Homecoming - 990 words (complete story?)

[Mirannan]

This one works for me. Some of the semis seemed a little forced but not so much I winced, and the original voice was there. Good job.

Thanks. But in this context, what the heck is a semi?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Semi colons eg

Time wore on. The sun sank in the West, and my escort and I reached the enemy coast. Nature was really putting on a show;this should be a colon, imho, as here you're starting a list above me the sky was empyrean blue, with clouds of many colours;why the semi here? The flamingo pink is part of the same sky as the blue, if you want a semi here it might be tidier to have one between each colour that follows flamingo pink, burning orange, carmine red. And far in the West the Sun sat like the bonfire of the Gods. The sea, also, was extraordinary;i don't think a semi is quite right here - a dash might be more effective, but it's not ineffective either - this was the sort of one that jarred very slightly the colour of molten bronze towards the west, and directly ahead deepest ultramarine. Not at all like the normal grey blanket of the Channel.


I began to worry about fuel, because I had no idea how long I’d been out. But a quick check showed me that it couldn’t have been very long;and again, I'm not sure what the semi adds, but I feel it's a style thing and not grammatically wrong - bit I'm not one of the grammaticians and could be wrong. I didn’t have plenty, but probably had enough.


My escort waggled its wings, to attract my attention, and turned north. I followed, and very soon crossed our coast. The land, too, was spectacularly coloured;this one, though, I think would be better as a dash or a comma green as a carpet of emeralds.


Like I say, no biggies, a style choice really (except maybe the first here which I think could be tidied grammatically.)