It will be the maiden for you!”

“And pretty maids all in a row.”
​

 

[High Eight]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]DISSOLUTION[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]In the end, that January night, the dying king is deserted by everybody but his priest. The cold room is full of the sound of his laboured breathing and the stench of the gangrenous ulcers on his legs.[/FONT]

“[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Sire, do you trust in Christ for your salvation?”[/FONT]

“[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Monks!” The king looks beyond the priest's shoulder[/FONT]

“[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Sire?”[/FONT]

“[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Monks!..... Monks!”[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The king's last breath rattles in his throat.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The hooded shadows close in.[/FONT]

 

[HareBrain]

Doublet oh seven


Even riding through London’s crowds, James couldn’t lose Dedodeoro’s pursuing Spanish agents. Time for the secret weapon he’d been shown beneath a branch at Kew: ‘The principles of Greek Fire applied to equine digestion’, spymaster Walsingham called it. Crying ‘Glorianus!’ James wrenched his stallion Martin’s ear, and a mix of excrement and naphtha spewed across Pudding Lane. The Spaniards disappeared in the spreading conflagration. James smirked, lighting a potato. He was ahead of his time.

 

[johnnyjet]

Incident at the Dragon Parade

It was a beautiful day for a parade.

The parade honored the guard dragons of the King's Court. The dragons were bedecked in purple silk scarves and flowing white robes. Musicians and jugglers and wizards entertained the crowds. Horses and goats and unicorns paraded down the avenue.

The King and Queen waved from their balcony as the parade passed by.

As they were trained, the dragons spouted flames when they saw the King wave.

"Oops!"

 

[The Judge]

Franciscus Draco – Firedrake


“For Drake he was a Devon – ”

.....“Stop that caterwauling and ready the daguerreotypes. Cadiz is coming up on the port bow and Bess wants this recorded.”

“That the Spanish Armadillo, then?”

.....“That’s next year. This is singeing the King of Spain’s beard.”

“Singing a beard?”

.....“Singe, singe. Why do you think we brought Frankie along? Right, Frankie. Here’s the naphtha, there’s the lighter, over there’s the Spanish fleet. And don’t get bloody hiccups this time.”

 

[Moonbat]

Insincere


“What's it called?” He asked

“An Infernometre.” I answered.

“And it can deduce a man's innocence or guilt?”

“Exactly, the crystals express a representation of the afterlife. If I make my Lord the subject we should see a white clouding of the crystals, representing the palace of God. Ah!”

“What's wrong?”

“I see nothing but the eternal fires of Hell, my Lord.”

The Bishop of Bath & Wells blushed.

 

[James Coote]

The New World

Watchman Percy tugged his liferope experimentally, cautiously peering over the galleon's bow. Lurid swirls, blue, pink gazed back - Cortezia: Exotic celestial ocean of levitating islands, entered through portals in the new world. Here too, England sought to muscle in on Spanish discoveries.
____Light! Gunpowder flash caught his eye.
____"Four and below!” he bellowed. Rigging lashed taught, ballast tumbled from the hull. They listed starboard, till cannon sights, eyeing Spanish prey, spewed forth thunderous fire!

 

[TheDustyZebra]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The First (and Last) Voyage of the HMTM Medina Sidonia[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Our destination was the Spanish Armada's great victory.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]It wasn't our fault our controls got firebombed. Eventually, we got everyone back to when they belonged, but ...things happened.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]This guy da Vinci drew everything he saw, and Mercator copied our map. [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Copernicus, Galileo and Brahe fought over the window view in orbit.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Somebody stole our calendar.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]That fellow More went exploring in 2435, and another dude wouldn't stop spouting poetry.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Muse of fire, my butt.[/FONT]