8000th... last time :)

[SciFrac]

Springs, I really liked this. Not much for me to comment about, although this line made me re-read several times: "He didn’t dare breathe, sure they’d had long enough to fix his position." Also in that same para, you use "sure" twice very close. Otherwise you held my attention all the way.

I hope you will come back and say hello. Your crits are always valuable and I've enjoyed watching your stories transform. Thanks for all your help, that's very exciting news!

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Hope, I had to go away for a while, you had me all choked up, you're so amazing and kind. I'm so glad it worked for you, especially Kare. Ooh, and the desert air bit is fab, thank you. I'll reflect that.

Scifrac, many thanks. I'll sort that double sure - there's always something that gets past! And I'll be around, don't worry - I'll just not be filing any crits.

And Anya, thank you. I think the voice came and went a fair bit, it'll be good if it seems a little more fixed!

 

[Gary Compton]

How can I comment on something is nearly perfic

This trilogy is going to be massive, I feel it in my water.

Springs you are one amazing woman and mother and it is a privilege to work with you. And I like the fact to bollock me when I need it!

Coughs...

Back to work, Gaz!

 

[Jo Zebedee]

How can I comment on something is nearly perfic

This trilogy is going to be massive, I feel it in my water.

Springs you are one amazing woman and mother and it is a privilege to work with you. And I like the fact to bollock me when I need it!

Coughs...

Back to work, Gaz!

I hope you're right. book three feels like the strongest thing I've written, or at least the most mature.

And me, bollock? Never. I'm so shy and retiring after all.

 

[GDobkins]

This is good if I were to make suggestions I'd do it in the first paragraph.

Kare scanned the sky for any pursuit, but there was nothing yet. Already the ship’s engines were whining and the hatch was closing. He darted across the sand, weaving, to the dunes. His feet slipped as he ran. He’d never get used to the desert. He sped up, feeling Farran’s impatience, his need for Kare to go faster and get into the safety zone so the ship could lift off.

I think 'any' weakens the first sentence and seems wrong in that if there were pursuit from the ground scanning the air or sky doesn't usually help. And as a matter of style I would pause for the yet since it's there for the effect to imply some tension.

Kare scanned the sky for pursuit, but there was nothing: yet.

I'm not sure how necessary the 'Already' is in the next sentence. It read okay without it.
And 'feeling' borders on filtering I would almost insert maybe:
He sped up, cursing Farran's impatience,
or
He sped up, understanding Farran's impatience,

I'm not sure which emotion feeling was supposed to bring out there.

I think I only have 8100 to catch up to you. Keep writing.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

[QUOTE="GDobkins, post: 1837114, member: 36988"

I think I only have 8100 to catch up to you. Keep writing.[/QUOTE]

Hee. Get posting!


Thank you so much for the crit. I like the delay before yet, I'll get that in.

The feeling does verge on a filter but I think it's clearer in the context - the two men have a psychic link so he really is feeling it. I've debated taking it out a few times but think it's right. I'll probably debate it some more now!