4000th post -- Mother Scape: 1400 words

[HareBrain]

Thanks Geoff and Joan.

It's not clear what this triangle is, or looks like.

I just meant the enclosure formed by her arms and her body when her hands are both on the spoon. But I'll try to think of a less odd way of putting it, something like reaching around the animals.

It's not as a criticism then that I bring up the fact that just once I wish I could find a case where the god(dess) was in a pleasant oak paneled office behind a big desk and seated in a leather chair wearing a nice Versace/Armani into which you were buzzed by a bored secretary

Later on in the series there might be a chance to use something like this. It's a nice image. There's also something like it in Michael Swanwick's The Iron Dragon's Daughter.

 

[hopewrites]

I just meant the enclosure formed by her arms and her body when her hands are both on the spoon. But I'll try to think of a less odd way of putting it, something like reaching around the animals.

while I agree that the wording was a bit awkward, I hope you wont lose the triangle all together when you do the rewrite. It's the symbol of womanhood and The Mother in so many cultures that, for me, the awkwardness was more than forgivable to get the symbol in and drive home that this really was The Mother, not just some crazy lady living in a swamp.

just my opinion though, I promise not to hate you forever if it has to go sometimes it's hard to keep imagery we, as writers, love and still have everything flow beautifully.

 

[HareBrain]

while I agree that the wording was a bit awkward, I hope you wont lose the triangle all together when you do the rewrite. It's the symbol of womanhood and The Mother in so many cultures that, for me, the awkwardness was more than forgivable to get the symbol in and drive home that this really was The Mother, not just some crazy lady living in a swamp.

I guess it had better stay then. Thanks!

(My only qualm about keeping it is that it makes me seem cleverer and more subtle than I am.)

 

[hopewrites]

so what your really saying is that sometimes your so subtle that even you dont pick up on the awesomeness you've infused into your writing?

neat trick!

 

[Gary Compton]

Allreet Harebrain.

My new years resolution was to stop rabbitting on aboot me dislexia and get stuck into the critiques. Excuse the pun!

You never know, I might talk one word of sense.

Anyway, I read this and my God you're good. I didn't realise how good you are (I hate you). So a hearty slap on the back for this piece.

I'm not even going to mention the comma that was 3.3 degrees out of alignment cos the part of the story posted was brilliant.

The first para made me pour myself a drink and salute you freakin marvellous

Have you submitted this yet. I would've thought you would have alot of interest. Good luck

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Go you, Gary, you really helped my thread last night.

 

[Gary Compton]

Go you, Gary, you really helped my thread last night.

Really?

My God thanks. I know I come across as a hairy bottomed geordie, with as much finesse as Vlad the Impaler at a cocktail stick convention but I always worry I might upset some, so I keep away.

I don't think I'm any good at critiquing but I'm trying, the wife says

Sorry HB for hijacking your thread

 

[Boneman]

Congratulations HB on 4,000 posts. I like Hana more and more, even tho' she was a secondary character in book one, and I like the fact that she's risking a lot trying to do this...the atmposphere is very disturbing - I thought the earth mother would be light and air, a bit Gaia-ish, and even Hana wants to see that side of things, so this 'reality' is doubly good because it's against reader's (my own) expectations as well. When will Hare develop a bit more backbone? He should know what to expect in this scape, surely? But it's ramped up the tension for what's to come extremely well.

 

[Droflet]

Nice, HB. Congrats on the 4k. T

 

[HareBrain]

Thanks Gary, Boneman and Telford. I'm still struggling with the section that comes after this bit, so those comments were a nice boost.

 

[JoanDrake]

Oh darn, I forgot, congrats on the 4K, much belated, very sorry.

Just as a curiousity, have you ever viewed the anime Eureka 7. It is supposedly based on The Golden Bough, a classic reference on Mythology and probably the only well-known and modern one that is NOT influenced by Joseph Campbell's Theories

 

[HareBrain]

Just as a curiousity, have you ever viewed the anime Eureka 7. It is supposedly based on The Golden Bough, a classic reference on Mythology and probably the only well-known and modern one that is NOT influenced by Joseph Campbell's Theories

I hadn't heard of Eureka 7 till you mentioned it. I had a quick look on Wikipedia and Amazon but couldn't see any obvious connection with The Golden Bough, which I have read and which had some influence on my WIP. (It also strongly influenced Robert Graves's The White Goddess, I think -- not that I'm drawing any comparison!!) I know the idea of a divine spirit of the planet is popular in anime, though.