Please help me punctuate this sentence

I like version 2, and that's how I would have written it. None of them come out exactly as I would speak them (you'd need semi-commas for that, and BTW, when is someone going to invent those?) but 2 is closest.
 
Ooh, now there's a topic ripe for argument! I wouldn't be surprised if it's already come up somewhere, and I'd hazard a guess that the general feeling is that it comes down to personal preference.

Out of interest, have you asked your friend about your example?
 
Semi-colons in dialogue are usually frowned upon as far as I know. My version might include a dash in the first position, thus:

We all wish to protect those we love - but, if you are to commit your life to her, you must trust her to share your cares and to keep your secrets.

Or maybe put a full stop in the first position for an even stronger break, thus:

We all wish to protect those we love. But, if you are to commit your life to her, you must trust her to share your cares and to keep your secrets.
 
We had a long thread on dialogue semi colons that didn't resolve the issue. Grammatically, there is no reason they can't be, the question seems to be over whether the person speaking would know they're using a semi and therefore can a semi ever be right. My take on it is that if grammatically it's a semi, then it is in dialogue, too. That definitely wasn't the universal take. But, I've seen it in written books and I continue to use them, albeit more sparingly. Because, darn it, if it's the right punctuation then it's right, no matter where it is... *huffs off to see if she can find the thread and link to this*

ah-ha!

http://www.sffchronicles.co.uk/forum/539792-semi-colons-in-speech-direct-thoughts.html
 
Last edited:
springs said:
Because, darn it, if it's the right punctuation then it's right, no matter where it is... l
Click to expand...

What? WHAT? You didn't say that last week, Mrs Splicey :p

But actually for the record I would like to retract my dislike of semicolons in dialogue (every so often).
 
prizzley said:
I struggle with connecting words followed by subordinate clauses - at least I think that's what I have here.

Is it:

1. We all wish to protect those we love, but, if you are to commit your life to her, you must trust her to share your cares and to keep your secrets. The two commas in quick succession wreck it for me.

2. We all wish to protect those we love, but if you are to commit your life to her, you must trust her to share your cares and to keep your secrets. This is my preferred option, but is it correct?

3. We all wish to protect those we love, but if you are to commit your life to her you must trust her to share your cares and to keep your secrets. Or does this work?

I'm tearing my hair out here, so any thoughts would be much appreciated.
Click to expand...

Seeing what others have proposed in the thread, and just to add something different, in case it might be of use, I would go with:

We all wish to protect those we love. If you are to commit your life to her, you must trust her to share your cares and to keep your secrets.

I don't think there's necessarily a connection between protecting those we love, and trusting them with our cares and secrets (I'd rather see it the other way around, we all wish to protect those we love, so we have to make them trust us).
 
I'm starting to wonder if some of my characters make semicolon-length pauses in speech, whether or not they know about the finer points of punctuation. Currently, I represent all punctuation by m-dashing, but I am considering branching out.
 
prizzley said:
Verry interesting. I've taken the line most of my characters can't read or write, so they wouldn't know a semi-colon if it hit them them in the face.
Click to expand...
If they can't read or write, the 'can't use a semicolon in dialogue if the speaker wouldn't know what they were or how to use them' "rule" would indicate that the other punctuation marks ought not to be there either. Or the letters of the alphabet, for that matter. (After all, if you can neither read nor write, how could you possible know how to construct a sentence? You might as well be mute. :rolleyes:)


For some reason, I'm reminded of the W. Somerset Maugham short story, The Verger.
 
Last edited:
Hex said:
I'm starting to wonder if some of my characters make semicolon-length pauses in speech, whether or not they know about the finer points of punctuation. Currently, I represent all punctuation by m-dashing, but I am considering branching out.
Click to expand...

Yes. I win.;)
 
Yes, Ursa, but most speech doesn't conform to the style of written language. And writers don't follow the pattern of speech, taking a "this is the general idea" approach. What I was trying to say was that illiterates would probably understand the reason for short/long pauses ie commas/full stops, but an in-between pause/semi-colon would be a stretch of the imagination too far.

I've just had this conversation with a fellow-writer who says she's struggled to find any semi-colons in dialogue.

Each to their own style though.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
B (Found) Wracking my brain to remember a book. Please help Book Search 2
Orcadian Removed by request from Help me find a book please Book Search 0
T Help me find a book please Book Search 5
D Please help me find the title of a Ray Bradbury story Ray Bradbury 12
Timben Western blurb help, please Critiques 1

Similar threads


Back
Top