3000th-post Excerpt (1k)

[Erin99]

Thanks for the replies.

The scene before this one is a bit mental, tbh! She's drugged in prison and is out of it, so again, she's in a very different mindset to normal. Hopefully I've shown enough of "her" in the chapter before that, so people understand her when she's not with it.

As for the knife incident... no, she's still quite innocent. She pulled the knife out for protection when people angrily came at her at the city gate, though she didn't use it, and she thinks that's why people are treating her badly in this scene. But it's not the knife they hate (though she doesn't know that because she can't understand the people's language and they can't understand hers).

I'll do a little more work on the scene and try to chop it a bit, but as Hex says, I really want to get on and finish the darn novel before knuckling down so much on one scene.

I've had a busy afternoon (had my partner's sister popping in for a chat; she's climbing Kilimanjaro for charity on Friday, so we wanted to wish her luck), but I'll see if I can repay people's crits in the next week or so for any I haven't critted before. (I still haven't forgotten about anyone who's helped me in the past, too, if those people ever want to send me work to look over.) I've not been at my best lately - my aunt's situation has drained me a fair bit, weirdly - but I'll slowly get around to critting people's work. I try to be fair and reciprocate, and I HATE it when I'm not.

 

[Brian G Turner]

but as Hex says, I really want to get on and finish the darn novel before knuckling down so much on one scene.

Absolutely! I think you've obviously reached a good level of writing, so the feedback is more about editing issues than anything else. In which case, you'll probably make it stronger during the editing phase anyway.

 

[Erin99]

My concern is that I won't be able to write a good enough story, let alone write it well enough. Writing something engaging all the way through is so hard!

I'm 111k into the novel, but I'm not quite halfway, so I'll have a fair bit of pruning to do once I finish, and I'll have to see if I can combine some ideas. That's the fun bit, though. Got Gary's short story to finish first, however - 6k done already! It's fun to write something else - and in a different genre.

I love writing!




Good luck with everyone else's stories, too. I hope you all do really well.

 

[hopewrites]

Late to the party as ever, but I thought I'd chime in and say that I felt it developed rather nicely.
I like that the reader is kept in as much suspense as the character. It's clear something is going on, but not exactly what. And because the torture methods we not stereotypical ones (or at least not one's i could peg down by your description of the devices waiting about to be used) it gives one a greater feeling of dread. We are just as much in the dark as she is. I found it utterly plausible that gaged as she was it would not be clear until that gag was removed that her pleas were in English.
Having worn a gag tied quite tightly, I can completely understand her feelings and their misunderstanding of her gag-garbled speech.
I assume that the Captian or whoever that does recognize her language (though he doesnt appear to speak much of it himself, or even want to give a way what he does or doesnt understand to her at this point) was not part of the party that caught her doing what ever it was that had landed her in this ordeal. Two days was it you said? she must have been captured outside of the town she is being tried it. It's clear from her state that she's ready to do or say anything to get herself off the hook. People in these situations will apologize for breathing and hold their breath till they pass out if they think it will save their lives.
The only part that had me going "wha?" and rereading to fully grip what was going on, is her cloths. I wasnt sure if you were trying to imply that she had been raped while she was unconscious, or that some part of her wardrobe had been changed, or something else entirely. I just had a hard time grasping what she was wearing where.

 

[Erin99]

Wow! Hope, you're pretty spot on. I must be getting there with the edit. And thank you!

And thanks for the end para. It's made me see I have to address the clothes issue. I don't want people to think she's been raped or something. In the first chapter it's made clear that Chloe's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, then a fur cloak once she finds one, so when you see her in this scene with only jeans, you know they've switched her upper clothing for a rag...

And then it gets removed completely, so the man can show her arms to the crowd.

Might have to make that clearer, or have Chloe think about it. With all the extra thought snippets I've inserted, though, the scene's got bigger. :S




Anyway, haven't had chance to do any writing today. Hmpf. Maybe I can get something done in the last hour before I switch off my PC...

Somehow, you've all got me wanting to write even though I didn't think I felt able to. Wonderful! I wish I could give you all hugs.

*hugs Hope and rushes away to write a bit*